I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell
I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you.
So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.”
So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened.
So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.
Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.
Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?”
They will break all the same
When will you return to the Forest
When all factories are rubble
im going to lose my mind why is he doing the fucking pose
update:
you are not letting go of the spoon oh god oh fuck
@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses i accidentally made you out of expired food.
Portals to Hell by hrmphfft
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.infinitycow.eplay
I don’t know how pickup lines work but I know they don’t work like this… though I am flustered by your offer at such a noise making app, boy are my cheeks red, my golly gee wilikers you’re really getting me going now
you know what, I’m not done posting about baby bats!!!
here is a fact for you: rescued baby bats are regularly given little blankets and swaddled up like itty bitty bat burritos! this is a whole Thing
Oh, and sometimes they get tiny pillows!
And they get fed out of teensy baby bottles!
They are even given mini bat pacifiers to nurse on 💕
in conclusion, here is a baby bat yawning:
On top of the Yankees field cat there was a praying mantis on top of the nationals players hat tonight. Huge night in baseball