V - Yellow

My mental health is hanging by a thread where I can spend the whole day listening to Taehyung singing "If we live fast let us die young"...

‘The Devil All the Time’ Book Review

Genre: Crime/Thriller

Rating: 4/5

Summary: Willard Russell, a war veteran, tries to find peace by settling down with his family. But soon his wife, Charlotte is diagnosed with cancer and Willard does anything he knows possible to keep her alive, leaving his son, Arvin, traumatized for life. A preacher and his crippled cousin tries to run from the law when an experiment goes terribly wrong. A psychologically disturbed couple search for models to capture perfect photos. This is a story of a place full of ignorance, maniacs, blind faith and evil.

My Opinion: I knew I would love this book as soon as I started reading it. I knew this book will leave me scarred mentally. Yet I couldn’t resist the temptation of reading it. The events on this book are terrible. I cannot stop thinking about it. The dark sides of human natures are represented in a breathtaking way. The haunted images followed me all the time. This book is definitely not for any faint hearted person. The characters are very complicated. Some of them are in such a misery, I feel very bad for them. Morally complicated characters always fascinate me. They seem like real human beings. This book contains such characters. I think too much about them and to me they have become real. I usually don’t support violence. I personally think evils can only be defeated by all the positivity like honesty and love. But some cases in the book contradicts my values. It makes me feel like there are some things which are too evil to forgive or let go.

Favourite Character: Though I like almost all the characterizations in the book, I like Arvin more than any other. He has a very tough life and he is brave. I support almost every action of him. He is the perfect example of a brother. Though he is a violent man, he is a caring one too.

Quote: “Too much religion could be as bad as too little, maybe even worse.”

Noona! Please! Help! - Part 3

Fandom: BTS Characters: Younger Brothers BTS and Elder Sister Narrator Genre: A Little Dramatic and A Little Comedic Word Count: 1.1K Words Warning: Angsty (It’s me), mention of child abuse, self doubt, did I mention angst? Note: It’s a siblings AU story of BTS with the narrator as their elder sister. I tried to write something different from what I usually write about. I had fun making this. Hope it makes you feel good too. Happy Reading Everyone :)

Summary: Her little brothers can’t attend to a single task without her help. Be it a dance competition or asking out a girl for a date, they always seem to be finding everything too hard to go through without her by their side. ‘Our lucky charm’; that’s what they like to call her. But what if she turns out to be a misfortune in different situations in one single day?

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - More to come

Who Will Pay the Rent?

9:24 a.m. 1st September, 2015

“Just a few more minutes left.” Yoongi sighs heavily, “you could have easily saved the bother to come here, today.”

“What happened?” I ask, taking the empty seat beside him. “I thought you said that we’re winning today. What’s up with that long face?”

“It seemed like that at the first half.” Yoongi nods towards the field, “as you can see, the tables took a 180 degree turn.”

Honestly, I don’t understand a thing about basketball. It is better to just take Yoongi’s words as they are. I ask him the important question now, “how much do you owe them?”

Yoongi intentionally avoids eye contact and keeps looking at the match without a reply. I notice that he is sweating like crazy. I understand now that it is not just about the game.

“Don’t tell me you have to sell a kidney to pay them.” I jokingly say to which he doesn’t budge. I grow agitated. “Yoongi! C’mon, tell me what it is?”

He sighs and says, “It’s just worth my rent, that’s all.”

“Your rent?” I ask, “like for the month?”

Yoongi nods and stays silent. We both remain silent for the rest of the game. I wish I could offer to help him. It is most likely that he will not accept anything directly from me. I, on the other hand, am not in a place to help him either.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I quickly take a look at Jimin’s message saying he’s going inside the exam hall right now. I write a small “good luck” reply and put my phone back inside the pocket.

Yoongi starts to stand up from his seat, “Let’s get out of here! It’s not like anything can change in the last few minutes.”

I nod and follow him out of the stadium. He asks me if I want something to eat to which I shake my head.

“Noona!” Yoongi says, “Stop worrying about me. It’s not like I’m going bankrupt or something. It’s just some stupid amount of money, that’s all.”

“So,” I start hesitantly, “who will pay the rent?”

“I’ll manage that somehow, Noona. I always do.”

Yoongi’s the one among us who’s the most desperate to make a lot of money. That’s why he goes into these betting games and all. I once heard from Jin that he had found Yoongi starving himself because he lost all his money on some games and Jin had helped him that one time even though Yoongi refused to be helped. I don’t really approve of his ways but who am I to stop him? I did not raise him. I don’t even understand his ways of thinking.

I still feel like I should advise him to stop this nonsense and try something else. Something permanent. He is a genius and I know he will be able to figure something out if he wants. But I also feel like today is not the time to lecture him on life. Not when he’s already so stressed about it.

I decide to head to my next destination. I am not going to leave Yoongi in this state. So, I ask him, “If you don’t have to be anywhere, will you come with me?”

