I Had Very Mixed Feelings About The Advent Of Pre-order Rewards, Because I Felt Like It Was Just Another

Juneteenth is coming up so please help a black queer person get some groceries. I only have $0.87 to my name right now and no food in my fridge!! Please help me!!!

Please boost this post and any donations would be appreciated!!!

💰: $emiddlebrooks

Pay🤞🏾: paypal.me/emiddle37

When i finally finish my grief purgatory time loop fuckery nightmare comic its over for everybody. Until then MORE WIPS

The most idiotic thing about this whole genocide is the idea that once Hamas is gone there won't be anymore resistance attacks against the settler state. You've murdered 25000+ innocent Palestinian lives and left thousands of children as orphans. Do you think the Palestinians will move on after all of this, knowing that you've traumatized them far beyond our comprehension?

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm hiiiiii turned a vaguely homoerotic poem i made about a mosquito i didn't want to kill into. this. yay 👍

It's about how Mello is a martyr doused in Catholic imagery and about how Near believes in no God, but he believes in Mello. It's about how Near's flimsy spirituality is a Tarot spread and Mello's unspoken faith is sacrificing yourself to save another; a sacrifice he couldn't not make because Mello is meant to be a martyr. It's about Near who had no faith being haunted by the ghost of his own creation that he couldn't not create; because Near is meant to be the haunted.

[Image ID:

A picture that says “A student once asked anthropologist Margaret Mead, “What is the earliest sign of civilization? The student expected her to say a clay pot, a grinding stone, or maybe a weapon. 

Margaret Mead thought for a moment, then she said, “A healed femur.”

The second picture is a news headline. It is bolded and a much larger font. “27-year-old who couldn’t afford $1,200 insulin copay dies after trying cheaper version.”

The third picture is the same font and size as the Margaret Mead quote. It’s a continuation. It says, “A femur is the longest bone in the body, linking hip to knee. In societies without the benefits of modern medicine, it takes about six weeks of rest for a fractured femur to heal. A healed femur shows that someone cared for the injured person, did their hunting and gathering, stayed with them, and offered physical protection and human companionship until the injury could mend.” 

The fourth picture is another headline. It is in a large and bolded type. “Dying man who couldn’t afford to go to hospital after vomiting blood"

The fifth picture is a screenshot of the Margaret Mead story.

Mead explained that where the law of the jungle—the survival of the fittest—rules, no healed femurs are found. The first sign of civilization is compassion, seen in a healed femur. 

The next screenshot is of a slightly different font. The letters are pointier and the lines are a little curvier. It says, “Susan Finley returned to her job at a Walmart retail store in Grand Junction Colorado, after having to call in sick because she was recovering from pneumonia.

The day after she returned, the fifty three  year old received her ten year associate award — and was simultaneously laid off, according to her family. She had taken off one day beyond what is permitted by Walmart’s attendance policy.

After losing her job in May 2016, Finley also lost her health insurance coverage and struggled to find a new job. Three months later, Finley was found dead in her apartment after avoiding going to see a doctor for flu-like symptoms. 

A screenshot of a bold, bigger headline. It says ‘The house always wins’: Insurers’ record profits.

A final screenshot of smaller text with a slightly gray background. It says “We are at our best when we serve others. Be civilized.” /end ID.] 

this was amazing

I think a lot about The Bathroom Scene™ and how Kaz's selfless actions towards Inej are contrasted with their discussion about whether he's any different from Pekka, but Chapter 26 as a whole also does a lot to show how much Kaz cares about all of his Crows and not just Inej. He spends a lot of time in that chapter thinking about how he's probably about to die, and yet he does everything in his power to make sure his Crows get out alive.

He specifically zeroes on Inej's safety, of course (because when isn't Kaz focused on her?) but his actions, dialogue, and internal monologue are all entirely centered around how guilty he feels for getting everyone into this mess and how desperate he is to make sure he's the only collateral damage of his own scheme at the end of the day:

Kaz sits down and (more or less) fully explains his entire plan to the Crows instead of keeping them in the dark

Kaz gives Jesper's dad the only protection he's still able to give: his own family's name and reputation

Kaz ruminates on why he called Jesper by his brother's name and implicitly acknowledges that it's because he's scared to recognize Jordie in Jesper (that he's afraid to lose another brother)

Kaz thinks "But they’d landed in a trap, and if he had to chew his paw off to get them out of it, then that was what he would do."

Kaz pays off Inej's contract by liquidating "every asset he had" and explicitly tells her "I don't want you to be beholden to Per Haskell. Or me."

Kaz tells Inej about his emergency money stash and charges her with getting everyone out of the city safely if he doesn't come back from the Slat

Kaz tells her "Whatever happens to me, survive this city. Get your ship, have your vengeance, carve your name into their bones. But survive this mess I’ve gotten us into."

