I Am Giving This Behavioral Hospital A Try And If It Doesn’t Work That Will Be The Confirmation

I hate this so much I just wish I was fucking normal I feel guilt and shame and embarrassment. And fucking stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I am so goddamn dumb im a fucking home im so paranoid and feel so fucking awful

I just want to kill myself . I feel like the most weakest most worthless most vulnerable little kid in the entire world. I feel like a helpless child. I feel so worthless. Please just kill me

I thought things were okay what’s going on why is this happening

I don’t have anybody left I am going to die alone

I wish it didn’t fucking hurt as much as it did. I wish it didn’t take everything in me to not text you and beg for you back. I can’t do it.

I just have to accept you’re gone and that you never really loved me. Why does it still hurt? Why am I still affected like it happened yesterday? I shouldn’t be judging myself for this because it is completely human, such as I, and I experience emotions like everyone else albeit very very intensely. I just feel so alone and I don’t know why.

I have everything I want it feels like. I’m learning how to make music on computer. I have friends. I have a wonderful relationship. I have support. I get constant money and am so lucky financially. I get out more. I have all the clothes I want. I have parents who care. What the fuck is wrong with me and why am I like this? Why do I feel alone right now? Why do I feel the worst I’ve ever fucking felt?

I feel sick and anxious im not trying to be a brat or talk against you or anything I just don’t feel okay right now

I am going to kill myself

Please god help me. Please just let me fucking die. I pray for my death every single night and nobody answers me. I don’t know what to do. I am not a person to anyone anymore. I’ve faded out of relevancy. I’m not important to people I care about anymore. I don’t feel loved, or appreciated, or cared for, or anything. I’m just human fucking garbage. I’m such an awful person and I would literally pay someone if they could kill me. I’m losing my mind. I’d save up so much money for someone to kill me. I would let someone kill me for free in any way they’d like just as long as I died. I just want to die. I don’t know why the universe keeps me alive because I don’t fucking belong here. I just want to fucking die. Nothing or nobody is worth living for anymore

I genuinely have never hated myself more than I do now nothing makes me feel better anymore I am just rotten

It fucking hurts so bad why do I have to suffer with this shit you did to me why the fuck do I always have to be affected by the fucking shit you do what did I do to deserve this bullshit I fucking can’t stand it what the fuck did I do what the fuck did I do