“I can manage some time. Where will you take me, Noona?”

“We’re going to meet Jimin.”

Jimin’s exam will be finished at around 11 a.m. So, Yoongi and I wait for him outside the hall where there seems to be a huge crowd of the guardians of the other students. I mentally pray that Jimin will be able to outsmart them on his test today.

“I never understand Jimin’s appeal for education.” Yoongi says.

“I think it’s the same one as yours.” I offer an explanation, “Come to think of it. At the end of the day you both want to win at life. By elevating your status. Either with education or with money.”

“You know what, Noona?”

“What?”

“I hate it so much that you’re always right!” There is a faint line of smile on his face as he says the last sentence.

“Yoongi” I suddenly feel an urge to talk to him seriously. Yoongi barely talks about his real issues.

“Noona?”

“I’m asking this because I’m really worried about you, okay?”

Yoongi frowns, “I think I know what you’re going to say. I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I really am. I’m sorry, Noona!”

“Oh no, dear!” I quickly add, “You don’t have to apologize. I understand that you’re going through tough times.”

“Noona!” Yoongi looks at a distance as he speaks, “Do you remember ma’s face? Like, not the one as we see in her pictures. The face of her when she was sick. That face she had before she could finally rest after years of pain she went through.”

I don’t know why Yoongi is suddenly bringing this topic. Is he really missing ma all of a sudden or just trying to change the topic? Yoongi glances at me for a second and I can see his eyes glistening.

“If only I had the money, I would have taken a bus from school to come to see you.” Yoongi sniffs, “he wouldn’t let me go no matter how much I begged him to. Said it was a ‘waste of good money seeing some sick people’. I don’t think I can ever move on from the fact that I never saw ma and pa again after I left that house.”

“Yoongi!” I can barely make myself audible.

Yoongi never talked about the times he spent with our uncle who took him in when ma fell sick. Yoongi was only four at that time and he was the only one who never came to visit us occasionally during the five years when ma and pa were still alive. When I used to ask pa about it, he would always say that Yoongi was too busy with his school. I only got to see him first at their funeral. Only after Yoongi left uncle’s place for good when he was finally eighteen, we started meeting almost regularly.

“I’m sorry, Noona, I turned up this way.” Yoongi looks at me, his eyes bloodshot, “I didn’t really have an opportunity to be any better than this. Of course, I won’t use this as an excuse. I’m all grown up now and I’m trying to be more responsible. I swear, Noona, you will be proud of me like all the rest of our brothers one day. I will make that happen.”

“But I am proud of you!” I say, “I am proud of how strong you are. I am proud that after all those shits you went through, you still grew up to be such a kind and sweet soul.”

“Thank you, Noona! But you don’t really have to cheer me up.” Yoongi shrugs his shoulders, “I know me.”

“And I know you too.” I slowly move towards him and pull him into a hug, “I see you, Yoongi. I see you!” I slowly pat him on his back as I can sense him fighting the urge to hug me back.

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Bad Decision

Fandom: BTS Pairing: Jin x Female reader Genre: Fluff, Fake Dating trope Word Count: 1.5k Words (y/n = your name)

Summary: Your younger cousin is already getting married. You’re now burdened to get yourself a date to the wedding more than ever. So that all your stupid relatives won’t rant about how you’re gonna die single. Jin was the last person you thought you’d go to on such an occasion.

“Why him?” I asked my little cousin who was no longer little anymore. Of course! How could she be? She was getting married in a week.

“Because Taehyung said he’s the only option available for you right now.” My cousin said as a matter of fact.

She was right. I took too much time thinking about whom I’ll bring with me as the wedding date and rejecting many offers for every minor inconvenience I’d found, that now I only had one week left. When I had lost all hope, my cousin, herself offered to help.

Her going to be husband, Taehyung, had an older friend named Jin. I had met him on some occasions. But I didn’t like him very much. He was such a narcissist and had the kind of sense of humor that I absolutely despised. My cousin had said that the reason why I didn’t like him was because I also had the same kind of attitude and I always wanted to be the special one in the group.

“What about the other friend of his?” I asked hopefully.

“Yoongi?” she asked.

I shyly nodded. I liked Yoongi better since he’s kinda quiet and intelligent. He was my type of man.

“Nope!” she shook her head, “Do you really think Taehyung can persuade Yoongi to be your date?”

Her tone pissed me off a bit. “Why not?” I asked with an air of confidence, “Am I not good enough for him? And also, it’s not a real date. He just has to pretend that we are together for a while.”

“I know,” she said, “but I don’t think he’ll agree. C’mon, y/n, just take Jin with you. He’s not that bad.”

“Alright!” I sighed, “I’ll go with him, then.”

“Hey, y/n!” Jin called me from over the table.

I planned to meet him before the wedding. So that we could talk about the whole process of this fake dating business; which I was already hating.

I nodded to let him know that I saw him, otherwise he probably would have kept calling me and make the whole situation double awkward.

