The Amount Of Time I Wanted To End It All...

Jack In The Box, album by J-Hope

Notes: It’s time to express some of my thoughts regarding every member’s solo albums and singles. I’ve been putting it off for months. Let’s do it without further delay, starting with the first member to have released his solo album.

1. Intro: 9/10

“It flapped its delicate wings as it danced around Pandora, lightly brushing against her shoulder.”

Basically it’s the story of Pandora in Greek Mythology and the origin of hope in the mortal world. If you haven’t heard it yet, this post is a sign for you to look it up (also check out Ted Ed’s video ‘The myth of Pandora’s box’ for more details). The narration of the story (J-Hope’s intro) is smooth and short. It sounds pleasing to the ears. And it is definitely a unique idea for his album’s intro. I believe what Hoseok’s been trying to tell is that what he is to the Armys is what hope is to all the people on earth.

2. Pandora’s Box: 10/10

“J to the Hope, Jung to the Huimang, Jack in the box”

Only Hoseok can make a fine connection between a myth, a toy and his whole personality and also make total sense. It’s probably my first time listening to a song that is a retelling of a myth. And Hoseok did an amazing job here. The lyrics made my jaw drop, like literally. I said it once and I’ll say it a hundred times, BTS is one of the few artists who knows what poetry truly is. And this song is one of the many living proofs.

3. More: 8.5/10

“My work makes me breathe. So I want more”

The first released song with the music video shook me a great deal like it did to many Armys I’m sure. The sunshine of the group in such a grim-emo kinda look was absolutely out of the blue. Nevertheless, this vibe suits him right. Comparing their passion for making art with an awful addiction is a thing BTS did in their early works too. I can see that theme portrayed from Hoseok’s perspective so well.

4. Stop: 6.5/10

“The only belief that rules over me, ‘There are no bad people in the world’”

The struggle of freeing yourself of the innate nature of being judgmental is portrayed in this masterpiece. Shoutout to Hoseok for speaking about the truth of today's world and people’s values and ethics while still keeping an open mind, making sure not to judge anyone harshly. The lyrics definitely deserve praise. But personally I think it is not a song that I can listen to more than once.

5. = (Equal Sign): 7/10

“Same, the breaths we breathe. Same, the dreams we dream of”

Yes! Sing it, J-hope. Who’s going to give us hope at times of despair if it isn’t you? The change is indeed soon to begin. We’re all in this together. Let’s make a better world without prejudice and hate. BTS, as well as us, the Armys; we believe in ‘Love’.

6. Music Box: Reflection: 10/10

This one is actually brilliant. At first I played it on repeat many times a day. I even set it as my alarm ringtone and it is still there. I know, we shouldn’t be doing that because it makes us hate the music afterwards. But I still couldn’t grow to dislike it. This music has a whole aesthetic to it that makes me imagine myself in a music video everytime I play it.

7. What If...: 8.5/10

“What if I have nothing?”

This one shows what Hoseok has been trying to portray through the whole album pretty directly. You can see him questioning his own personality. Is he really all sunshine and rainbows inside out? I mean, is that even possible for a human? You can hear his passion pouring out in the voice. Chef’s kiss to the bravery of finally speaking out; louder for the people on the back.

8. Safety Zone: 8/10

“In my 20’s, I’m living an endless life”

It hurts when you look up a song and you find the lyrics so sad. The life of an idol is never really easy. People need to keep in mind that these idols are humans too. Give them some break for God’s sake. They talk about their struggles through their songs and yet we fail to see it. I really hope Hoseok finds peace and happiness that he deserves.

9. Future: 6.5/10

“Walking in the future, a step of hope”

The fact that Hoseok worries about his future too shows how much he is like us. After all, at the end of the day, we’re all human. Let’s keep our courage and step forward.

10. Arson: 10/10

“Do I put out the fire or burn even brighter?”

Just think about the poetic effect of the last line of the last song. Even though I liked most of the songs from this album, Arson takes the trophy. The music, the lyrics, the mv, everything is just fine as fine can be. J-Hope never disappoints us with his unique ideas. I’m in love…

Notes: The album is a masterpiece and it deserves all the attention it got and more. Apart from the fact that the music and the beats are all kinda dope, we need to focus on its lyricism too. This album feels like a cry for help. We need to acknowledge Hoseok's struggle as an idol and try to sympathize. Let's try to become the best version of ourselves as fans and let our idols live a normal life while supporting them unconditionally.

RM - Purple

7/7 (Check out other colours/members here)

This monologue was everything...🩷

“It’s literally impossible to be a woman.

You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we're always doing it wrong?

