Final Frontier

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

some people are born with tornadoes in their lives,

but constellations in their eyes.

Padme “no concept of my own mortality” Amidala teaming up with Anakin “no impulse control” Skywalker to catch her own assassin. There’s no way this can go wrong

Bruce’s fave pastime is seeing Hal make a fool of himself. Clark is not behind it

the dubious philosophy of salmon

REBLOG IF YOU LOVE DOGS

9 million people fucking love dogs

emerge anew

Yea I like truth serum Bruce Wayne but what I really want is truth serum Bruce Wayne that makes him say the first thing he thinks. No filter. Meaning he’s either just roasting the hell out of himself the whole time or being genuine

Bruce: [sips his too hot coffee] “try waiting a minute you fucking moron”

Bruce: [nearly drops phone] “almost ten years of ninja training and you can’t even tell”

Bruce: [eating his breakfast]

Tim: “hey Bruce, still having side effects?”

Bruce: [looks up] “they’re only side effects if I squint, otherwises I just seem sarcastic and cynical”

Dick: [takes a selfie with Bruce] “what do you think?”

Bruce: “we look like shit”

Dick: “yea, we do look like shit” [deletes photo]

Bruce: [steps in water wearing socks] “I hate being alive, it’s not worth it anymore if this is the trial I have to face”

Alfred: “just take off your socks”

Bruce: “I’ll take you off my will”

Damian: “I wished you leave me alone”

Bruce: “and I wish I knew how to communicate with you properly”

Damian: “yea, because I’m so difficult”

Bruce: “because I love you and I want to be the father you deserve”

Jason: “I fucking hate you!”

Bruce: “same. Wanna make a club?”

Jason: “… wait can we?”

Bruce: “see Jason’s got more self control than me, because if I killed somebody then I’d just kill everybody. Equality, am I right?”

Bruce: “god, I’d wish you’d kids stop stressing me out”

Tim: “well sorry we can’t be perfect”

Bruce: “who said you aren’t perfect? I love all of you so much I feel like I can’t breath sometimes”

Clark: [wearing a new dress shirt]

Bruce: “you could get it”

Clark: “what?”

Bruce: “I said what I said”

moments before the end of the world

-A love song to Anakin Skywalkers flaws-

Did you know that humans are 99% empty space? He was not. The universe filled him up until he could hold no more and then told him to let it out until planets crumbled to his rule and people fell to their knees begging for mercy. His mother taught him to be kind and look down when they speak to you and never ever talk back. Don’t say no and you might survive, and if they want you to leave do so, but never keep yourself in the dark.

Find a way to leave if you can, if you can’t find a way to make sure you’re irreplaceable to those who feed you and clothe you. Ensure your worth and always keep the profit up. His momma had pearlescent eyes and his dad didn’t exist. His presence set alarms off to anyone who would dare listen to the warnings. Such a pity none did. He rescued thousands in his spare time, ensuring none would need to do what he did in order to survive. He dreamt of planets dying and stars going supernova until the images were imprinted onto the backs of his eyelids and his eyes glowed with their dying vicious light.

Blot the blood from his wounds and mould himself to their expectations, just to keep living. His precious hope of freedom, a flighty thing that came and went with the stiff emotions of those around him. Sickly children screamed in the edges of his vision and when he turned to help they were gone. Blundering his way through life he sought help until the one he trusted most was a woman with the makings of a queen, stuck in the body of a child. Bonds forged by steel and grit-- never meant to break, but all good things must come to an end. So when the monster came, he broke and she fell with him. Never his intention but always doomed to happen.

|How do you keep someone from falling when the ground was never stable to begin with? The trick is that you don’t. You fall with them, and then at least you won’t worry for their survival. You’ll either know, or you’ll be dead.|

His thoughts were an unsung melody of heartbreak and survival. He ran faster and faster away from the grasping, reaching hands of the darkness and still couldn’t run fast enough. Why does the universe punish those who wish to help, it is a fickle being, forcing those with too-big hearts and too-soft souls to love and love and love and love until they could help no more and then drown them in its terrifyingly harsh waters. Cold water and higher tides make not a good world to live in, but the world never claimed to be good or kind. Only eternally damning. Songs of the dead hummed in his ears until he was deaf and the sun blinded him until the only faults he could see weren't his own, only others.

The monsters that lurked in the dark saw this, and cried out in glee. This is what they wanted, why wouldn’t they? He could bring trillions to their knees with only a snap of his fingers, and there was no greater prize to them than this.