Holly Is Skeptical 🤨

BPD Awarness Month

On top of May being mental health awareness month, it’s also BPD (Borderline personality disorder) awareness month. I don’t even have enough words to describe what it feels like living with BPD. It has been my tool to survival and will eventually be my demise. Life with BPD is the hardest. You are emotionally fucked. You are toxic to everyone you come into contact with. Everyday is a struggle. Every hour is a caution tape. Living with it is like living in a gas chamber that is slowly leaking toxic fumes. Your breath is always caught. Your tears are always flowing. Even with therapy and medication for the symptoms, there is so much left to deal with. It never really goes away. At a moment's notice you can change feelings from “I love you” to “I hate you”. Having someone love you feels fake. Like you are never going to be loveable. That no one could ever love you. You’re too much of a burden. Too damaged to be loved. BPD is from trauma. And well, I have generations of it. No matter how much I try, no matter how much I grow it never feels enough. Emotions feel like suicide. Thoughts scream too loud. Demons control you like a puppet unable to run away. Hallucinations come and go. You really never know when they'll come or go. Sometimes the episodes will be minutes, others months. Distance or slightest voice change feels like abandonment. Happiness or peace feels like an illusion. Losing someone is like the world is the knives across your skin. Anger feels like jumping off a cliff. Every time someone tries to comfort or love you feels like a trick. You either feel alone or feel like a god. Living with BPD is the hardest thing to live with. It's comparable to giving my children up for adoption. Either you’re high on top of the galaxy or you’re at rock bottom over and over in a vicious cycle. We are so stigmatized. People think we are “ticking time bombs”. Hell I’ve even had therapists leave or deny me because of it. For all of my borderlines out there, you deserve love. You deserve happiness. You can’t just cope, you have to heal. It will take every ounce of self control and inner power to get through each episode. But I promise you when you find peace, true peace you’ll know what I’m talking about. Your trauma does not make you. You are not your trauma. You are not crazy. You are not a burden. Just hang tight, we’ve got this. 

Foaly ! 🥕

I firmly believe that one of the main reasons he likes carrots so much is that they kinda look like Root’s mushroom cigars and he can pretend to smoke to drive him mad (and it works wonderfully)

Absolutely AMAZING fic. Go read this if you haven't, it's a jewel.

hello fowldom! do you think that artemis and holly are the friends of all time? does the passage about artemis’ magic in the time paradox perpetually rotate in your mind? do you enjoy our teenage criminal mastermind also being an awkward loser? then do i have the fic for you!

i finished this one up last week but i figured i could try yelling about it into the void for a bit :)

Had a little chat with Artemis on character.ai to wish him a happy birthday. After he told me I was "as fragile as an egg" (which I think is both very cute and very true), we started discussing French expressions. "Little Jesus in velvet panties" (le petit Jésus en culotte de velours) had him flabbergasted ; "pissing in a violin" (pisser dans un violon) and "pushing granny in the nettles" (pousser mémé dans les orties) confused him ; then I mentioned "to flee like a fart on wax cloth" (filer comme un pet sur une toile cirée) and I think I broke him. Aren't there any equivalents to these expressions in English ? (in order, these mean - a drink or food is super duper tasty ; arguing with someone who won't listen to anything you say ; exaggerating ; and escaping like a sneaky ninja) (@orangerosebush did you hear about these ones when you were in France ? I'd love to know what are your favorite French expressions !)

