B-b-bad To The Boan

I cast cure wounds

i love making art

Oh yeah, we bloopin’

Found the bard

A young apprentice recently overheard me practicing rapping, I was surprised to find he was impressed with my ablities and even suggested publishing it, following his advice: here is one of my more recent works

strokes beard wisely

Yuh,

big AW in the studio, be prepared young traveler...

*beat drop*

Yall little minds aren't prepared for my wizardry, casting all my spells bending minds and reality, your world is a lie, I made it, call that a trickery, your spells are decadent, don't have it in you anymore, my long game victory

there's no kingdom I couldn't conquer,, if I wanted to, foes in war too simple,, getting bored of you, battling puny mortals ain't as fun as it used to, I surpassed what you can comprehend, make me the god of you

*music cuts to choir sample*

*music returneth*

but everyone calls themselves a god these days, regular ass wizards, playing pretend, you think you figured it out, you just stopped aging man, godhood, immortality, is 'bout something else

the tales of my battles are spread far across the lands, killed a dragon over here, flattened a city over there,, my powers uncontrollable, my flow boggling minds again, was sealed away for aeons once, now sealing the potholes of the walk of fame- we're done

*audible explosion*

Anytime i see a bunch of pride flags i have to restrain myself from saying "where mexico" bc i doubt anyone will know I'm referencing this

I WANT THREE SEASONS AND A MOVIE ABOUT THEM

[This idea has been rattling in my brain and I had to share it.]

I know we all love the ‘humans are space orcs’ concept… but imagine, onboard the new ship they’ve been assigned to, the human meets an actual space orc. A massive monster… fangs and tusks and scars and a battle-hardened stare, looming over all the other life forms on the ship in its thick indestructible armour it refuses to remove. It barely drinks, it doesn’t need sleep, its massive shoulders are heavy with the terrible things it has experienced. Compared to the squishy & delicate human body, this thing is a walking tank.

… Except instead of hating/ignoring one another, the human and the monster start bonding over both coming from death planets. The human is excited to find a life form who doesn’t quiver with fear at the vague description of a jellyfish and the monster is ecstatic to meet someone who understands the feeling of being bitten by a qua’lem (cats are pretty close). They sit together and compare dangerous animals and locations as the other aliens look on in confusion and fear… oh, you also have dense jungles of deadly hidden predators, boiling acid lakes, tamed predatory killers, and areas with horrendously high and low temperatures? Sick!! 

It doesn’t take long before the two of them become totally inseparable. The human loves not feeling like some kind of crazy outsider and the monster is overjoyed they’ve finally found an equal in this unkillable marshmallow.

Monster: When I was a youngling, a grol-lik stung straight through my armour. The pain lasted for approximately 16 human hours. Human: Oh yeah man, I get that. As a kid I got a wasp stuck in my shirt. It stung me like four times, it was awful, and all my cousins just laughed at me… Monster: [using their arm screen to research human courting methods] I see.

I’m quitting coffee now

it’s almost that time of the year again, so you know what that means

OP, are you a lizard?

i should have never left Hollow Earth..