You have to be thin, but not too thin, and you can never say you wanna be thin. You have to say you wanna be healthy, but also, you have to BE THIN.

You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass.

You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean.

You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.

You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time.

You have to be a career woman, but also, always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is INSANE, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining!

You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood, but ALWAYS STAND OUT and ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL. But never forget that the system is rigged, so find a way to acknowledge that but ALSO, always be grateful!

You have to never get old. Never be rude. Never show off. Never be selfish. Never fall down. Never fail. Never show fear. Never get OUT OF LINE. It's too hard! It's too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal or says 'thank you!' And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also, everything is your fault.

I'm just so tired of watching myself, and every single other woman tie herself into knots, so that people will like us.

And if all of that, is also true for a doll just representing a woman, then I don't even know." -Gloria the barbie movie

this is it. this is exactly it oh my god.

Little Things Matter

I know, BTS did honorable things by which they could be remembered in history. But have you noticed the small things (which are not really small if you think about it) that could actually show the kind of persons they really are?

Including sign language as a part of the choreography

Kneeling down while the youngest helps to tie the shoe lace

Recommending a feminist book for which many female idols had received hatred before

Doing every little action the fans request on v live to make them happy

Letting another artist stay in the middle of their performance even though she was okay to step aside

Letting the camera-people have a bite from their food

Picking up an army bomb from the stage and returning it to the fan

Buying slushies/ice creams for all the staffs because it’s crazy hot outside

Calling the fans his hope and vice versa

Helping the staffs to fix the stage lights/cleaning up with them

Requesting the food delivery man to drive safely due to the heavy rain and not to worry about being late

And I can go on and on...

Noona! Please! Help! - Part 2

Fandom: BTS Characters: Younger Brothers BTS and Elder Sister Narrator Genre: A Little Dramatic and A Little Comedic Word Count: 1.3K Words Warning: Mention of other idols such as Lisa and Ryujin, tearing down clothes, breakdown, crying etc. Note: It’s a siblings AU story of BTS with the narrator as their elder sister. I tried to write something different from what I usually write about. I had fun making this. Hope it makes you feel good too. Happy Reading Everyone :)

Summary: Her little brothers can’t attend to a single task without her help. Be it a dance competition or asking out a girl for a date, they always seem to be finding everything too hard to go through without her by their side. ‘Our lucky charm’; that’s what they like to call her. But what if she turns out to be a misfortune in different situations in one single day?

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - More to come

Not Really the Best Dancer:

06:45 a.m. 1st September, 2015

I still have more than an hour before Hobi’s aka Hoseok’s dance starts. So, I decided to take a shower and apply some light makeup that would suit all the occasions I am to participate in. I had taken a day off work today. Because, I’m about to meet my seven little brothers, that too, at different times in one single day.

I make a mental note of my schedule and get out of my house (Sorry, it’s actually my granma's house) 10 minutes prior to Hobi’s dance. He is going to participate in the finale of the dance competition he had been practicing for for the last three years. Though a little nervous, I’m pretty positive he is going to win. I mean, why not? He’s the best dancer I have ever seen.

“Come here!” Hobi waves his hand while talking to me on the phone. I go straight to him pushing the crowd ahead of me.

“You should have hurried, Noona!” Hobi says with a pout, “I have to go change. The show’s starting.”

“Alright!” I tell him, “Go on, then. I’ll be cheering you on from the crowd. Are you nervous?”

“Nah!” Hobi dismisses the question with a slight wave of his hand and by putting a bright smile on his face, “Why would I be? I’ve got you.”

I take his hands in mine, clearly noticing the sweaty palms, “Fighting!”

“Fighting!” with a little shake of the hands he disappears inside the dressing room.

Lisa starts her performance with a loud applause from the crowd. I had watched some of the previous dance performances of others in the videos Hoseok brought home for me to see. But I don’t remember watching any of her. Watching her perform live in front of me makes me a little nervous. She has one of the best body controls. And it is definitely something to worry about.

The next participant gets as much cheers from the crowd as her previous competitor. Her name’s Ryujin and I had seen her collaborating with Hobi before. I liked that dance so much at the time. Now, I’m not really sure I’m liking her moves. Of course, she can dance. And that is exactly my problem.

Finally, Hoseok takes the stage as ‘J-Hope’ and the crowd bursts into loud screams from the enthusiasts. All my anxieties take some rest. But as soon as he starts to move along the beat, I feel like I’m holding my breath. As if that would ensure his perfect performance.

Everything goes smoothly until at a point Hoseok rips off his shirt; earning more screams from the audience. I’m shocked at the revelation. Is it a mistake? I mean, Hoseok would never do that. Once he had told me himself that he doesn’t like showing much skin. It’s the choreography that matters more to him.