Kaz leaves on a suicide mission, telling Inej not to follow, because if he's going to die he wants to be the only one in active danger

And of course Kaz had already offered to serve himself up on a silver platter to the stadwatch and give them a way out even before he came up with the auction plan (though we don't get Kaz's point of view of The Clocktower Fight, I suspect it's also why he picked that fight with Jesper: he knew Jesper would never leave him to die unless he made him mad enough to "walk away" for once in his life).

What separates Kaz from other Barrel Bosses like Pekka isn't just that he would never sell a person or con/otherwise harm children. It's that at his lowest, when all the bravado and scheming and masks are stripped away, Kaz chooses to put himself on the line and sacrifice his own safety over putting his people in any more danger than they have to be. Because despite his ruthlessness and casual assholery, Kaz simply doesn't have it in him to watch those he cares about get hurt if he can prevent it. He ended Chapter 26 saying he intended to leave damage behind when he's gone, but also spent the entirety of the Geldrunner chapters spending time and effort and money he didn't have to minimize the damage as much as possible for his friends (his new family) if the worst should happen to him.

So he gives them a safe place to land where the gangs won't find them. He tries to push them away and make them mad enough that they won't grieve him when he dies. He gives them multiple ways out even if none of those options guarantee his own safety. He gives them money and as much safety as he can provide with the whole city out for their blood. He gives Inej her freedom. And he gives them time to rest, recharge, and prepare for whichever plan they end up doing while he goes off to stage a coup he's not sure he'll come back from.

This is all to say: Kaz could never be Pekka, no matter how tough of a game he talks about burning everything to the ground, because Kaz cares too much to ever become Pekka. Even as he continues to pretend not to care about anything but the money, his love for his city and his Crows are baked into every one of his thoughts and actions in those chapters. Unlike Pekka, who flees first Ketterdam and then Kerch entirely when his son is in (percieved) danger, Kaz stays to fight for the city he bent to his will. And unlike Per Haskell, who lets other people do his dirty work and sells out at the first opportunity for glory, Kaz puts himself on the front lines first even when doing so comes at a great cost to himself.

Pekka chases money and power for their own sake. Per Haskell chases money and power for the decadence, glory, and laziness it allows him to get away with. Kaz chases money and power because he knows what it's like to be powerless and wants to, in his own weird way, protect others from suffering his trauma and himself from losing anyone else he cares about. And that's why even at his most unhinged Kaz could never become Pekka Rollins: his quest for power and fame and riches comes from a fundamentally different place. Kaz Brekker doesn't need a reason, but he has at least five at all times during the course of the duology...and while those reasons are often filtered through his primary reason (Inej's freedom, safety, and happiness), none of them are ever far from his mind.

did you guys know that the mother fucking UN's humanitarian and legal experts have been saying israel's occupation of palestine territories is and has always been illegal, as it violates the FUCKING GENEVA CONVENTION? did you know it was britain that 'gave' the land that wasn't theirs to give to found the state of israel as a tactic to get more jews to join the british army in their already-active war against the ottoman empire? did you know that just between 2008 and 2022 the idf killed almost SEVEN THOUSAND palestinians, as opposed to the 308 israelis by palestinians in the same time period? did you know that israel itself admits to 'forcefully evacuating' palestinians from their homes over the course of their annexation of the country? did you know the british army helped them? did you know that any palestinian who didn't want to have their house taken from them and given to american immigrants being shipped in to populate britain's pet project was killed on their spot? did you know that back in 2018 palestinians did nothing but MARCH in protest of their occupation and in response, the idf is CONFIRMED to have killed almost 400 of them, including FIFTY FIVE CHILDREN? did you know palestinians are not allowed to build anything on the land they have left? did you know they aren't ALLOWED TO LEAVE?? did you know over HALF of christian evangelicals support israel solely because the bible says israel has to exist in order to bring about the second coming? did you know that in 2021, over 88% of us congress were evangelical christians? did you know israel is confirmed to have knowingly bombed palestinian hospitals and the idf had been caught targeting journalists? did you know israel is committing another war crime at this very moment by dropping white phosphorus on gaza civilians? did you know the israeli press was just confirmed to have completely fabricated an account of palestinian war crime right after their own got caught on film? did you know the defense minister of israel openly called all palestinians 'animals' to justify the deaths of their civilians? did you know holocaust survivors are presently speaking out against the israeli state's ethnic cleansing of arabs?

why, in the united states, is criticizing a settler colony's active attempts at extermination labeled antisemitic because of the religion the settlers happen to practice, but rooting for the complete eradication of a muslim country that was already there and is barely still there not islamophobia?? why is religion being used as a shield to justify genocide?