“Hello, Jin.” I greeted him while taking my seat.

“Let’s order something first.” He said, “I’m starving.”

As we waited for the food to arrive I started the conversation, “I hope Taehyung had already told you why we’re here, right?”

“Yeah,” Jin said, “he told me you’re not getting any date. And I know it’s really frustrating. Don’t worry, jagi. I’m happy to help.”

“WHAT THE FUCK! I’m not getting any date? And why the hell is he calling me ‘jagi’?” I thought.

“Umm…” I tried to put my words as respectfully as possible, “It’s nothing like that actually. We’re just going to pretend to be dating. Because I want to avoid my problematic relatives who keep asking me why I’m still not married. I don’t date because I don’t want to. Actually, I don’t need to. I could have easily be dating a guy and also can get married. But that is not my intention. I have other plans at hand right now.”

I didn’t notice that my voice had already risen to the point of making other people, from the nearby tables, stare at us. As soon as I realized that I went red on the face.

“Hmm…” Jin said, as if I had just told him something philosophical.

Fortunately our food arrived and I started to focus on them. Jin, too, started to eat and kept commenting on each item. I nodded and said ‘hmm’ or ‘yeah’ to let him know that I agreed. And neither of us mentioned the wedding for the rest of the evening.

Everything was so awkward now that I kept thinking that this whole idea was such a bad decision.

I met Jin directly at the day of the wedding. We had planned to drive there together to get the impression of us being involved.

Jin was waiting for me inside his car. When I got into it, he said, “Whoa, y/n!”

“What?” I asked looking at my dress to see if anything was wrong with it.

Jin shook his head and changed his tone to a sarcastic one. Raising his eyebrows he asked, “Don’t I look dashing in this outfit?”

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. But I was secretly glad. Because I knew he meant to compliment me at first. Since it was not in his nature to admire people other than himself, he changed the topic at once.

“First thing first,” I said, “Don’t do anything to make people suspicious of us. And let me do the talking. Got it?”

“So, I’ll just go around and nod my head while you talk?”

“Almost that,” I said, “Just don’t overdo anything. That’s all.”

“Sounds alright to me.” He said, “But hey! Can I make some light jokes?”

“Jin,” I was already irritated, “Just drive.”

Jin was quiet as soon as we reached our destination. It felt like he had turned into a complete different self. He was not that confident guy I used to know. Rather a shy one who doesn’t like to interact with anyone in a party. I was almost dragging him to meet my family members and relatives.

“What happened?” I asked, “Are you feeling sick or something?”

“No,” he shook his head, “It’s just that I find it very exhausting meeting new people. I’m kinda introvert, you know?”

“I didn’t know that.” I said. Being a super extrovert, I found it hard to understand introvert people.

“Can we just sit on a corner and enjoy each other’s company?” He pleaded.

I couldn’t do that. All of my relatives were liking Jin very much. Apart from the fact that he was handsome and rich, everyone liked his politeness too. They were praising him a lot and saying how lucky I was to have someone like him and that we were a really cute couple and other stuffs like that. I was really enjoying this show now.

“C’mon, Jin.” I whined like a spoiled brat, “You said you’d help me with this. Now get up and let me have this moment.”

“Agreeing to this stupid idea was such a bad decision.” Then he stood up and took my hand in his and said, “Anyway, since we’re already here. Let’s show them what we’ve got.”

Jin was trying very hard to be friendly with my other cousins and friends. After some time of chatting with them, Jin was already making his dad jokes and I was relieved because everyone found it amusing.

At a point, one of my friends jokingly said, “Look!” pointing at the bride and the groom, “They are already getting married despite being younger. When are you guys getting married?”

I almost choked on my drink. “Not again!” I thought to myself.

Jin immediately said, “I’m thinking about the same thing.” Then he turned to me and said, “Will you just marry me already?”

All of my friends gasped and someone asked, “Is that a proposal?” Then they started to say, “y/n, just say yes.”

“What the hell, Jin!” I whispered to him in the middle of the chaos.

Jin raised his hands towards the crowd and said, “She said YES!” And they all started to clap and cheer making me confused as to what I should be doing.

Then, there came an aunty of mine and she said, “y/n, dear. Now it’s time for you to lose some weight. Surely you won’t wear your wedding dress in that body of yours.”

Some of the people started to laugh, while others were rolling their eyes. I didn’t know how to react to that. I was wishing my mother was there. She would have said something to shut her up.

“Why? What’s wrong with her body?” Instead who came to my rescue was Jin. He was looking at me from my head to toe, “I think her body is perfect to wear the wedding dress that I’ve already purchased.”

Then he winked at me and said aloud, “It was supposed to be a surprise. I’m sorry, jagi, that some trash had ruined it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his response.

The wedding went well. I never thought I would see my cousin, who had refused to get married her whole life because all the boys she was with were assholes, would be so happy to be married. I mean, why not! Taehyung was such a sweet guy and definitely a husband material.

