Everytime I Let It Slip How Bad I’m Actually Doing, I’m Reminded I’m Not Allowed To Actually Feel

Wouldn't it be much better if we just break up?

A very coward move, I know. I'm a bastard of a lover and you're just another unseeming person wanting to feel loved.

It's not like you're perfect, and it's not like I'm the single most horrible person on the planet.

I guess we're too different. Opposites may attract but not all opposing traits blend well. It doesn't become whole or complete, it clashes into a mess.

But maybe not everything needs so become one. It can coexist together without bleeding into each other.

Like us. We're attracted to each other, but we might not blend well. We can still be by each other's side either way, just, not as one.

Alike water and oil, mustard yellow and beige, also you and I.

we don't make enough fun of Batman for not being a vampire. seriously this guy:

nightwalker, lurks in the shadows

goes flying through the city at night hunting down his quarry

romps around in a dramatic ass cape

lives in a gothic manor that is definitely haunted (by the narrative, the ghosts of the past, etcetera)

served by a single devoted familiar servant who seems to share some portion of his strange powers

has multiple fledglings proteges he recruits and trains to share his dark powers

the source of great, often contradictory lore (conflicting reports on his powers/weaknesses/backstory, varies by canon)

unaging (his publication history spans how many decades?)

clearly has some sort of arcane powers superhuman abilities, despite making a huge effort to pass as a Normal Human Guy

autistic bisexual

notice i didn't even mention the whole BAT themed everything. and we're expected to believe this character is NOT a vampire? i'm being baited.

we are so back (relapsing)

*sighs dreamily* what is Wrong with him

holy fuck why does it always feel like i’m asking for too much, always asking too much.

Honestly, I sometimes contemplate on my actions to an unnecessary point.

What if I never said 'yes'? Maybe I should've just waited longer.

It's normal, though. Everyone does that. They, too, want to end the pain by drowning in their own blood rather than in guilt. They'll feel like the most miserable person in the whole world and regret it the next day. They were just caught up in the moment.

They'll regret throwing away old things, cutting their wrists open, macrodosing those pills, chugging down that bottle of bitterness that taste sweeter than their suffering.

They'll only end up as addicts. Adding up to their pain with every pill they take, with every slit from that cutter, and with every drop of body fluids they excrete in whatever way.

I am merely another one of them. I am not in any way better or worse. I am just another number in the statistics.

i hate falling in love. i hate falling in love. i hate falling.

i hate caring so much about someone. i hate having someone constantly running in my mind, distracting me of all my other needs.

i hate crying when i realize that i have put my guard down for someone. i hate seeing my reflection, thinking that i have disgraced myself. how can i let my body feel funny for a person?

i hate knowing that i have feelings for my other half. i hate realizing how i seem in front of others. i hate being aware of my own faults.

i hate that i will never be with that person. i hate that i won't ever make progress with that person, even until our last meeting.

i hate that i don't know who he really is. i hate that i've done nothing about this tragedy. i hate that i like him.

“do you want to talk about it?”

no, i want to kill myself because of it.