I Love Finding Poetry In The Mundane, And Yesterday I Stumbled Upon Something That Just Hits That Spot

FLAPPER FANNY SAYS, by American cartoonist, Ethel Hays (1892-1989).

Weak Hero Barbenheimer

gray yeon: watched oppenheimer first and thought it was mid. watched barbie next bc big ben forced him to and liked it.

big ben: was the most enthusiastic in rounding everybody up to watch barbie. watched it once with all his friends and then alone again at the theatres. bet he dressed up in pink too.

alex: oppenheimer, only watched barbie because ben made him.

eugene: oppenheimer and barbie but he would've watched both regardless of big ben

teddy: barbie, but he felt too embarrassed to watch it on his own so he used big ben as an excuse

gerard: barbie all the way

rowan: the most enthusiastic barbie watcher asides from ben

lily: barbie

julia: oppenheimer, then barbie with lily

lala lee: watched oppenheimer, then felt insecure and watched barbie

jimmy bae: oppenheimer at the theatres, barbie in private

jack kang: oppenheimer because jimmy made him, barbie at the theatres

forrest lee: felt insecure but watched barbie in theatres, beat up anybody who commented on it

grape and robin: were embarrassed but followed their leader to barbie, watched oppenheimer later on

wolf keum: oppenheimer once then barbie another three times

kingsley kwan: oppenheimer

donald na: was more inclined towards oppenheimer, but then he watched barbie just to see what the hype was about, and started contributing to the deep and profound analyses of the film's message on social media

Chain of Command Chapter 6

The elevator ride down was dead quiet. Forrest and Robin walked silently, faces turned towards the ground. She suspected that the two were embarrassed by the ordeal on the rooftop.

Standing at the doorway of the building was Grape, the pile of cigarette butts at his feet having doubled since she last saw him. She’d bumped into him on her way up to the rooftop, and she didn’t need to look at the ground to tell that he’d been stress smoking. The boy reeked of smoke. 

She’d regarded him with a click of her tongue and a small look of sympathy before rushing upstairs– she supposed hearing the words ‘Wolf Keum’ alone were already enough to give him a panic attack. Poor baby. 

“What did that fucker say?” Grape cut through the thick silence, returning to his position behind Forrest as he shoved his hands into his pockets, the expression on his face making it obvious that he only expected the worst. Not that she blamed him.

“The money and files got stolen.” Forrest informed him, and Grape nodded soundlessly. Had it been someone else he might’ve made a derisive joke, but he seemed to be worried that if he even opened his mouth, Wolf Keum would swoop down like an eagle and swallow him whole. Maybe he just didn’t want to take the risk.

The four of them continued to walk quietly, before Forrest Lee spoke again. Perhaps he’d wanted to break the silence, or perhaps he’d just been waiting till they were a safe distance away from Ganghak to talk. 

“So you’ll be working with that bastard from now on, huh Bambi?” Forrest glanced to the side to look at her, and she studied his face. He looked grim, though she thought she could spot a hint of relief too. He was probably just glad he didn’t have to face the Big Bad Wolf alone anymore.

“Yeah.” She slowed down as the quartet reached a bus stop, and the three boys stopped with her. Her bus was already there, slowing down as it reached the stop. “I’m gonna go now. Bye.” 

She barely heard the perfect sync of goodbyes from the boys as she turned around, long brown hair swishing behind her, and stepped onto the vehicle.

~

It’d been about an hour since this meeting had started, and Bambi was starting to get restless. The last sixty minutes, she’d been standing behind Donald’s armchair,  watching as he talked to the new client sitting across from them. 

The new business partner was another wrinkly man in his sixties with a failing business, desperate for Donald’s help. The news of KHG’s big break had spread through the grapevine, and now businessmen were swarming around Donald like he was the second coming of Christ. Because of that, they’d seen a pretty large increase in their commissions. What a blessed new year.

The old man seemed to be wrapping the meeting up now, sticking his hand out to Donald, both anxiety and excitement displayed on his face at the idea of all the money he was about to make. 