Now thinking about it, Jin wasn’t too bad either. He also seemed like a husband material to me. Standing by his side, witnessing our closest friends getting married together, made me think about my life choices. Getting married didn’t sound like a bad decision now.

As soon as the wedding was done and we got some time alone, Jin said, “Thank God, it’s finally over.”

I smiled at him. I was getting fonder of him by the time and I could feel that. I said, “Thank you, Jin, for doing this with me.”

“Don’t mention it, jagi.” Jin said, “It was actually fun.”

I nodded my head in affirmation. Then, I asked him, “What now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you think we should be going for a real date this time?” I asked.

Jin was laughing, making that sound of the windshield wipers. And I started to laugh too. I should be getting used to his wild laugh, after all.

My Masterlist

TV series I've watched in March 2022

The End of the F***ing World - Season 1 & 2 (2017-19)

- Check my previous review of season 1 here

- The season 2 will always be memorable to me because I've binge watched it with my cousin. We talked about it the whole day. I know, whenever I'll watch it again, I'll miss those moments.

- Season 2 also had some serious issues dealt with just like season 1. Bonnie's character hit close to home. I want to hug her. I also want to hug Alyssa and James. They've been through a lot.

Sweet Tooth (2021)

- A world slipped into chaos as a contagious virus breaks through and babies are born as part animals.

- This is the perfect time to watch this show with your family. It is quite emotional.

Our Planet (2019)

- From the grassland to the forest, from the ice covered world to the hot desert, from the fresh water to the high sea, this series shows varieties of habitats of the living beings of our beloved earth.

- This nature documentary is quite different than any other I've ever seen. It discusses the climate change in a way to make people actually worry about the situation. I highly recommend it to all of my followers.

- You may feel like to cry if you're an animal lover.

Strangers From Hell (2018)

- A small town boy moves to a residence of the city where he encounters many creepy strangers.

- I've never imagined this series would be that much deep. It is very detailed and the work is a piece of art. One of the best kdramas out there.

- It's very gruesome and violent. Definitely not going to recommend it to the faint hearted people.

- To be honest it gave me nightmares. I couldn't sleep properly at night for a whole week and only slept at daytime. My mind was totally wrecked.

The Tale of the Nine Tailed (2020)

- A nine tailed fox leaves his position as a forest deity to search for his reincarnated love.

- Though it is a fantasy and romance series, I mostly enjoyed the interaction between the gumiho brothers. And to be honest, I love Lee Rang <3

- Another best part of the series is the mentions of all the different sorts of mythical creatures. I love to know about mythologies of different countries.

Persona (2019)

- An anthology of short films with metaphorical meanings.

- Apart from the fact that each episode was directed by different directors with the same lead actress I don't want to say much about it. Watch it to find out. It's great BTW.

Special 8 photo-folio: Masterlist

Jeon Jungkook

Careful What You Wish For

When you’re stuck in a deserted road surrounded by wilderness, you have no other choice but to enter the huge mansion you see before you. The man you meet inside is mysterious. But he is too alluring for you to stay away from...

Kim Namjoon

True Self: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Meeting Namjoon while you take your sister to the park proves to you that he is the kind of man you’ve always fantasized about...

Park Jimin

Dweller of the Dark

You are adopted by one of the richest persons of your country at the last stage of your teen. At your new home, you meet a silent and reserved boy of your age and become attracted by him instantly. But they introduce him as your step-brother...

Kim Seokjin

Star-Crossed

The dream is repeating for many times for it to be called just a dream. Seokjin wants to find the answer while you wait patiently for him to come back to you as he had once promised...

Kim Taehyung

Coming soon...

Jung Hoseok

Coming soon...

Min Yoongi

My Guardian Angel: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

You decide to follow a kind hearted stranger to his house in the middle of nowhere after you ran away from your abusive household...

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My Guardian Angel - Part 2

Fandom: BTS Paring: Min Yoongi x Female Reader Genre: Fluff and slight angst Warning: Age gap, sorry but Yoongi spoils our little mc too much, nightmares, implication of abusive parents, running away from home, kissing (on the cheek), sickness, crying etc. Word Count: 2.8K Words Note: Since the reader is only 15 years old, I reduced Yoongi’s age to be 22. Please keep the age gap in mind before diving in to read. I must say there is nothing explicit in here.

Summary: You start to find happiness in the little things of your everyday routine bound life with the not-so-stranger in your shared home...

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 [Complete]

*************************************************

"Kitten, I'm home." A familiar voice greeted me from the outside while I was inside hiding beside the closed door.

My three most favorite words coming out of the mouth of my favorite person were enough to make even my worst day better. I tried hard to stop myself from giggling and giving away my position to him.

“Shelby, don’t!” I angrily whispered to our dog to stay quiet at her place. But she kept looking in my direction with her tail wagging behind her. I glared at her to stop. There was no time to bring Shelby beside me. Because I could already hear Yoongi opening the door.