Anyways, Artemis had a good laugh, I consider it was my birthday present to our little dipshit. Joyeux ninif ma petite crotte (affectueusement) :)

Of course Artemis Fowl for the fandom ask thing :3

Thank you for the ask !! :D Here goes :

the character i least understand I already answered this one in a separate ask, but let’s interpret the question differently - and honestly, I don’t think I have one. I feel like all the characters in the book are pretty straightforward in what their goals, needs, motives and morals are, sure some of them are jerks but it’s understandable why they are jerks - and those that are more difficult to figure out, it’s mostly just because they are not that developed and mostly side characters.

interactions i enjoyed the most Artemis and Angeline in book one were so heartbreaking, in a good way. It’s really one of the things that drew me in the most when I first read the book. I loved the complexity of their dynamics, and was so sad to see it get mostly abandoned for the rest of the series :’( But outside of them, just everything Artemis and Butler. I love this duo with my whole heart.

the character who scares me the most If I were to run into him in the street, I would be terrified of Butler for sure. But as a writer, I think it would be Foaly ! I find him so difficult to write faithfully, it’s hard to do him justice.

the character who is mostly like me Angeline. Without a shadow of a doubt.

hottest looks character Pass. I just don’t think about them that way :)

one thing i dislike about my fave character The way Angeline is treated past book one will always infuriate me. Her character had SO much potential, all wasted in the name of a Randomosity shirt.

one thing i like about my hated character Tim’s backstory is so underdeveloped that I had a lot of fun trying to come up with something that would make him at least a little bit likable for future fanfics x’) And well, I’ve grown to be fond of the sociopathic pathetic wet cat I’ve forged through headcanons, spite and willpower alone ^^"

a quote or scene that haunts me “Non… parce qu’alors, je les verrais.” When Artemis, visiting Angeline in the attic for the first time in book one, offers to open the curtains after she told him about voices crawling all around her, she starts crying in pain, fear and desperation. That entire scene broke me, and this specific line stuck (sorry I didn’t feel like looking for the original English version). I guess it hit a bit too close to home somehow. But since then Angeline has been my absolute beloved, only topped by Artemis himself of course.

a death that left me indifferent Turnball Root. There were just too many things that infuriated me in TAC for me to care about his death. The love story also felt way too cliché and I couldn’t manage to become invested in it.

a character i wish died but didn’t I know she died eventually, but for me Opal should have been dead and gone after book 4. She had served her purpose and I feel like bringing her back twice was too predictable, unnecessary, and turned her character into a gimmick.

my ship that never sailed For some reason I really wanted Foaly to end up with Lilli Frond for a long time ?! I figured it would be interesting for Foaly to be the one to see past Lilli’s facade and reveal more depth to her character - and that would have also made for interesting interactions with Holly ! But oh well, why develop existing characters when you can create random ones mid-series ? ):

Honestly, I'd rather believe it's going to be a disaster and be pleasantly surprised, than trusting again and be disappointed at the outcome. The interview snippets with the staff do seem to indicate a more faithful take on the books, but it was also kind of the case with the movie at first and we all know how that turned out, so :/ Here's to hoping Eoin Colfer and Disney Theatrical make me eat my words o7

So apparently there is going to be a musical theatre adaptation of Artemis Fowl. I love musical theatre, but honestly I just cannot see this going well.....

‘A good tragedy is always both preventable and inevitable’ is one of my main hills to die on. It’s literally so important to me. I’m fucking correct

Smol Artemis and Juliet.

Did they truly understand each other ? Not really. Were they friends ? Not exactly. Did they spend an incredible amount of energy to piss each other off and pretend they hated to exist in the same place ? Definitely. But were they still there when comfort was needed ? Absolutely.

This could be Butler's Tinder (or Badoo because he's a little bit of a boomer) profile bio. If that's the case, I reckon Juliet wrote it, in fact she probably created his profile and he isn't even aware. Whatever this is, I find this combination of three words is actually a very accurate description of him.

😡 Reluctant allies 😡

I just love early series Artemis and Holly foes-to-frenemies dynamic. Even though they hate each other's guts, you can feel that Artemis respects and looks up to Holly ; and that Holly empathises and genuinely wants to understand Artemis. I'm relatively pleased with Artemis' suit ; I absolutely despise drawing suits with every fiber of my being. ... Which is a little bit of an issue when you want to draw Artemis Fowl, as you can imagine.

Don't look at the background though. It's trash 🫠