It Hurts Less More And More Everyday But I Am Still Sad Over You Kinda. I Miss You. Sometimes I Want

It genuinely hurts to live

I hate this so much I just wish I was fucking normal I feel guilt and shame and embarrassment. And fucking stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I am so goddamn dumb im a fucking home im so paranoid and feel so fucking awful

Please god help me. Please just let me fucking die. I pray for my death every single night and nobody answers me. I don’t know what to do. I am not a person to anyone anymore. I’ve faded out of relevancy. I’m not important to people I care about anymore. I don’t feel loved, or appreciated, or cared for, or anything. I’m just human fucking garbage. I’m such an awful person and I would literally pay someone if they could kill me. I’m losing my mind. I’d save up so much money for someone to kill me. I would let someone kill me for free in any way they’d like just as long as I died. I just want to die. I don’t know why the universe keeps me alive because I don’t fucking belong here. I just want to fucking die. Nothing or nobody is worth living for anymore

I just want you back I know I can’t have it and in reality I know it would be terrible to have you back. In reality I don’t even fucking want you back. But im spiraling and im so lost without you. I dont know what to do. I feel I still love you. I dont know what to fucking do. I just dont want to live anymore. I just want to fucking die. I hate you but god I would do anything for you in my life again. I just wish we could reverse time. I wish this didn’t happen. I wish j wasn’t alive

I just want to kill myself . I feel like the most weakest most worthless most vulnerable little kid in the entire world. I feel like a helpless child. I feel so worthless. Please just kill me

I can’t stop asking why without expecting to have answers but I reminded over and over there is only one answer

Everyone is watching and reading but not helping I could set myself in fire and people would love it I just want to fucking did I CANT fucking do this I repent I fucking repent I repent I don’t know what to do I’m scared just can’t take this shit anymore I just need to get the fuck out of here please help somebody help please just can’t somebody help me please I can’t I’m sorry I am sorry

I just feel so embarrassed about everything. I don’t know what to do. I hate when people give me this attention because it just makes me feel so helpless. But yet it’s something I complain about. I don’t fuckin know what I want. I don’t know what I want to choose, or what I want to happen, or anything. All I am is fucking confused and chaotic. I am struggling so fucking hard right now and I feel nothing but guilt and shame. I have no other outlet. I’m not trying to get people to feel awful for me or terrible or anything. I want to be left alone yet I want people to hear me and realize that I am fucking struggling man

I just want to go ghost. I want to leave everything behind and just be by myself for the rest of my life. Yet I can’t even fucking do that. I can’t do it. I need someone it seems. It seems i struggle with being by myself. Everything is just so fucking hard. I don’t know what I am going to do. I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of consistently going through these intense cycles of emotion. I’m tired of having breakdowns every month. I’m fucking sick of living this way but it just feels like there’s nothing I can do besides give up hope

I’m so fucking sad man why do I have to be like this I can’t take it

I will encourage people to bully me into suicide I don’t want people to feel bad I want everyone to be happy that such a scum on earth cannot hurt anyone anymore or annoy anybody or burden them with things that are not important and extremely insecure and self deprecating