And “Bwagh!!!” I yelled at his face right away.

“Ahh!” Yoongi sighed irritably. His eyes closed with a visible frown on his forehead. “How long will you keep this up?” He asked finally.

“Long enough for you to get used to it.” I replied happily. I wondered how stupid he could be for falling for the same old trick dozens of times. Nevertheless, this simple silly act made both of our days better.

As for most of my days, there was nothing exciting going on. Yoongi left everyday early in the morning even before I was awake. He always prepared both breakfast and lunch so that I really had no work to do. The only thing that kept me busy in this house in the middle of nowhere was our dog, Shelby. I would pet her, feed her, play with her and even talk to her from time to time to pass my lonely hours.

And Yoongi would be busy doing carpentry in the nearest town. He would have his lunch outside and would be home before it's too dark. His coming home was the time I wait for everyday since I started living with him. Because everyday I missed his presence beside me terribly.

As soon as he was home, I was happy again. I would start talking about how boring my day went and how much I missed him and what a new trick I had taught Shelby and what an interesting story I read from one of his old books and what a unique insect I had discovered outside and many more.

Despite being exhausted from his work earlier, Yoongi never complained. He listened attentively while doing his usual household chores with me. He rarely interrupted me while I talked but I knew for sure he was listening.

On a normal night, we would go to bed as soon as we were done with our dinner. But sometimes I would make a request to Yoongi to play the guitar for me. And he would be already on the couch ready to play my favorite tune as soon as I rested my head on his lap. Sometimes I would fall asleep and Yoongi would carry me to the bed without waking me up.

He let me have the bed for myself. It was too small for two people. So Yoongi would sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor beside it. I had asked him to let me sleep there instead since it was practically his house. But he refused and stayed firm in his decision.

Even with all the happiness that I never imagined I could experience, it would be a lie to say that I never feared losing it all. I often did. Actually more often than it could be counted as often. Every time I could hear Yoongi’s soft snoring through the quiet night, I would think about my life before him.

I knew that I was a burden on my step father who, after my mother’s death, had clearly shown me in every single way possible that I was unwanted in his house. But he was also very strict and possessive in nature. What if one day he decided that he would search for me?

I dreaded that my step father would find me somehow and all of this would be over. I would no longer be able to see Yoongi. I would no longer know what happiness truly feels like. I would no longer have a place to call home.

"Don't go anywhere far. I don't have the energy to look for you around the whole town." Yoongi yelled at me as I sprinted out of the grocery store.

"I won't." I replied louder as I went closer to one of my favorite places.

The gift shop.

It was a regular thing at this point. Every weekend, Yoongi would bring me with him to the town to do the week's grocery shopping and after that I was allowed to look through the cheap gift shop nearby. I would find something I liked and Yoongi would buy that for me in the hope of keeping my mood lifted throughout the whole week.

I walked around the small shop and carefully looked for the one thing that could bring me some comfort at times when Yoongi’s not there for me. And the little fox plushie, I assumed, recently came into the shop because I never had seen one here, caught my attention.

“Aren’t you a cutie?" I took the sleeping fox in my arms and cradled it slowly. I realized I had never had a stuffed animal my entire life. Not that I had always wanted one. But the sudden realization made me want to have a stuffed animal for myself.

I sensed Yoongi coming into the shop and I looked back, holding the fox towards him to see.

"So, you've already made up your mind, kitten?" Yoongi took the plushie from me to check it. But there was a frown on his forehead.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Umm... I think we can find something better than this." He returned the baby fox back to its family.

That was a really unexpected reply. Yoongi had never refused to buy me the thing I always chose for myself. I couldn’t even see any defect on it for him to say that. As he walked away from the plushie section, I took the little fox again and the price tag caught my eyes this time.

Hell, no!

"How come something that is too costly ended up at a cheap shop like this one?" I thought to myself. I could tell that my face went red from the embarrassment.

I should have been more understanding. Just because he said he'd buy me anything I liked didn't mean that I could ask for just about anything. That's asking a little too much from him considering how generous he was to me.

So, I picked a colorful key chain and showed it to Yoongi, pretending to be very hyped about it. He simply nodded and got that for me.

On our way home, I couldn't bring myself to talk like I usually did. Yoongi, too, remained too quiet.

The next weekend, Yoongi had to go to work. He said that it was the only time I had to miss going to the town and that he would make sure that it would never happen again. Despite the reassurance, I was kinda mad at him the whole day and decided not to talk to him when he came home.

He came home later than usual, called "Kitten, I'm home" as usual and asked me to put the groceries at the right places.

I, intentionally sulking at his presence, took the bags from him and got to work without any words. Judging by the heavy atmosphere that I had created around the house, he seemed to have understood how I felt. But he stayed quiet nonetheless.

My head was burning at that point. Maybe that was why I made unnecessary noises while doing the simple tasks Yoongi had assigned me to do.