She didn’t pay further attention to any of the other words exchanged between the two, turning her focus instead to the clock on the wall (9pm) and both her mental and physical exhaustion. Thank God it’s finally over. Kingsley, who had stood by her side until now, followed the man on his way out to guide him downstairs, leaving Donald and Bambi alone behind him.

The room fell silent after the door snapped shut.

Bambi tapped her foot nervously.

Usually she preferred silence, but with Donald the quiet always felt suffocating. Like even breathing would make an avalanche of noise. Like there were a thousand thoughts running through his head at once, and she was missing out on every single one of them.

Donald didn’t seem to be bothered by the lack of noise though, standing up and making his way to the other side of the office wordlessly. Bambi leaned back to rest her body weight on the chair, watching as he stood in front of the large window, his hands clasped behind his back. 

Perhaps to a bystander, it may have seemed like he was admiring the view. But she didn’t need to look to know that he was watching her in the reflection, his red eyes trained on her like a hawk. Staying as still as possible under Donald’s gaze proved to be a challenge, and she found herself fiddling with her fingers anxiously as she forced herself to meet his gaze in the glass.

She felt like he knew that he was torturing her with his silence– like he enjoyed her attention, enjoyed watching her hang on to his every movement, waiting for more.

After all, all she wanted was to know him better.

Ever since she first joined the Union, she’d felt an unexplainable magnetic pull towards Donald Na. It was as if he were the sun, and she was just a small insignificant dwarf planet rotating around him. 

He had charisma, and what seemed like infinite confidence capable of making even her nervous. From the moment she’d first set eyes on him, she’d made it her lifelong goal to unravel the mystery of who Donald Na really was.

Plus, Donald was nice, which made it easier. Not nice in the way where he’d hold open doors for you or smile at you in the street, but where he’d make small talk and pretend to care about your personal life. Not that she was stupid enough to actually mistake this for friendship– he did this with everybody, even the executives he beat up. Just another thing that came built in with his alluring personality– but it opened up a door for her to actually know him. The person past the intimidating stare and massive displays of wealth that she now realised looked a lot like a form of protection.

She relished in the attention that he gave her, though admitting it made her feel somewhat embarrassed. It was like she’d deciphered a puzzle no one else could solve, except she was really only halfway to the answer– even after all the time they’d spent together, it still felt like she’d barely scraped the surface of who Donald Na really was. Well, she wasn’t gonna stop now.

No matter how much it went against her better judgement.

“It’s late. You should go home.” Donald had finally looked away from her, his attention turned to the streets below, and she felt a pang of jealousy. The tone he’d used was casual enough, but she knew the statement was more than a simple formality.

So, instead of saying her goodbyes, she walked towards his desk slowly, almost defiantly, fighting the urge to smile as his eyes finally left the window and followed her across the room till she was right behind him. 

Dragging out the silence, she spoke slowly. “What about you?”

Donald turned slightly at her question, and his red eyes glinted, as if he was amused by her deliberate slowed pace. Often, she went so quick everybody around her found it hard to keep up. But when it came to Donald, it felt like she had to go slow, or she’d miss out something essential and never catch up. She knew he knew it too.

She stopped herself from huffing. Not her fault being around him felt like walking in a minefield. He let out a small breath of air, deadpan expression melting into a smirk. She wanted to ask him what he thought was so funny.

“I have work to do.” 

Both pairs of eyes flicked down to the stack of files on his desk, and Bambi nodded in understanding. It wasn’t rare to see Donald working late into the night, a small frown on his face as he read through reports and legal documents, and who knows what else. Sometimes he fell asleep at his desk, head resting on his arms, a rare moment of vulnerability for someone as vicious as Donald Na.

“Would you like tea? Or coffee?” Bambi was already turning towards the door, though her eyes stayed fixed on him.

Donald smiled, tapping on his desk.

“Coffee will do.”

