How To Cope With Being Alone At Home And Paranoid

I hate when he holds me or shows me any affection. It feels dirty, wrong, unwanted. Most of the time I ignore it, but when It happens I feel like I’m cheating on you. I suppose that's a funny thought...We’re not even together, but... I still feel like I belong to you. I feel stuck between two worlds. I can’t help these feelings. I am so afraid of it welling up in me and threatening to spill. I’ve never felt a love like this before. I think I’ll love you forever, no matter what happens. You make me so happy. I wish I could tell you just how much you really mean to me... It’s been a while and I wish I knew how you feel about me at this point in time....but I am honestly too scared to attempt to ask at this point. I’m scared it might just be the same answer as before. If it is I would rather not know, and just stay happy in my daydreams. 

Ｒ∆ＤＩＯ ＮＯＷＨヨＲヨ

shoutout to people with simultaneously great and terrible memories. like oh yeah i remember in perfect detail that random story you told about the banana costume from a year ago but all of novemeber? completely blank.

trance or something | 28.04.19

You’ll be fine, you h o n e y c o m b~

Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so

c o l d ?

You’ll be fine, oh h o n e y p i e~

Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so

u n k i n d ?

7/2/19

10:20pm

6lbs down in a week so far, pretty excited about that.

370c for dinner, the only meal I eat.

Half a bowl smoked,

In such a weird fucking mindset today, I don't understand. I don't understand this feeling in my chest. What are you trying to tell me?

Slept 5 hours today, but not very good.

My mother is talking to and potentially dating a man I'm not very fond of, I hate it.

What is this fucking feeling engulfing me? 

Welp im ill :)

Got a 103.1 fever, so fucking cold with chills, dizzy af, double earpain, sore throat, a weird gross thing on my right side of my throat ew, painful nodes on both sides, andddd a migraine 👌🏻😊 Fuck

Your vision most days.