The Only Acceptable Reason For This Is If This Character Is Actually A Demon Who Seduces Men And Then

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

SugarTobi will be taking that admission as permission and presses a kiss to the back of gvTobi's neck, "Let me help you out with that, hm? Help you take the edge off..." he begins stroking lazily, mouth hot against his elder's neck. "Mm, mine does that too, but...they always wear those gloves. They're sooo sensitive there...gods..."

The youngest of them watches with rapt attention and reaches out without really thinking to brush his fingers lightly over the seals on gvTobi's shoulder, asking almost shyly, "Can I help?"

SugarMadara raises an eyebrow at his shorter alternate, "Really, yours is so obstinate? Try giving mine a command..." He smirks again in his lover's direction, knowing the man can hear him, "He knows he will be well rewarded if he's good~ I'll call a halt if you get too outrageous."

The youngest Madara hums quietly and reaches out to take his older self's naked hand. "Perhaps they shouldn't be the only ones giving a show?" He kisses the palm, eyes challenging. The elder of the two chuckles.

"We do seem to be a little overdressed for this, don't we?"

I don't remember whether canon revealed Tim's specific Hit List contingencies or not, I lost that comic book awhile ago.

So I'd like to make shit up and invite people to add to the list. I've said before that I like to imagine that Damian just found the Hit List file and saw himself and immediately went to Nightwing, and I think it'd be funny if the Hit List was actually either A) Tim's customized playlists for everyone or B) the stupidest plans that might work as a mockery of Batman's contingency list.

In this episode I want to focus on option B, what would be on the Stupid Plans List if someone goes evil.

Damian - erase his Cheese Viking saves. Tell him his sketches of Batman are technically furry art. Buy him Robux???

Dick - lead him to Gotham zoo, get him to the elephants. Strategically leave powdered sedatives on ground, hope he licks? Dress as Jaybin, talk him down as hallucination.

Jason - just cut my own throat this time fuck.

Bruce - call Clark. Call Diana.

Cass - aw shit here we go again

Steph - Join. As a treat.

Cassie, Kon, Bart - all else fails, Core Four Suicide Pact 👍

Ra's - tell him I'll be his heir if he wins an MMORPG of my choice. Maybe he'll forget to Lazarus bathe?

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

SugarTobi moans quietly, rolling his hips against gvTobi with a short gasp against his neck. "F-Fuck...Yeah, yes, he'd like...Not too deep, we haven't, ah, trained ourselves yet..." SugarTobi's other hand braces itself on the eldest Tobi's hip and squeezes appreciatively. "Yeah, let him suck...He learns so fast~"

The youngest is shaking, lips parted and breath hot on gvTobi's thumb. His hand slides down the other him's arm to loosely hold his wrist. He wants to move forward himself, curl his tongue around the digit and take it into his mouth, but...Fuck, he also wants the other version if himself to take charge and...and fuck his mouth with whatever he damn well pleases. ("Not too deep". How embarrassing. What, is he the only one here with a gag reflex?)

SugarTobi's eyes flicker up to find gvMadara's, dazed and already near to falling into subspace. "Right..." he returns his attention to the man in his arms. "Command me, then. Tell me what you want me to do to your lovely body..." Dizzily, he becomes certain that he has spent too much time around Madara to have picked up some of his favorite descriptors of Tobi's body.

He huffs a laugh against his elders shoulder as he changes hands and begins to massage the man's nipples. That's new, too. Neither Sugar personally care about those, so...it's interesting. Caressing the parts of this body that is so similar to his own that if he looks down he can almost pretend he is touching himself. "Of course...don't go far past the uvula. He likes when you pet his tongue and let him suck..." A full body shiver goes through the youngest and he whines needly. "The...The palatine tonsils should be the limit..."

SugarTobi watches, enraptured, as his younger self begins to drift into subspace from gvTobi's fingers and voice alone. "Fuck...he's falling already? Wow..." He lightly bites his elder's shoulder to make sure he's paying attention. He's a bit jealous of the youngest, but won't let himself fall until he is sure that gvTobi can handle both or either of them. "He's going to be...extremely suggestible like this. Obeying orders is going to leave him euphoric...could probably get him off with praise alone." Not that SugarTobi knows anything about that. Madara's voice telling him what a good boy his is has certainly never brought him to one of the most intense orgasms of his life, no.