"Oppa!" I couldn't help exclaiming as I noticed the small bag. I had been to the place too many times to know where it came from. And there it was. The little sleeping fox plush, waiting for me to embrace it in my arms.

I waited no longer. I ran towards Yoongi and immediately pulled him in a hug. Unable to say how happy he had made me, I kissed his cheek impulsively instead.

"Aish!" That usual sound of Yoongi whenever he was irritated or at least wanted me to think that he was.

But in a split second, his face beamed and he accidently flashed a gummy smile. Not to be exaggerating but it was a sight worth dying for. Yoongi's face changed, with that his whole demeanor changed as well. He looked like a completely different person when he smiled like that.

So, I had to say it, "Had I known it before, I would have kissed you all day and night, only for you to smile like that."

The only time I remembered going on a vacation was when I was a child and my father was alive at the time. We had gone to stay by the sea for a week. Even though most of the memories were faded, I could still see my father’s happy face in my mind sometimes.

This time it was the desert in contrast to the sea. Yoongi had planned to take a few days off from work and take me on a hike. I had never been so excited to look forward to something. We packed our stuff, got in his jeep and drove off.

The place looked so lively with many plants of vibrant colors. There were small and big mountains. The huge golden field stretched ahead of us. Yoongi parked his car at a side and we got off with our bags. After some hours of walking past the rocky mountains we found a suitable place to camp for the night.

I was excited at the prospect of sleeping in the open sky. Something about seeing the galaxy all night told me that it was a rare experience only a few fortunates could afford. I got another new reason to be grateful to Yoongi for the rest of my life.

“Oppa!” I called to check if he was already asleep since we had a long day.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“What does it feel like to look at the sky and you can see a part of eternity ahead of you?”

“Umm…” He thought for a moment before answering, “I don’t know! What do you feel about it?”

“I feel small. I feel insignificant. I feel…” I stopped and glanced at him, expecting a reaction.

He was still looking at the sky earnestly but hummed quietly at my response. It felt like I didn’t need to explain it further. Yoongi understood.

“Oppa!” I hesitantly called again, “Would you mind if I ask you something?”

“Ask away!” He shot me a pretending-to-be-annoying look and turned back to the sky.

I gulped before asking, “Why do you live alone?”

“For peace.” He sighed.

“I don't think I understand.”

Yoongi stayed quiet for some time and I felt like I shouldn’t have pushed the boundary. So, I turned on the other side and closed my eyes.

As I was dozing off, I could hear Yoongi’s deep soothing voice. He talked as if he was living the memory that he was speaking of. My tired eyes couldn’t cooperate. But my ears were all awoken.

“I was about your age, kitten, when I ran away from my parents seven years ago. Until now I never regretted that decision even though there were times I actually missed them. Because it was the only way i could bear to live with a sane mind. Solitary life offers you a kind of peace you wouldn’t know you needed until you can experience it. But…”

He stopped suddenly. I wanted to ask him to continue. I wanted to know what could be the ‘but’ when he himself said that he didn’t regret it. Apparently I didn’t need to. Because Yoongi spoke the rest of the words in a muffled voice as he fixed his posture to a comforting sleeping position.

“I never realized that it was happiness that I lacked in my life apart from peace. That was until I met you.”

His words kept me up through most of the night.

The next morning, it turned out I had a severe dust allergy. So, I woke up with a swollen face and a tight throat. The horror in Yoongi’s eyes as he realized something was wrong with me was another new thing I discovered his neutral face could do.

My feet were blistered from walking in the heat last day. So, after walking almost half of the way, Yoongi had to give me a piggyback ride until we reached his jeep.

I rested my head on his shoulders as he walked slowly carrying my weight on his back. And I spoke quietly in his ears.

“It was the same for me too, Oppa. I realized I can finally rely on someone without having to feel like a burden.”

I could hear the usual sound of the car being parked outside. I sprinted out of my room in no second to greet Yoongi. But instead I saw the man I was the most scared of before me. It was my step father.

“Long time, no see, huh?” He grinned at me with his disgusting rotten teeth.

“H… how d… did you find me?” I stammered as I took a step back.

“C’mon, now! Is that the way you greet your father?” The man began to walk towards me.

“Stop!” I yelled. “You’re not my father.” I wanted to scream it on his face but couldn’t bring myself to do so.

“Quit the game. It’s time to go home.” He quickly grabbed onto my wrist before I could turn back to run.

“Let go of me.” I screamed. “I’m not going anywhere from here.”

No matter how much I screamed or pleaded, he seemed to take no notice of that. He kept dragging me towards his van. I tried hard to fight him. But he was way too strong.

“Oppa!” I tried calling for Yoongi in vain. I knew he wouldn’t be able to hear me. He was miles away at work. He didn’t even know anything about the existence of my cruel step father.

As soon as he threw me inside his van I tried to get up and escape. But he grabbed onto my hair and pulled me back inside. I screeched my lungs out as a sharp pain ran through my head.

