I Can’t Be A Functioning Adult Im So Doomed My Future Is Bleak What Ma I Going To Do

I genuinely believe God isn’t taking me out yet because this is his version of Hell for me which is being but can’t successfully die and purposely he’s dragging me through all of this pain and forcing me to stay alive because he knows I want out he won’t let me out he hates me

This is genuinely Hell I’m already in hell and he shaped it to seem like I’m living an individual shitty life no this is a punishment i don’t know what for but I’m scared and nothing I can do will ever let him forgive me and I’m scared I don’t want to be an awful person

I want to be forgiven in general but I just don’t want this anymore ill be a good person if you just let me fucking go on to a different place please I have prayed asking for d**th and nothjng has fucking happened because he knows there’s nothing I hate more than being alive

Fuck I’m cursed I don’t know if this is psychosis I don’t know but I’m genuinely convinced I’m living in Hell and that this is a punishment for something I did long long ago I am genuinely convinced I’m In hell Icant get out of my own brain what am I gonna do

I fucking hate it.

I hate every moment without you. You’ve been on my mind more recently. Every lovey dovey thing reminds me of you. Every single thing reminds me of you. I still wonder how you’re doing. And I still wonder if you will ever come back to me.

Im still attached to you. I still want you back. It still hurts that you are really over thus (or what it seems). God I want you back so bad. I hate that I do but fuck I really, really do. I want you back more than fucking anything.

I miss you and your presence. I regret ever sending hateful messages to you. I regret even telling anybody what happened. If you came back i dont know if id be happy or hurl. I wish it didn’t end the way it did. I wish you were still with me. I wish we were still together.

I know that logically it would be better for me to move on from you and to heal and to just. Never EVER go back to you. But fuck I want to. I want you back so goddamn bad. I Miss you. I still love you.

I wish you could come back into my life again. I really, really do. I wish we never even broke up. But you’re such a piece of shit and a terrible person. But I still miss you. I feel so broken without you. Please just come back to me in some way. I miss you so fucking much. I just want you. I can’t stop thinking about you or missing you or anything. You were my whole world I just fucking wish you could’ve reciprocated it goddamnit. I did everything for you. I still love you so much I really do. I didnt mean all those awful nasty things I said about you or anything.

Im sorry i lashed out. I’m sorry.

Now I really dont have a chance back with you and I fucking hate it. I just want to talk to you again. I remember all the good memories and im just crushed. You were my everything. I fucking loved you goddamnit why did you do this to me. Im not over you I just want you back I can’t stand it.

I know you were terrible. I know that you lied to me. I know you did terrible things behind my back probably. But I don’t even care. I would still let you do those things to me if it meant you could come back & we would be together. I fucking miss you man. I do. I fucking love you my heart still loves you so much even though you spat it out on the ground and crushed it. I wish you weren’t so fucking evil. I wish you didnt do this to me. I fucking miss you. I dont want to but I do.

I wish that I could’ve just talked to you normally I wish this never fucking happened I just wish I lived in ignorant bliss forever if it meant I could stay with you. Goddamnit. God fucking dammit. I love you so much still. I can’t go on. I really can’t.

I fucking hate you so much for making me feel this way. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. God why.

It is like there’s always something with me and it makes me feel so ashamed. I don’t cause problems on purpose. I don’t act out this way on purpose. I just want help

It genuinely hurts to live

I dont want anybody to see me I don’t want to be around people I don’t want any of that I just want to be alone with no mirrors no nothing and just be by myself forever

I’m too flirty while I’m manic I don’t know what’s going on with me

I know I don’t know you, and you don’t know me and are probably just scrolling through the tags, but if you need someone I am here. I might not get to it right then, but I also come in here a lot.

Basically, don’t be afraid to reach out. We’re all in this together. Even if we don’t know each other, I’m happy to hear you vent and even offer advice if you wanted, but if you don’t that’s okay.

Just know things will get better.

Everything is temporary.

You are loved and appreciated and deserve nothing but a great life.

I just want to kill myself . I feel like the most weakest most worthless most vulnerable little kid in the entire world. I feel like a helpless child. I feel so worthless. Please just kill me

Shit doesn’t get better I’m so sick of everyone telling me that my life is genuinely horrible I need to die oh my fucking god I’m so angry at myself I just want to fucking die

I can’t stop relapsing I just want to fucking die man