Where Do I Go Who Do I Go To Fuck This Shit

Genuinely nothing helps anymore it really is over for me

Borderline ruins my fucking life everyday I actually can’t do this I feel like im just going to breakdown

Suicide is something I am surprised you have never went through. Despite all your hardships in your life, there you are, standing tall and breathing. You’re accepting whatever life throws at you. This is something I will always love about you. Your strength. Your ability to say fuck you to issues that may be a really big deal to you, and to move forward. I wish that I would’ve been more like you.

I am sorry that I failed you. I am sorry that I did just give up. I’m Sorry that I had to disappoint you this way. I’m sorry that I made you feel ashamed, embarrassed, or uncomfortable with me when I was alive. I know a lot of the choices that I had made were not the best ones, that I made a lot of stupid choices on what to do with myself and who I involved myself with and everything, but I was just trying to escape. I was afraid to come to you because I know a lot of this stuff seems over dramatic, but it’s so real to me mom. It’s so real to me. And I was scared. I shouldn’t of been, but I was. There are so many things that I have not told you about that has spiraled me into these delusions. This isn’t your fault.

I’m sorry that I had made your life so much harder when I was born. I know that we got better as we grew up but I know that I weighed down heavy on you. I was a really big issue. I know that you would’ve preferred to be bothered by me than seeing me gone from your life forever, and im Sorry I’ve decided to make this choice. It isn’t your fault.

I will always forgive you. For every thing you’ve called me, for the years of depression you faced resulting in neglect, for all the arguments we’ve gotten into—every single bad thing that’s happened with us, it is behind me now. I will always love you. There really is nothing you could’ve done to ever make me stop loving you. You were my sunshine during rainy days even if you were the cause of the rain sometimes. You are only human and you make mistakes.

I will love you forever, all mistakes included. I am so lucky that I got the privilege to be your child. I’m so lucky that I was able to grow up with a mother like you. I’m so glad you raised me. I know it wasn’t perfect, but I’d rather have this fucked up life with you instead of having a perfect one with someone else.

I will always love you forever. My love for you will never go away, even into the afterlife. You will always be my best friend. You could never change that no matter what you may have done. I’m sorry that this happened. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you.

I love you mom. I don’t know where I will be if there is an afterlife, but I hope that one day I can open my eyes and see you again. I hope that you go to Heaven if it’s real, even if that means I will never see you again. Never forget how much I appreciated you. Never forget that I will always love you from my entire being. I won’t leave your side, even in the afterlife. I love you mom. I always will.

I love you.

I don’t have anybody

I am so unimportant and it hurts. My life is nothing but a sick joke. I’m stuck inside of purgatory. Surely hell can’t be worse than this. I don’t think it can get worse than this. I can’t take it. I have to die. I can’t keep living like this anymore

THATMOMENT WHEN YOU ARE THE ENTIRE REASON YOUR BEST FRIEND IS NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND ANTMORE AND YOU FINALLY REALIZE YOU REALLY HAVE FUCKED UP YOUR LIFE BEUOND REPAIR AND YOU WILL ACTUALLY DIE ALONE THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU WILL NEVER BE RELATED IR LOVED EVER AGAIN OH MY GOD IM GOING TO BLEED OUT I HOPE MY BOYFRIEND CATCHES ME

I’m an embarrassment to fucking everyone

I hate talking about it. I hate hearing people talk to me. I hate being known. I hate being “out there”. I hate everyone who says they prioritize me then they lie to me. I just wish that I was stable. I wish things were right. I’m so fucking unhappy and I thought I was doing better but I’m just not.

I feel so weird talking to anyone right now. I don’t like it and I don’t want to talk to anybody I want to be left alone forever. I just wish I was dead. It feels like the good times truly could never make up for the misery the rest of my life has to give me. I fucking hate everything. I hate thinking about what comes after. I hate thinking about the death process. I hate it all. I just want it over. I want to escape and just never be known and be alone forever.

I don’t want anyone to have anything to do with me. I feel so depressed and I try not to let these emotions get to me but Jesus Christ it’s so hard not to. My friends all discard me and I get talked over and it’s so tiring.

I just wish I was loved. I wish that I knew I was loved and cared about and praised and adored and whatever the fuck. I wish I didn’t need anyone else’s approval. I’m so fucking over it.

Please fucking help me

Why have I been in sk many near death situations and haven’t gone away yet why do I have to do it why can’t I just be taken out god praying for death DOESNT work and it’s obvious Everytime I try I fail I can’t take it god please whoever is up there get me out of here I don’t care if it’s Heaven or hell I deserve to rot in hell I’m disgusting oh my god I’m going to die alone even in the afterlife L.O.L😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I am miserable and venting about it like this makes me feel even more selfish

Maybe Hell is real but at least me rotting in the flames would be better than what’s happening to me right now