"It's....complete trust. If you get overwhelmed or don't want him...send him to my Madara; he will treat him well." He glances at the man he is speaking of and draws a short, stuttering breath at the intensity of the attention the Madaras are giving to them. The two Madaras in varied states of undress almost make him laugh and do fill him with a sense of accomplishment. Some of the most powerful ninja in the world are shucking their robes and running their hands over each other while hardly looking away from the trio of pretty lookalikes.

He meets the passionate gaze of the eldest Madara and presses his thumb down just a bit on the head of his alternate's dick on his next stroke. SugarTobi might shoot the man an arrogant smirk as he does.

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

Youngest rests his head against gvTobi's shoulder, listening to his older self taking three fingers and just...floating in the contented quiet of his mind, luxuriating in the warmth of other bodies and the kindness in their voices. His arousal hardly even matters in comparison to the simple joy at the way he is called 'sweetheart' without a hint of mockery.

Sugar trembles in ecstasy as the Eldest slowly, carefully fucks his mouth with his fingers, unmindful of the saliva he can't swallow down. Heavy-lidded eyes are fixed on the other him's face, absolutely intent on his words and desperately wanting to satisfy his every desire.

-

SugarMadara's breath hitches as his delightful younger self takes him in further with a hum of appreciation. He jerks his hips slightly into that mouth, keeps his head pressed steady for a long moment, just until the other man start to choke, before relaxing his hold and rocking back.

He continues talking to the eldest Madara as if nothing amiss had happened.

"Hn...You want a good time, old man? I'm sure we can come up with something. As soon as this one finishes me off, I'm gonna turn around and get to my knees, show you my own skills while he jerks himself off over my back. How's that sound~?"

((Edited content: @dahtwitchi))

[gvTobi really enjoys how well-behaived and trained the older SugarTobi is. He rewards him with water. Good boy.]

[gvMadara is a grouchy old man who can't decide whether he loves or hates the Tobi-pile. Says something about SugarMadara needing to wash his hair.]

((Return to: @donkoogrr))

SugarTobi blinks lazily, pouting slightly as his mouth is left feeling strangely empty, and tilts his head to drink from the Eldest's hand. He kisses his palm when he is done, rests his scarred cheek docilely in the cupped fingers, open and vulnerable and simply waiting.

-

SugarMadara tilts his head back and smiles wickedly against the other man's throat. He wants to talk filthily about how wonderfully sore and pliant his lover will be after this, how wonderful their bathing together tends to be, but he knows better than to poke at that particular jealous beast. "Depravity is getting me some truly magnificent head right now, so I will take that as a compliment."

He is getting close to his end, as well. He tugs on the youngest's hair. "Get ready, you've done so well...we're almost done with that talented mouth of yours..."

Man, sometimes I read a fic where their version of Superman is so flat he couldn't even cause a papercut and the favored characters are all "Superman is the type of person who always thinks he's doing the right thing" and "Superman doesn't accept criticism" and "Superman is a bumbling farm boy hick stupid head" and "the Justice League is a bunch of elitist hacks and their club is only to hype themselves up because narcissism".

And I gotta. Like. Okay? That's a take, I guess. That's an opinion. It always takes me out of the story though, because it's presented as a known fact of the world of the fic despite little to no indication of those truths being reflected in the rest of the fic. It's a weird whiplash and it always leaves me almost ravenously curious as to what influenced this perception.

Sometimes it's explained as an unreliable narrator, sometimes an author's note will shrug off responsibility with "someone has to be the asshole lol", and sometimes it seems to be really and truly genuine and that is fascinating to me. I want to know the why's. I want to take them for coffee and listen to their perspectives. I want to understand.

One of my favorite Batman and Superman team up comics has a pre-jl storyline where they don't trust each other just yet. And because they don't trust each other, they both leap to save the life of a criminal being thrown out a window - they can't be sure the other won't just let this awful person die "accidentally". And because they were both distracted by that, an innocent hostage ran into the street in a panic and was struck and killed by a truck.

It was such a needless death. It was so bullshit and pointless. Both Superman and Batman recognized the need for trust, the need to let themselves be known enough, vulnerable enough, to not have this happen again.

And can y'all imagine how both their stories might have changed if future writers, canon and fanfic alike, kept that character growth in mind?

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

SugarTobi laughs under his breath as he immediately obeys the order when his elder self grabs his wrist, stilling his hand. The eldest Madara calls him a good boy and he almost falls then and there from sheer habit. He swallows thickly, tries to turn his attention back to his other selves, "Right..." He moves his hand from gvTobi's cock and instead begins to gently rub over the man's muscled stomach.