LIKEEEE

(spoilers under the cut)

to explain the context of this song (would've could've should've from midnights) taylor is talking about how if she never met the man who groomed her at a young age, she never would've experienced many things that resulted in her losing her innocence so quickly.

obvi this situation isn't super specific to donald, but i think you get how it speaks to how if his whole...childhood situation didn't happen he'd never have sold his soul with the union. he'd have grown into a sweet and kind boy who loves chocolate and is the top of his class and is en route to becoming a future nasa engineer, but now he's the boss of a criminal empire and is committing real estate fraud. he runs from his memories now that he's older, from the feeling of being weak and pitiful, being bullied in school and beat up by his stepdad at home with his new persona.

he's too terrified to confront the past and hides from it under the illusion of strength, but simultaneously he holds it close as a reminder of what might become of him if he doesn't keep striving, keep working till he dominates anything and everything.

the way taylor sings the bridge is so full of ??desperation?? the chorus is fast-paced, with a tone of regret and anguish that creates anticipation for the bridge. which taylor delivers, by the way, bc if the tone of the chorus is one of despair and haunting memories, the bridge practically blares it in your face!!

'God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be' carries resignation and hopelessness, and it reminds me of how donald transformed himself completely into someone he hated. he covered himself head to toe in tattoos even though they disgusted him, pierced every available inch of skin on his ears and his face (thank Razen he didnt get a nose piercing though🙏🙏THAT WAS NEVER THE MOVE) and bought those expensive but scary ass clothes just so he could pull off his 'intimidating' image. he invested so much time and so much money...for what?

i read on Genius.com that 'the tomb won't close' means taylor can't find peace with her situation despite trying. similarly, donald has never stopped hurting because of his past, yet he doesn't confront it. he runs from the pain in an attempt to escape without realising he's just running in circles.

verse three has GOT to be my favourite part in the song. you can really feel the frustration delivered by the last two lines of the song as the pitch and speed increases (soz hope im not wrong in saying this). it reminds me of how donald initially felt ashamed of the helplessness displayed in his childhood and adamant that he never experience it again, versus donald right before his death, finally looking back on his younger self with love and protectiveness.

it also holds the feeling that you get when you feel as if something has been taken from you. donald feels the unfairness of his childhood and innocence being robbed from him at such an early age. he mourns the injustice that his younger self was treated with, and my personal interpretation is that he wishes he could change it. it's normal when you feel like something was stolen from you...which in his case, it most definitely was.

donald is also SUCH a mirrorball girly. yes, he's always been a natural at everything (he's strong, he's smart, and he's sexy. what CAN'T he do?) but he's done nothing but try all his life. he had to work so hard from such an early age, and he could never stop to take a break, because if he stops, he dies. his mom is dead. his stepdad has left him. he's a newly orphaned 13 year old with no money and no school. if he doesn't look after himself, he passes away on the streets.

he never wanted to do crime. even in the union, he wanted to gravitate more towards the business parts of his job. he never got to experience a life where he got to do what he wanted rather than have to fight for survival all the time. he never got the option to learn that he doesnt have to live the rest of his life punished for his poverty and broken home.

because yk, there wasn't a 'rest of his life'.

the archer is another song. don't think i have to explain how the first couple of lyrics express the loneliness he felt in his journey to the top, but ARGHHHH!! the lines 'i cut off my nose just to spite my face, then hate my reflection for years and years...' it's so him, covering his whole body with tatts knowing he'll feel repulsed everytime he looks in the mirror.

the rest of the verse imo, embody the panic and trauma he must've felt with his circumstances that he probably subdued while he was alive.

i bet on losing dogs and class of 2013 by mitski are also honorable mentions

so kudos to taylor for being able to write music that panders not just to academically burnt out eldest daughters but also seventeen year old mafia bosses created by (assumably) generational poverty and a screwed up system

@weakhero-diaries

do you guys get it if i say donald na is taylor swift coded

♥

I had very mixed feelings about the advent of pre-order rewards, because I felt like it was just another thing that authors have to do that takes away from actual writing time. But actually now I think all authors should make pre-order rewards that are smutty non-canonical fanfic of their own work thank you very much

At times, Reading He Who Drowned the World felt like I was the one being flayed and steamed alive, being cut into a thousand little pieces by a knife. The mental and physical agony the characters go through is so painful it feels even excessive at times. But even when the most horrible things were happening and I was almost losing hope towards the end, I couldn’t even be mad because I could feel what the author was trying to tell me with all this pain and suffering, and I can buy that message 100 %.

