Donating My Body To Science So My Corpse Can Be The Cadaver That Awakens A Deeper Understanding Of Lust

SMUT WORDS

A- Abdomen, Ablaze, Ache,  Acute, Ass, Adore, Absorb, Admire, Arousal, Aroused, Apex, Amorousness, Affection, Appreciation, Adulation, Ardency, Ardor, Afternoon Delight, Anal, Anal Beads, Arousing, Attract, Admiration, Adulate, Adonis, Adoration, Adrenaline, Adorn, Approval, Affinity, Afire, Agape, Aggravate, Aggressive, Agile, Allure, Angel, Aphrodisiac, Arch, Aroma, Ascend, Ascendant, Amatory, Alluring, Affectionate, Aching, Animalistic

B- Breasts, Boobs, Butt, Beloved, Burst, Bottom-Out, Balls-deep, Brain, Bite, Benevolence, Boner, Bare, Baby, Baby-Girl, Butt Plug, Bang, Bone, Bob, Brush, Burn, Burrow, Bury, Beautiful, Bare, Bruised

C- Caress, Cock, Cunt, Clench, Clit, Cherish, Comfort, Cuddle, Coddle, Cum, Creampie, Curve, Curl, Climax, Copulate, Choke, Coarse, Chapped, Cock-Slut, Cuddly,  Captivate, Carnal, Copulate, Cup, Clasp, Cling, Cradle, Cry, Cute, Charming, Caring, Cum-Slut, Capitulation, Captivating, Come-hither, Core

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romance ??? AND disgusting sex ????

self harming by trying to make your symptoms worse on purpose

holy fuck why does it always feel like i’m asking for too much, always asking too much.

I can’t believe the way the series ruined dexter’s character and erased his personality, I just read the first EAH book , damn he has personality, he isn’t just having a crush on raven , he’s nerdy , athletic, catapults cabbages for some reason , knows the library like the back of his hand , curious about his story , worried about it too cause he doesn’t have his entire life to prep for it like most ppl , actually interacts with raven enough to catch a crush .

Dexven in the books is soo superior, he’s the first royal to seek her out after legacy day , helps her in trying to see her story in the story book and she promises him to see his , helps her in finding the book about all the students , invites her and encourages the rebels to join the legacy day party , first person that approaches raven after she wears her legacy day fit , raven thinks about him and always describes him beautifully. I can’t wait to read the other eah books .

Everytime I let it slip how bad I’m actually doing, I’m reminded I’m not allowed to actually feel anything.

I have to be okay all the time that’s my job.

:/

“do you want to talk about it?”

no, i want to kill myself because of it.

It's just empathy. It's probably just empathy.

I see him hurting, and I feel hurt too. More specifically, I feel hurt that I had hurt him.

I wasted away the tiny bit of trust he had on me. I diminished the spark we had. I shattered the rose-tinted glasses. I wanted to become his warming sun, but ended up as the one burning him down.

No matter how many times I can say sorry, no matter how many roses I can give him, and no matter the physical favors I can present to him, it just won't be the same.

I never really ask people to forgive me. Being forgiven or not, I still made them hurt. I also hurt because of that, and I hurt even more because of the fact that I'm so selfish that I get hurt because I made other people hurt. I always make it about me.

What a horrible person I am.

I should be gone for good, but that wouldn't undo the pain and burden I had inflicted on others. I should live on in agony and suffering so that I would feel as hurt as they were.

But that would be selfish.

What if other people notice it? What if people notice that I live in constant self-hatred and self-harm that they start to get concerned? Wait, that's asking for too much.

I can't help it, I'm just another selfish being. Writing this also makes me selfish. I'm typing this like I'm the most miserable person on earth, right?

Honestly, I sometimes contemplate on my actions to an unnecessary point.

What if I never said 'yes'? Maybe I should've just waited longer.

It's normal, though. Everyone does that. They, too, want to end the pain by drowning in their own blood rather than in guilt. They'll feel like the most miserable person in the whole world and regret it the next day. They were just caught up in the moment.

They'll regret throwing away old things, cutting their wrists open, macrodosing those pills, chugging down that bottle of bitterness that taste sweeter than their suffering.

They'll only end up as addicts. Adding up to their pain with every pill they take, with every slit from that cutter, and with every drop of body fluids they excrete in whatever way.

I am merely another one of them. I am not in any way better or worse. I am just another number in the statistics.