The youngest Tobi is shaking, whimpering slightly as he obediently swallows the fingers and...oh-! He gags slightly, but this is the farthest he's ever..."Good boy," SugarTobi whispers to him, and the youngest opens his eyes slightly, stares at gvTobi with complete devotion. (His head is so, so quiet like this. He only has to obey and nothing more, he doesn't have to listen to the ever present buzzing of his own thoughts)

gvTobi is doing marvelous with the youngest of them. SugarMadara purrs at his older self's hands in his hair, and there is a sharp sense of pride as he sees his Tobi struggling to avoid sinking into his own state of bliss. "Such a good boy; he's trying so hard. Yours is a natural at this. Has he ever put you under?" Personally, SugarMadara has only gotten an approximation of what the complete sense of trust feels like. He and Tobi had tried a few times, but nothing had ever clicked for him.

"He truly could be a remarkable dom." SugarMadara murmurs to himself, very much hoping both Tobis from his world will be inspired by the display of easy confidence. He shivers at the pleasant sensation as the oldest Madara tugs his hair again, asking about his own abilities. SugarMadara grins at the challenge. "I think you will find that we are both exceptionally talented in the oral arts. Are you asking for a demonstration?"

He seems to pay no attention to the fact that his younger self is dipping lower into his trousers, his smooth leather gloves teasing their way to his erection. The younger Madara might have a bit more issue with deepthroating fingers, but he would learn quickly.

Speaking of learning, SugarMadara turns his attention back to the Tobis as the youngest there makes a garbled noise of bliss. He watches carefully, ready to step in if needed.

The fingers press in again, going further. The youngest Tobi grips the other's wrist with both hands as if it's the only thing keeping him standing as he takes it all and then...He isn't sure what it was, but something tips him over the edge. He starts choking messily, forgetting to breath properly as his orgasm hits him, tears reflexively forming as he gags.

I say he should call himself the Coot, just to be extra fucking petty about how many times he's had to deal with mind games and intellectual-type villains.

Also, they are occasional nest parasite water birds with red eyes and black heads who are known to starve their weaker cooties of they don't kill them outright. And they look like ducks but they aren't ducks.

Hmmm hero with a habit of late nights, with a cowl and black hair who lives(d) on a houseboat. One who is known for looking like someone he's not or having imposter syndrome in general.

I'm just sayin'!

"Tim's next hero name should be (insert basic ahh bird name)!"

Incorrect, I believe it should either be a reference to a detective novel or some really weird/ less heard of/ complicated bird name.

"The Babbler"

"Slaty Thrush"

"Night Owl" would actually be cool, ngl...

"Sunbird"

"Crake"

"Eagle Owl"

"Red Rumped Swallow"

"American Pipit"

"Azure Dollarbird"

"Blood Pheasant"

"Barking Owl"

I think you get it.

Part of this is having fun looking up people from media you've never touched before! Like, shit, I do not expect a lot of people to know of one of these motherfuckers.

Also, squinting at the mutuals list and trying to figure out who'd be interested in a chain letter meme who isn't already on it. Like, what's the friendship level vs interest level?

Ayo @asknotbug, @spicy-apple-pie, @mentallyunawareofpapaya, @pearlescentpearl

Not me having some kinda type... Who shall I tag? I think I wanna tagggggg... @mybugsmybugsmybugs @mexicangela @lunar-years @biscuitboxpink but no pressure!! I just thought it would be fun!

My immediate reaction was "No, leave that old man alone; he is an angry gem who encourages children and has high standards for adults who claim to be professionals" and then I realized how Batman coded that sentence was and needed to sit down.

And then I remembered that he also has an estranged brother who has attacked him, or threatened his family, I think, maybe? And now I'm vibing with the concept of Gordon Ramsay having a vigilante alter-ego in the DC world.

I've given enough angst lately. Have something amusing:

Chef Bernard Dowd on Hell's Kitchen.

Imagine it, please. Imagine Tim gripping with bloody hands to the shreds of his self-control, trying not to physically attack Chef Gordan Ramsey for yelling at Bernard for fucking up the risotto.

My problem is that I have the heart of a Robin with the body of a Penguin.

The world isn't ready for another Danny Devito I gotta try to make things better for my next round