Through these deeply painful scenes, the story shows how strict gender roles, toxic masculinity, misogyny and homophobia hurt and restrict us, and how lethal they can be.

Major spoilers after this

I was especially gutted by Ouyang’s death, but I feel like his storyline drove the themes of the story home in a very pronounced way. In the end, Ouyang was killed by the harmful ideas about masculinity and manhood that had been ingrained in him all his life.

His tragedy was never about having to avenge his family, but rather being so entrenched in the toxic culture of pride and revenge and masculinity that he would rather kill the one he loved and retain his ”honor” than put the idea of honor aside and love and be loved in return.

These toxic ideas are also the reason that stops him from forming real solidarity with Zhu. Even though they are both very similar, living as men while their bodies are not viewed as a man’s by the society, Ouyang cannot accept Zhu as an equal because he’s learned to project his self-hatred into hating everything even remotely feminine and female. It’s very upsetting to see how he loses his chance at healing and changing as a person by Zhu’s side, but I think that’s the whole point. This is a book series about broken people and how people who have been hurt sometimes only learn to hurt others, and how patriarchy and other harmful structures pit women, queer and trans ppl and basically anyone against each other. This theme is visible in almost all the pov characters of the story.

Madam Zhang is incapable of letting go of the ideas about what men and women can or cannot do, which leads to her not being able to accept Zhu as an ally and subsequently her own death.

Baoxiang has been equally hurt by narrow views of masculinity and manhood, and been scorned and rejected for his femininity all his life. His pain becomes so all-consuming that he is almost suffocated by his need to revenge the society that has wronged him. In the end, he is only able to survive because he can cast things like pride or shame aside in order to start anew.

In contrast, Zhu is able to not only survive but even thrive in some way bc she doesn’t really care about those roles. Even if she is not a woman, she never rejects or undervalues femininity and is able to use it to her own advantage when needed. She also knows that pride and honor cannot comfort you when you’re dead and she would rather live, and I think this extends to a more metaphoric level too. What’s the point of becoming ”successful” or hanging on to the idea of what a ”real man” should be like, if it only leads to you being dead inside?

Obviously, letting go of these harmful and hurtful ideas and structures can not be a individual effort, but something that needs to be addressed on a more systemic level. That’s why Zhu has to get on that throne herself in order to change the world. And it feels very meaningful that at the end, when she ascends on the throne, she’s wearing a maid’s skirts, owing her win to both the feminine and masculine sides of her.

For me, at least, the very final chapter of the book managed to justify all the awful things that happened. With mercy and grace, Zhu (and Ma!) demonstrate that to make it all worth the pain and suffering, you have to stop hurting and killing others and break free from that cycle of toxicity that their world has been built upon until now.

(Also as a disclaimer, I generally prefer to read about healing and letting go of pain and generally don’t think pain and suffering make things more deep or worthy… but I also think that this book managed to use these elements in a very meaningful way.)

god i love fallible characters, but specifically zuko in the catacombs. choosing his sister over his uncle just to get to sleep in his childhood bed again. earning katara's kindness and empathy and stripping it all away in minutes because he ached for the familiar. fighting on the wrong side of history just to see his father smile with pride. knowing he could have done the right thing, but what is being good when you could be terrible but loved.

The Burning Maze is my favorite TOA book and it brings me so much pain… so much pain… but I LOVE IT!!!!

I love that Grover is in it! (He is one of my favorite characters from the series) and Meg dealing with going back to her childhood home! The Arrow of Dodona was, as always, a fantastic character.

It was nice to see Piper and Jason again and that, even though they broke up, they still deeply cared for each other. Caligula was such a good antagonist and Medea was also so good, especially with Piper taking revenge and killing Medea.

Crest was such a fun character and his death is kind of traumatizing, like, Apollo is trapped, in literal pain and forgetting himself as Grover and Meg were dangled over Helios’s essence and Crest kept distracting Medea even as he was stabbed by her like… that’s SO FUCKING DARK!!

I love how it ended with Apollo vowing to keep Jason’s promise to remember to be human.

Other miscellaneous things that I enjoyed was also:

Apollo’s dreams that involved Caligula, like the one in which he ordered a guard to kill Tiberius and the one in which he basically pretended to be the Sun God.

