That Was The Strongest Version Of Myself. This Isn't The First Time I Was Put In Such As A Situation.

That was the strongest version of myself. This isn't the first time I was put in such as a situation. But this is the very first time I have braved myself to stand up and face it.

Because I was scared. I was scared of the answer I might be hearing. The thoughts as 'what if the problem was with me?' 'What if I have offended them with my words or actions', 'if more than two person are doing the same thing to me, then the problem must be really with me right?' All these thoughts stopped me from asking the all those questions I wanted to ask that many people. Because I didn't want to hear that I didn't gave my all into that friendship.

But, why do I have to cry over someone who stopped the friendship because her mother said so, someone who stopped the friendship following her friend, someone who stopped the friendship to move into better school and have better friends, someone who stopped the friendship for no fucking reason or because I chose to do a simpler question, someone who stopped the friendship because I wasn't up to their standard, someone who stopped the friendship because I was quiet.

Is that my fault you chose to be selfish and when you fail to understand everyone is different?

I gave you my all I our friendship. I laughed with me when you were happy, I was sad when you were crying, I was listening to you when you had problem, I said yes when you needed an help, I supposed you against my mom, i said just so you won't be sad.

i did things I am not okay with just because you said it would be fun, I wanted to make memories with you.

I came out of comfort just so I can be with you. Because we were friends.

But the prize I received in the end was to cry my eyes out every night.

All those days I cried to God asking why i couldn't have even one friend, am I that bad of a person, I forgot to thank him for removing undeserving people from my life. All the tears I dropped wondering why I am living such a lonely and cursed life, I forgot to realise that it was the better life than living not as yourself for the satisfaction of others.

I finally realised it today, a friend would never turn their backs on you for a simple mistake you made. And I don't need such friends too. Who expect me to change myself for them. Because I am never going to change myself. For a third person.

You don't leave a friend because you don't like the mistake she was making. Instead you correct each other and grow together.