Dreamsp023 - Dreams

Action Painter, 2011-2014

Kahn + Selesnick                                    

One of the things that changed for me in my 10+ years fandom break is my view of Severus Snape. A decade ago, 20 didn't seem so young as it seems now. Who I was at 20 is nowhere close to who I was at 38.

Severus started spying at 20. It's possible that the man we see in canon is similar to the man he would be when finally free to be himself, but this time around, I can't help but wonder how much of what we see of Severus Snape is a carefully constructed lie.

I took so much as true the first time around, and this time I'm questioning all of it. Maybe he hates the Malfoys. Maybe he hates Potions. Maybe Professor Snape is just a role for him, a living performance, and he'd act totally different once Voldemort was defeated.

I can see also him, after playing a role nearly half of his life, struggling to figure out who he is and what he wants.

I feel like every couple years I reevaluate whether I could return to running trans Snape week. I kind of can’t believe that was 5-10 years ago now. I was a whole-ass teenager at the beginning and boy did it show lol.

So much of fandom has changed and rearranged itself since then. Most of the blogs that created trans Snape works back then are defunct now. It makes sense: those who are most inclined to create trans-focused works are also the most likely to be hurt by *gestures to the entirety of the JKR-inclusive transphobic genocide machine*. Lots of folks wanted nothing more than to get away.

But honestly, it’s how the fandom/internet behaved in the wake of it all that burned me the most. Staying in fandom at all, even (maybe especially) for the sake of creating intentionally trans fanworks, was seen as a moral betrayal that deserved any punishment the internet could deal out. The death threats and suicide bait were frequently—and ironically—indistinguishable from the hate from anti-trans JKR-defenders. I’m not ready to risk all that again.

Especially as the new HBO show comes to pass, I am steeling myself to see it all the old discourse reemerge. Needless to say I won’t be interacting with any of the new canonical works. Anything that gives JKR money or a larger platform is verboten in my own personal books. In the words of that Fred Rogers meme going around, often appended to posts about AI, “your own imagination is far more wonderful.”

But that’s always been the central tension for me: I’ll always stay here in my tiny corner of fandom. I love it here. Small though it is, it means the world to me. Chronically online teenagers (which is, I think, who they typically are) have an outsized view of the impact small fanworks have on the larger political/media zeitgeist. The idea that making trans Snape fanworks for 0-10 notes on tumblr in any way supports JKR is frankly ridiculous. So I have no qualms on that score.

But I think… I am still very much burned by all that happened here 5 years ago. How quickly fandom at large abandoned trans creators (hi hello lol) who wanted to remain in community.

Somehow, staying in fandom but avoiding making trans content ended up being the deeply, deeply ironic “solution.” I’m still not sure how this happened, but boy did it ever. Just what Dr. JKR ordered.

As soon as I realized that the ballet!AU was destined to become a trans!snape fic, I abandoned it. But I still want to work on it and put more of it into this (very very tiny) tumblrworld. The truth is, I miss the freedom and joy with which we spoke and wrote about trans Snape back then. I miss it so much. It taught me that I was okay. My little slice of heaven.

There’s more to say but some of it I’m keeping to myself.

The world has changed and the fandom has changed and I have very much changed, but I haven’t ever shifted the grief (resentment? lack of courage?) I feel around this. So I rewrite essentially this same post every couple of years.

Maybe I'm in my own echo chamber but I'm so glad more people are starting to realise how annoying and absolutely hateful the marauders fandom is and how much damage ATYD did for it AND the Harry Potter fandom in general. When did this fandom turn into a Wolfstar and Jegulus digital shrine? So many interesting characters and stories and opportunities to explore and you choose to regurgitate what a random fic incorrectly tagged as canon complaint says?

I'm not even joking, it has gotten to the point where literal adults with fully functioning brains lack the comprehension abilities to form their own opinions about characters.

I'm not saying that people arent allowed to enjoy non canon compliant work because they absolutely are and I encourage it because that's the whole point of a fandom and fanfics in general but it also goes the other way around when fans start raging at you because you tell them to engage with something outside of ATYD for once and to explore characters beyond somebody else's scope.

It's annoying when you arent allowed to have fun or post a character without somebody bashing you for liking them and redirecting their hatred for a character AT YOU.

For example, ATYD paints Snape as a rich, stuck-up pureblooded fascist creep who deserved to get bullied when its actually the exact opposite and everybody goes along with it.

ITS BORING AND REPETITIVE. It takes away so much fun from a fandom.

Pls ppl. I am begging you to open your minds up a bit and think for yourself instead of regurgitating some rando's opinion in order to fit in.

Also, what's up with critiquing everybody and their mother for not agreeing with your boring ass ship??

ok . Snapedom, I have a question. Wake up

In the chapter 33 of DH We have The Prince’s Tale where there are some memories that Snape passes on to Harry in order to help him: 1) to inform him what to do & 2) convince him that it is not fake news. Snape’s genuine about being at the order side n “yeah…Harry, you truly have to die”. BUT I notice the some memories were passed sorely at Snape’s will. Like that one where it’s said: “delighted to find himself famous, attention-seeking n impertinent”. Like for me with this memory he’s saying….“I was wrong about you”. But there’s ONE memory that I don’t know what the fuck it is about. That one that takes place at Grimauld’s Place. Im clueless 1) why was he there? 2) was it him that created that mess or Mundungus Fletcher? 3) If 2 was him why didn’t he put the things in order before leave? 4) that memory was so intimist. Where’s the purpose to show this to Harry? 5) why take that specific piece of letter? it was for himself or to keep Dumbledore’s secret? why take that piece of photography? 6) and much more. As I said I’m clueless over what that moment was all about.

avelarplosive ~ w + e progress shots

Audio ~ Kori Devereaux

Ethel Cain ~ Dust Bowl (instrumental cover)

daisies (1966) 🎀

I’m not a big fan of Dali's paintings, but the way this man writes and his sketches are much better than his paintings for far. I absolutely love it. I have his tarot and it is a mix between a compilation of his sketches with collages. As a tarot reader, I love doing tarot readings with his cards, inspire me a lot.

Salvador Dalí Snake charmer 1966

“Peter Pettigrew awoke one morning from uneasy dreams to find himself transformed in his bed into a little rat.”

Sirius and Peter make me believe in karma. The dog and the rat suit them so well. I still don’t understand the connection between James and a stag, but Peter as a rat? Absolutely and the dog fits Sirius perfectly too.

I may not be Hindu, but sometimes it’s hard not to believe that a fly could be the reincarnation of an annoying person who wasted their life nervously wandering around. After flying so many times, maybe its few neurons align with the life of a fly. And doesn’t that remind you of Peter?

I don’t hate him , I actually find him an interesting character , but honestly, the way his Animagus form reflects his personality deserves an essay.