The Bone Chilling Winter Comes After My Soul

*goes through a hard time*

Me: I must be pretending

*feels incredibly lonely and wants to talk to someone*

Me: ew I'm too needy and weak

*experiences shitloads of emotional pain*

Me: stfu you're not a baby, gulp it down alone like an adult

✨️finally gone manic after being unable to want to breathe for years ✨️

I just read “each time you open a book and read, a tree smiles knowing there's life after death”and OH MY GOD

— In the Future, Jay Hulme, in '100 Queer Poems, an anthology' (2022)

[text ID: I've forgotten what my face looks like / but can easily describe my spine. / The way it bends under pressure, / the way it curves, but will not break.]

but being numb/feeling empty is a whole another level of worse.

sometimes the emotions get so intense that i'd rather be numb.

This. Oh man, this.

Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

my mind often contradicts the heart

it says, no more.

today, the heart begs,

I will live for the both of us.

Time to go underground and push everyone away after an overwhelming weekend.

Trying to not to be afraid of this energy. One of the days when I feel sorry for myself. Sigh.

And many, many valleys of sorrow and mountains of death.

Marina Tsvetaeva, from a diary entry featured in Earthly Signs Moscow Diaries, 1917-1922