But it seems like I’m the only one who’s confused. Others around me seem to be enjoying the dance along with that little distraction that he made. However, I gather myself just before the end so that I don’t forget to cheer and clap the loudest for my little Hobi.

There’s a thirty minute break before they announce the winner of the long one month competition. I check my phone and gasp.

Three missed calls from Yoongi.

I check the time. It’s already 8:48 a.m. Yoongi’s game starts at 8:30 a.m. I was supposed to be with him now. I look out for Hobi.

“You did great!” I compliment him hurriedly.

“Thanks but…” Hobi frowns.

“What’s the matter?” I take a closer look at his sweaty face.

“It’s just that” Hobi continues, “I feel like I made a mistake.”

My phone rings before I could tell him anything. It’s Yoongi again.

“Umm…” I hesitate before speaking, “I still believe you’re going to win. Hobi… Please don’t mind but… I really have to be somewhere now.”

“What?” Hobi looks up, “No way! Wait for the announcement at least. Please, Noona! You promised!”

“I promised I will watch you perform. And I did that. Besides, you didn’t mention the results will take that long to be announced. I have to meet Yoongi. Apparently he has an important match too.”

Hobi scoffs, “As if he’s the one playing.”

I can sense the anger rising within him. First of all, he’s upset about some mistakes that he made. Now that I’ve mentioned Yoongi, he’s definitely pissed. Hoseok never liked the fact that Yoongi bets money on basketball matches. According to him, “It’s a waste of money if you lose. And a waste of character if you win.”

“You can go if you want.” Hobi says finally, “It’s not even a huge deal.”

I know he doesn’t mean that. It is in fact a huge deal for him. My common sense tells me it is better to deal with an angry Yoongi than with an angry Hoseok.

I smile and pull him into a hug. He’s surprised by my sudden action. “What’re you doing?”

“Don’t worry!” I say, “Noona will stay so that you win.”

“Oh yeah!” Hobi hugs me back, “Then, I’ll definitely win.”

“I’ll be there as soon as it ends.” I yell at Yoongi through my phone because of the loud audience around me.

“Yeah, take your time.” Yoongi says bitterly, “Looks like Hoba is in need of some luck more than I do today. ‘Cause we’re already winning.” Then, he cuts the line.

I don’t have the time to think about his last remark. The three participants walk to the stage and the crowd cheers louder, as if it is even possible. I cheer for Hobi too, mentally praying to God that my little brother gets the fruit that he’s been nurturing for so long.

With some dramatic speeches and hearts beating up to our throats, the result is finally revealed. And J-Hope is not the winner.

Looks like Ryujin outdid the others this time and she is as shocked as I am to find it out. Both Lisa and Hobi are clapping with bright smiles on their faces. They are both bowing to Ryujin, who in turn is bowing to them. The flower bouquet is presented to her and the rest of the celebration goes on in blur.

I went backstage to meet Hobi. But I only see two girls hugging and complimenting each other. Hobi is nowhere to be seen. I look through the dressing room and he’s not there.

I decide to peek at the boy’s bathroom to check and I sigh in relief. Hobi is bending towards the basin, his hands covering the face while the faucet runs beneath.

“Hobi!” I call him softly.

“Please, Noona!” His voice cracks as he tries to speak, “Just give me some time. I promise I’ll be okay. Just some time is all I need.”

Contemplating on why it is hard for me to believe that he is crying out of failure, I find that it is because I had never experienced Hoseok openly displaying sadness before. He was always the ray of sunshine, the restless butterfly or the sweet smelling flower of our family. As if it is what’s expected of him.

Even right now, in such a vulnerable state of mind, he doesn’t seem to be trusting me enough to have confided in me. Instead, he’s willing to go through a breakdown all alone until he’s ready to smile brightly again.

I am dumbfounded. I feel like I need to tell him something, comfort him and let him know that he’s not here alone. I want to make him feel that it's okay to fail. That he’s still loved and that’s what should matter the most.

My phone rings in my pocket once again and Hoseok looks up from the sink. With teary red eyes he says, “It must be Yoongi Hyung. Don’t make him wait any longer. Just go. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, confused.

“I guess,” he sniffs, “I accept my defeat. Maybe, I’m not really the best dancer that you used to think I am.”

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Yoongi, Marry me...

Then why am I crying?

... and I will wait for you! {trans cr. @/haruharu_w_bts}

"Think of you when I'm going to bed

When I wake up, think of you again."

Jungkook - Red

1/7 (Check out other colours/members here)

"Harry, what did you do?"

"What you made me do!"