when a sudden act of politically charged violence occurs, like the hamas attack a few days ago, i ask WHY? i ask WHY until i get as far back as i can. i read accounts written by all sides. i try to find out why this is happening in the first place. half of these facts have come from the israeli government itself. all of them are easily found and easily confirmed by reputable sources. a lot of them are caught on film. all of these facts lead me to know that the state of israel was created by britain in order to gain an advantage in an unrelated war. i know the state of israel has caused unimaginable harm to the country it's slowly eating, and has suffered just a fraction in return. i know religion justifies none of it.

palestinians deserve to live in their own country. palestinians deserve to not be forced to give their homes to americans. palestinians deserve to live, to leave, to stay, to wave their own fucking flag. they do not deserve to have another country plopped on top of them and then have their settlers ask 'don't WE have a right to exist?' as their own right to exist is being extinguished.

fuck the idf, fuck israel, fuck manifest destiny, fuck all settlers who think they deserve someone else's home enough to kick them out of it. literally, in israel's case. indigenous americans, indigenous canadians, chicanos, pacific islanders, filipinos, mestizos, we should all be standing with palestine, because we KNOW how colonial violence goes and what it looks like. solidarity between all colonised peoples. free palestine.

Radiant Emperor Characters on the Barbie-Oppenheimer Scale

Zhu: Oppenheimer

Ma: Watched Oppenheimer with Zhu, then went to watch Barbie on her own

Xu Da: Barbie

Yuchun: Barbie

Ouyang: Oppenheimer

Esen: Oppenheimer. Brushed hands with Ouyang by accident in the darkened theatre. Thought nothing of it. Ouyang thought about it for the rest of the movie.

Baoxiang: Gathered his entire household for a public viewing of Barbie, watched Oppenheimer alone in private, then gathered everyone to watch Barbie again just to really drive the point home.

General Zhang: Watched Oppenheimer and then Barbie with Madame Zhang.

Madame Zhang: Watched Oppenheimer and Barbie with General Zhang. Then felt insecure and watched Oppenheimer again, alone.

Rice Bucket Zhang: Oppenheimer

Chen Youliang: Oppenheimer

Lady Ki: Barbie

Third Prince: Wanted to watch Barbie, but watched Oppenheimer with his friends instead.

Chain of Command Chapter 4

Having a full time job working for a criminal empire had unexpected cons, and missing meals on the regular was one of them.

It was 9.40pm in Seoul, and Bambi was on the bus home from work with an empty stomach. After her talk with Forrest Lee at Hyeongshin, she had a bunch of tasks that took a couple more hours to complete before she could finally clock out and head home. 

She regretted her choice of not eating before she left for home; she wanted to reach her house quickly so she could start on her boatload of school work, and now she was paying for it with absolutely crippling gastric pains. Just because she had a high rank in the Union didn’t mean she had the physical endurance of her subordinates.  

The bus she was on hadn’t been doing a very good job of delivering her to her destination quickly either, driving so slowly the entire ride that Bambi was surprised it hadn’t been pulled over as a safety hazard, and suddenly coming to a halt at the red light, just metres from her stop. She let out a heavy sigh, unconcerned with the sharp look that the lady sitting next to her gave her. 

It seemed like the universe was determined to kill her from starvation. Forget getting home to do work, she was gonna die in this bus. If she waited any longer, a flock of vultures would probably start circling around her head.

As if it had heard her internal complaints, the light turned green, and the bus started to move again, making its way to her stop. Fucking finally. Maybe God does exist.

The doors of the bus slid open, and fresh air gushed in, tickling Bambi’s face as she stepped off the vehicle and into the outside world. Though the bus wasn’t carrying many people, the streets of Yeongdeungpo were still full, and the bright lights and heavy traffic made it feel like it was still day.

Her apartment was only a quick walk from the bus stop, so it wouldn’t take too long for her to reach home and get dinner from the convenience store underneath, but the short trip didn’t stop her from brisk walking as swiftly as possible in order to arrive as soon as she possibly could. Perhaps running would’ve allowed her to reach faster, but that made her sweaty, and depleted the little energy in her famished body that she had left after her long day of work. Screw this job, seriously. 

At least her boss and her coworkers (which was. Just Kingsley) suffered the same fate. And honestly, she thought she had it better than they did. Maybe keeping the delinquents in check was tiring, but it was the lesser of two evils. Kingsley’s job of following Donald around the whole day sounded fucking boring- she’d sat in on some of Donald’s meetings herself and she nearly fell asleep every time. And she couldn’t even imagine being Donald Na himself. 

