I Don't Generally Do A Whole Lot Of Graphic Trauma Dumping In Therapy Anymore Because I'm Usually Trying

isn’t it weird how you can just grow up without a single person caring about you or looking out for you and with extra brutalizing on the side and you’re still alive and almost completely coherent but in so much pain and bursting with paranoia and insecurity and self doubt while all the people who did this to you are just. business as regular. where is the karma.

This song is such a fucking gift

Carissa Potter Carlson  

I'm really fucking tired of watching my husband suffer so much because I'm so sick. I feel like people don't talk enough about the trauma spouses go through, watching the person they love most in the world continue to deteriorate constantly.

Had a doctor appointment today where I found out officially (I suspected this would happen for a while so it's not exactly new information) that I'm going to most likely need a proctocolectomy and an ileostomy. Which basically means they're going to chop out my colon, sew by butthole shut, and give me a stoma on my abdomen where I shit into a little bag. Cheers.

Obviously I'm having feelings about it but that's not what this particular post is about.

He has PTSD from watching me almost die from a bowel obstruction and having two emergency surgeries, a bowel resection, end up tube fed, and then on TPN. Obviously I survived all of that, but he's still really, really impacted by it. Then I got a brain tumor and had brain surgery, which was a whole ordeal. He struggles so much every time I'm in the hospital.

So for me to be having serious GI surgery, arguably the most extreme surgery I've ever had besides my brain surgery, is so triggering for him. And what can he do, just grin and bear it? It's fucking awful, and I know that I'd rather be the sick one instead of the one feeling powerless and alone in the face of all biology can do to wreck a human.

so here we are again. fuck it, sincerely.

I do not want to be sick. I am sick and want to be taken seriously. There's a difference.

Nothing more punk than someone who is in pain all the fucking time and just continues to exist.

Edit: this isn't about random characters. This is about physically disabled people.

yay!

That moment when you find out your bestie has been lying to you for MONTHS because she's been cheating on her husband (who is your other bestie) and you're so angry that all you feel inside is dead. This woman was out fucking some other dude WHILE HER HUSBAND AND MOTHER WERE DESPERATELY TRYING TO REACH HER ABOUT HER FATHER BEING TAKEN OFF LIFE SUPPORT.

I'm fucking tired of being lied to by people and I hurt for her poor husband, who's been trying his damnedest to save their marriage for like two years.

Just blew her entire life up. I cannot fathom it.