I also liked Caligula’s motives in that Apollo was VERY valuable to him alive, but rather than being like Commodus, who wanted to kill him so that he can rename Indianapolis to Commodianapolis, he wanted to take Apollo’s remaining essence and combine it with Helios’s to become the new Sun God (not to say that I didn’t like Commodus’s motives, it’s just that Caligula is very interesting in that he wanted to become the Sun God)

Honestly Caligula as a whole was such a good character. He has such an intimidating presence throughout the book, and I loved it when he finally got to see Apollo he kind of gushed over him, being excited to finally have him in his clutches, and I love how after Apollo stabbed himself he was all ‘I won’t touch a sorceress’s purse’ and how he was so upset that Piper was knocked unconscious. Honestly if there ever is a TOA show they gotta cast the Emperors right because all the Emperors are horrible yet interesting in their own merit.

I love the conversation that Jason and Apollo had before they left his dorm. I love how Jason tells Apollo that he tried to defend him to Zeus and that Apollo was shocked. I love how Jason made him promise to remember his experience being human and how, even to the last book, Apollo is still thinking about the promise he made.

I love how Meg is just able to show Apollo her memories?? How the fuck did she learn to do that??!! Also the fact that it’s never addressed how she can do this.

Speaking of Meg, I love how revenge obsessed she is, like she was full on ready to murder Caligula and how at the end acknowledges that she was taking her anger for Nero out on Caligula instead (not to say Caligula doesn’t deserve it, but moreso that she realizes that instead of confronting her feelings for Nero, she pushed those feeling into killing Caligula) and I love how Meg is such a strong character, having to deal with going back to her childhood home and having to revisit those old, painful memories of a happier time in her life that was taken away from her, and how, in the final book, she confronts Nero and finally stands up for herself and as she says ‘defeats the Beast’. I just love Meg’s arc.

I love Apollo’s self sacrifice. He has always been a somewhat selfless character, willing to save others over him, but this truly defined his character, how he was willing to do anything to save his friends, and how he most likely would have succeeded had it not been the Arrow of Dodona. I also love how Meg calls him a hero and how his perspective of what defines a hero is being changed.

I love how Wah Wah has SUCH a hatred of Tip Toe Through The Tulips by Tiny Tim that he would rather tell Apollo and Piper where the shoes are than to bear through the music.

I also love how, to me, the kind of dark comedy of Caligula taking your very words LITERALLY!! It’s almost comical how a character vows something only for them to realize ‘oh shit’ as Caligula gleefully fulfills on that promise (like when Wah Wah would give his heart to Caligula or how he ordered for a poets tongue to be cut out and dipped in silver so that they could see his ‘silver tongue’) it’s just… Caligula is SUCH a good character!

I love how Aloe Vera is constantly fretting over anyone who has any injuries. I just like how Apollo wakes up sometimes covered in Aloe Vera’s healing slime.

I love the entire Macro’s Military Madness section. I love as Macro was talking about taking Apollo and killing the satyrs that Coach Hedge was struggling to open a pack of grenades. I love how Apollo landed in another dumpster again and how he peed himself and got himself some pink camo pants.

I love Coach Hedge, he’s such a funny character, especially when he was ready to fight the Automatons in Macro’s Military Madness and had to basically be dragged away.

The entire section of Apollo in molten chains as Medea tries to kill him is such an intense moment. It is such a dark scene, especially as Apollo is loosing himself, loosing his memories and how he is in pain and his skin is being described as being cracked open?! It’s such an intense scene and is one of my favorite moments in the book and one of my favorite moments in all of the Riordan-verse books.

I love the Meliai and how they say ‘HAIL TO THE MEG’ I just love how badass they are. I also love how after they kill Incitatus everyone is just staring at the Meliai with shock and horror.

There are so many other amazing scenes in the book! Honestly it’s one of my favorite books of all time. Honestly the TOA series is so good! I do admit that Apollo is sometimes annoying with how arrogant he is, but his character development is so good! I adore these books so much, so if anyone can recommend me any good fics PLEASE DO!!!

whatever the joker's gone through i've been through worse