Speaking of Donald and Kingsley, she wondered what the two of them were doing at the moment. They usually wrapped up around nine, but sometimes their business matters leached into their free time, and they wouldn’t get off work until ten or so-

Her phone rang, snapping her out of her own thoughts.

She rolled her eyes as she checked the caller ID. Speak of the devil.

“What?” 

“We’re having dinner.” Kingsley Kwan’s monotonic voice was muffled by the sounds of traffic, and she pressed her ear closer to her phone in order to hear what he was saying. “I’ve sent you the location. Do you want to join us?” 

No need to guess what ‘we’ meant. Unless Kingsley had very suddenly (and very uncharacteristically) added a new person to his social circle, which Bambi thought was as likely as him growing an extra head, or perhaps changing his hairstyle to something more fashionable, it meant he was having dinner with Donald Na.

Which also meant, they were probably at some nice, expensive restaurant, while she was brisk walking home deluding herself into believing that she wasn’t actually that hungry anyways. 

She sighed exaggeratedly as she considered her options, loud enough for Kingsley to hear. By the time she reached the restaurant, they’d probably already be done with their meal. What a shame; Donald always paid too.

“So nice of you to think of me, Kingsley.” She said into the phone, a sneer apparent in her voice. She knew he wouldn’t take it seriously anyways. “But I’m nearly home. Sorry.”

She and Kingsley were sort of friends, where they both understood and cared for one another, except with the care part left out.

Due to the isolating nature of their jobs, Kingsley was the only person she hung around on an everyday basis who also worked directly for Donald. The large amount of time that they both spent around each other led to a mutual understanding between the two; they could empathise with each other’s problems, hold a conversation without it being awkward, and banter with one another without coming off as overly familiar.

But also because of the nature of their jobs, every interaction with one another was always laced with the underlying awareness that at the end of the day, they’d both choose the wellbeing of the Union over the other. Or in Kingsley’s case, he’d choose Donald over her. 

Like she’d said, the Union benefited from disloyalty.

She paused for a moment, before adding on. “Thank Donald for me.”

“Hold on.” Kingsley’s side of the call was silent for a moment, though she heard hushed talking in the background, and then shuffling like the phone was being passed over. 

“Bambi. How is Hyeongshin doing?” Unlike his second in command, Donald spoke at a slow pace with a lowered voice; a voice that commandeered attention and respect. Even from behind a phone screen, it still put her a little on edge.

“I informed them about the dip in sales. Forrest Lee assured me that he’d take care of it. Other than that, I think they’re handling everything well. Tomorrow they’re heading over to Ganghak to make a pick up for KHG, I told Forrest to inform me once it’s done.”

“Good.”

Donald paused, and Bambi held her breath for whatever might come next. Though it had been ages since she’d last been reprimanded (and she intended to keep it that way) you never really knew with Donald Na. He liked to take his time while speaking to collect his thoughts, unbothered by the nerves of those around him.

“From now on, make sure you keep as close an eye as possible on the executives. Make sure to make use of the observers that I’ve planted around Yeongdeungpo.”

The observers were Union members whose jobs were to bring any suspicious activity to Bambi’s attention so that she could investigate it and take care of the matter. To pluck out any weed before it had the chance to grow. 

“After all that’s happened with Eunjang and Myles’s excommunication, we need some time to restabilise. While that’s happening, we can’t let anyone take advantage of the weakened state of the Union, especially with the new businesses that require our attention. Report anything out of the ordinary to me.”

“...Okay.” Bambi heard silence in response, before the robotic beep of Donald hanging up. 

Donald was right to be concerned. The boys in the Union were the type to cause trouble regardless of how many times Donald Na had demonstrated his power. In order to keep them in line, he’d have to maintain a tight grip on their leashes at all times.

She sighed as she approached the convenience store under her apartment flat. What sounded better, microwave heated pasta or pizza? 

Her mind wandered to the pick up that was due to happen the next day. 

It was just a simple exchange- Ganghak was just transporting the money to Hyeongshin so that they could drop it off again somewhere else. The Union executives did it all time, so there had never been a real need for Bambi to keep an eye on them while doing it. 

Even now, after Donald’s instructions, she doubted that he needed her to watch over every single transaction done in the Union. However, he did order her to observe them as carefully as possible, and she was in the area tomorrow…

She scrolled through Kakaotalk, clicking the call icon on a certain contact as she pushed the door to the store open. 

“Hey Forrest, there’s been a change of plans…”

~

okay so i'm a lot happier with this chapter than my other ones. for one, i gave myself more time to write this. i know i just posted chapter 3 so it might look like i rushed this chapter in two days, but it was actually supposed to be posted on tumblr two weeks ago. i just forgot about it after posting on ao3.