Eroticdragonfly - EroticDragonfly

“I’m one of those people that you have to keep your eye on or I’ll wander off into the woods and forget to come back.”

— Jack White

Why is it that every time I think that my guy and I are actually possibly going somewhere in the twenty something year old relationship we have I get slapped in the face with the reality that we’re never gonna change, Happiness is just not in our cards for us. I feel like he is only nice to me when he has something that he wants to do something or he wants something from me. Reality hurts so bad. I want to just walk and be done......

So, I’m thinking that things with my husband are always gonna go the same path, no matter how much I work on myself or how much I change up things I do…. I always fall into thinking that we are doing better, and he’s actually not talking to me like shit daily, that he actually wants me around, then bam, I get hit with reality. We are home and he’s in his building like always and I’m in my room/0ffice/closet, whatever, and he is texting a friend asking him to go to the bar…. Damn if we’re doing well, and I’m home doing nothing special and so is he, then why would he texting friends asking if they want to hit up a bar, which would probably end up being Hooters which is absolutely fine, it’s not like that’s the part that bothers me. We are at the house a lot together, but we never talk, hang out or for the most part even eat together. This is not the way I want my relationship to be anymore, I want to be with someone that has time to do whatever periodically, and wants to do things with me. Not go drink with friends. If we spent time together, actually in one another’s company, then I wouldn’t care if he ran off with a buddy every now and then, I don’t want to spend 24/7 with him, I’m not a controlling person, I guess call me needy, I just want to feel wanted from time to time, Or ever. Right now I feel like I am dropping everything for him to do whatever he wants or needs me to do, slacking on my work and responsibilities, worrying about shit like how bad I’ve got to get an oil change, reminding myself that I need to put a little antifreeze In here, is my tire pumped up, and so on, when just for the simple fact that I am his wife, and knowing that I’m using my moms car, the circumstances as to why, he should have already at least attempted to help me with or get the vehicle things accomplished. It’s always 99 % of the time about himself, and tbh, I have no guarantees that anything that helps him or benefits him, does anything for me at all. I know of many times him coming in to money or him winning money, and we were together, well I’d be lucky if I ever knew period. It’s only gotten worse than better so wtf is wrong with me, then the minute I get myself to a point to be able to let go, he’s automatically totally different and makes me think it’s gonna different and I automatically feel guilty and like if I leave or ask him to go then Im wrong. I’ve always heard that ex’s are ex’s for a reason….. what is really the worst part of it all is that I am not brand new. I know what reality is, I just always think that it’s gonna be better….

Never thought about it like that

Facts, smh

I think I’m over it! Not seeing him definitely helped. I feel a lot better. I feel like I’m kinda free. Not that he held me down because I made my own choices. I accept that. Fake is what it is, FAKE! I kept it 100! So my conscience is clear. I’m probably never gonna be more than a friend with benefits anyone else. He was my last hope as far as relationships go. I look back at what it was about him that I really missed and tbh, all of our time was spent with me trying to build him up and me working on his self esteem. I guess it worked. Mission accomplished! Time to move on anyways!!!

This is so true!

I’ve been almost a week without him. He made it look so easy to walk away. I’m not sure if I ever meant anything to him at all, at this point I don’t want to know. I just want to forget about him. Close that chapter in my life. I’ve been through this like 3 times, the other 2 men both ended up regretting their disicissions, so not only did I have to get over them, then after I was at the point of over it and no more pain, then I had to be the one that said no when they want to try again. That whole not knowing what you have til it’s gone is bullshit. When something is special to me it doesn’t just get old. Some people want to have that moment to see someone that hurt them, hurt. I don’t want to see anyone hurt... I don’t want him to ever want me back. I’m just ready to be over this and feel better!

Life is so busy sometimes, it definitely keeps me preoccupied for the most part, but there’s that time of day, when everything is quiet and still no chill cause damn, then I’m left to deal with forgetting you... forgive and forget right? That’s how I’ve been taught my whole life... my ignorant self jus needs to forget.,. I feel like that’s where healing begins... I’m usually pretty good at this part. Totally the unfortunate time to fall so deep that when you realize it’s there, that you’re feelings are passionate, and exotic with someone that may be the same as you, or as close as you assume it could get.... then to see changes, like a light switch as soon as my guard hits the ground, I feel like I almost hit the ground myself, I must be wrong, I must’ve been fooled, and in some of the worst ways... like automatically backtracking, life situations cause if I’m wrong about this, then I really must not know anyone at all, or I’ve done something fucked up to someone to be catching this shit. I know me, I treat people right, I help others if they need and I can, I stay in my lane, if someone needs me I’m here, so it’s me, I’m ignorant, how do you forget what made you feel this, what played like a friend yet lived like a snake in the grass. Fake, has to be or it would be different, we would at the least be friends, I felt like I bonded with you, it’s not possible to go from that to this.... my head is killing me! I’m jus ready to forget.... Tomorrow is a new day, fresh start... there has to be more to life, good people, somewhere... I’m not gonna let anyone change me... regardless of what anyone else may feel, I kinda like me, I’m a Gemini so I’m a little different but I’m good to others, I smile at someone just because I may get a smile back, and I do what I say. I don’t steal, I may talk your head off or not say two words, I’m a loner at times and a social butterfly mix, yeah. There has to be other good, honest people somewhere, ugh!

Lol and this

“Listen closely to the songs I play, because the lyrics speak the words I fail to say.”

— Unknown