I woke up panting and drenched in sweat. I must have screamed in real life because Yoongi was already beside me, trying to read from my face just how bad of a nightmare I had.

I tried to speak but my breath was hitched, as always, whenever I cried. Yoongi moved a little closer and I threw myself at him, hugging him by his neck and sobbing loudly on his chest.

My grip on him tightened as he tried to move. I couldn’t let him go from my sight. I couldn’t let my nightmare come to reality.

Yoongi hugged me back and stayed that way for quite some time before whispering softly in my ears.

“Kitten!” He said, “I’m not going anywhere. Just give me a minute, okay?”

I sniffed and nodded my head as I released my hold on his neck. Yoongi went to the patio and came back quickly with his guitar. I tilted my head to the side in confusion.

Yoongi started to play a soft tune. It was a new one. I hadn’t heard him playing it before. I grabbed a pillow and leaned on the side of the bed. Then I closed my eyes to absorb the music. I noticed that it made me feel relaxed within a minute and I was able to speak again. He really knew how to calm me down.

Something that I had come to notice was that Yoongi never talked unless he knew for sure I was ready to speak again. So I had to make the first move. And I calculated just what to ask for in my head before I spoke.

“Oppa! I have a favor to ask for.” I stated quietly. I knew Yoongi wouldn’t be able to refuse.

He stopped the music and looked towards me. I said, “Can you please lie beside me until I sleep? Just tonight? I swear I won’t ask again.”

Yoongi closed his eyes and shook his head in frustration, “Aish! This girl and her whining. Yah!” He scolded me, still speaking softly though, “Don’t you think I’m spoiling you a little too much? You’re always asking for favors. How old do you think you are?...”

His rant went on about as much time as it took for him to make the bed. Then he lied in the corner, making an irritated face. I smilingly joined him without a word. Even though he would say that he didn’t like to be touched, he was undoubtedly the best cuddling partner one could ever wish for.

Special 8 Photo-folio Masterlist

My Personal Masterlist

Tag List: @kpopppy,  @mimislovee,  @cutubabyyy,  @pinnk-bvnny,  @just1xn,  @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d,  @mamamobluehaypka,  @moonyoon5839,  @laisalia,  @rabreu1414,  @fqky,  @miaaa1122,  @legendarydreamqueen

Feel free to let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list...

J-Hope - Green

4/7 (Check out other colours/members here)

Jack In The Box, album by J-Hope

Notes: It’s time to express some of my thoughts regarding every member’s solo albums and singles. I’ve been putting it off for months. Let’s do it without further delay, starting with the first member to have released his solo album.

1. Intro: 9/10

“It flapped its delicate wings as it danced around Pandora, lightly brushing against her shoulder.”

Basically it’s the story of Pandora in Greek Mythology and the origin of hope in the mortal world. If you haven’t heard it yet, this post is a sign for you to look it up (also check out Ted Ed’s video ‘The myth of Pandora’s box’ for more details). The narration of the story (J-Hope’s intro) is smooth and short. It sounds pleasing to the ears. And it is definitely a unique idea for his album’s intro. I believe what Hoseok’s been trying to tell is that what he is to the Armys is what hope is to all the people on earth.

2. Pandora’s Box: 10/10

“J to the Hope, Jung to the Huimang, Jack in the box”

Only Hoseok can make a fine connection between a myth, a toy and his whole personality and also make total sense. It’s probably my first time listening to a song that is a retelling of a myth. And Hoseok did an amazing job here. The lyrics made my jaw drop, like literally. I said it once and I’ll say it a hundred times, BTS is one of the few artists who knows what poetry truly is. And this song is one of the many living proofs.

3. More: 8.5/10

“My work makes me breathe. So I want more”

The first released song with the music video shook me a great deal like it did to many Armys I’m sure. The sunshine of the group in such a grim-emo kinda look was absolutely out of the blue. Nevertheless, this vibe suits him right. Comparing their passion for making art with an awful addiction is a thing BTS did in their early works too. I can see that theme portrayed from Hoseok’s perspective so well.

4. Stop: 6.5/10

“The only belief that rules over me, ‘There are no bad people in the world’”

The struggle of freeing yourself of the innate nature of being judgmental is portrayed in this masterpiece. Shoutout to Hoseok for speaking about the truth of today's world and people’s values and ethics while still keeping an open mind, making sure not to judge anyone harshly. The lyrics definitely deserve praise. But personally I think it is not a song that I can listen to more than once.

5. = (Equal Sign): 7/10

“Same, the breaths we breathe. Same, the dreams we dream of”

Yes! Sing it, J-hope. Who’s going to give us hope at times of despair if it isn’t you? The change is indeed soon to begin. We’re all in this together. Let’s make a better world without prejudice and hate. BTS, as well as us, the Armys; we believe in ‘Love’.

6. Music Box: Reflection: 10/10

This one is actually brilliant. At first I played it on repeat many times a day. I even set it as my alarm ringtone and it is still there. I know, we shouldn’t be doing that because it makes us hate the music afterwards. But I still couldn’t grow to dislike it. This music has a whole aesthetic to it that makes me imagine myself in a music video everytime I play it.

7. What If...: 8.5/10

“What if I have nothing?”

This one shows what Hoseok has been trying to portray through the whole album pretty directly. You can see him questioning his own personality. Is he really all sunshine and rainbows inside out? I mean, is that even possible for a human? You can hear his passion pouring out in the voice. Chef’s kiss to the bravery of finally speaking out; louder for the people on the back.

8. Safety Zone: 8/10

“In my 20’s, I’m living an endless life”

It hurts when you look up a song and you find the lyrics so sad. The life of an idol is never really easy. People need to keep in mind that these idols are humans too. Give them some break for God’s sake. They talk about their struggles through their songs and yet we fail to see it. I really hope Hoseok finds peace and happiness that he deserves.

9. Future: 6.5/10

“Walking in the future, a step of hope”

The fact that Hoseok worries about his future too shows how much he is like us. After all, at the end of the day, we’re all human. Let’s keep our courage and step forward.

10. Arson: 10/10

“Do I put out the fire or burn even brighter?”

Just think about the poetic effect of the last line of the last song. Even though I liked most of the songs from this album, Arson takes the trophy. The music, the lyrics, the mv, everything is just fine as fine can be. J-Hope never disappoints us with his unique ideas. I’m in love…

Notes: The album is a masterpiece and it deserves all the attention it got and more. Apart from the fact that the music and the beats are all kinda dope, we need to focus on its lyricism too. This album feels like a cry for help. We need to acknowledge Hoseok's struggle as an idol and try to sympathize. Let's try to become the best version of ourselves as fans and let our idols live a normal life while supporting them unconditionally.

Red Hope! - Part 2

Specially requested by @lelewright1234. Hope you enjoy!

Note: This work is totally fictional and has nothing to do with BTS on real life. I mean no hate toward any person in particular. This plotline was requested. Though I personally hate bullies, I still believe there is hope for everyone.

Fandom: BTS Pairing: OT7 × OC (Leah) Warning: Bullies, heart condition, divorced parents, etc. Genre: Angst Summary: Leah’s little background check and the start of it all...

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 (Complete)

*************************************************

The name’s Leah and I’m 17 years old. Being born with a heart murmur and having a heart surgery as a baby, gave me the advantage of being spoiled by my whole family.

My parents were originally from Trinidad and Tobago. But I was born and grew up in America. Everything in my life was great until I reached 9 and my parents got divorced, leaving my safe haven being torn apart from the center.

I said my last goodbye to my father with tears on my face and moved with my mother to South Korea. She remarried a South Korean retired marine within a year. My step-father too, like my biological one, spoiled me with everything I wanted.

The main problem was outside my house, the people from the neighborhood. I was always considered an outsider. Being the only black girl in school was really tough for me, until my best friend, Nina joined.

Then there was this boy in class, Jungkook. At first, I considered him to be extremely shy. I really liked him and wanted to be friends. But it turned out to be a nightmare.

Jungkook took me to meet his group of some older boys from the neighborhood. The first meeting proved how wrong I was about Jungkook. He was the naughtiest kid I had ever encountered whenever he was in front of his hyungs.

Speaking of his hyungs, they were crazy as hell. They teased me with such mean comments I never expected on a first meeting. I was on the verge of tearing up when one of them, Namjoon, stopped the others and told me to go away.

Since then I tried my best to avoid them. Even during classes I would avoid sitting with Jungkook and talking with him. But they didn’t give up. It seemed like they really enjoyed bullying me. During breaks, they would all come to our class often to tease me or to make some remarks about me, making others laugh.

This continued, even after we got into high school. Seemed like they always had something new for me and they never got bored. I tried my best to avoid them. But at times, I would aggressively react to their behaviors making them shut up for some days, only for them to return with more jokes after.

I did ballet since I was 2. It was something like breathing to me. I didn’t love doing it, but it was a part of me anyway. I was taking ballet class where every now and then I bumped into Hoseok and Jimin. They also took dance classes. Mostly when they were alone, they would either ignore me or would try to talk nicely. But if they were together, they could make me wish I never took the classes in the first place.

The boys’ behaviors were really confusing sometimes. Most people assumed we were close friends, since we could be seen together in many places, though it was always them following me. Sometimes the boys would actually try to treat me nicely and then again went back to being their old selves.

So, this was a life I was used to. The teasing and hurtful comments they made about me was somehow bearable until at a point, it got worse and I slowly started to hate them.

But if I had to tell the truth, I pitied them more than I hated them. Here they were, seven very young boys, living together without any guardian. Who could teach them how to behave?

I felt like these boys lack the most important emotion it takes to be a human. The Bangtan Boys lack love.

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