Even When A Flare Up Is Ending, You’ll Have Hard Days. Normal Things May Leave You Out Of Breath. You

I honestly believe that people who lost their childhood, teenage years to mental illness and/or trauma are so strong for still being here. Especially once you’re about 18-25 and trying to relearn how to be in society and healthy and human.

Especially when you decide to work towards getting better.

Especially when your life isn’t where you wished it would be.

Stay alive okay? If you lost your youth, I’m sorry and I’m so proud of you for still being here. Keep fighting. Your best years are ahead of you.

Little Intro

Hi, My call me Dee! I'm a 23-year-old NonBinary[Neutrois] Spoonie. Over the past few years, I've gotten a few official DX’s after suffering for years since I was really young. Its been hard trying to come to terms with things and accepting my mind and body for what they are and the illnesses I do have. It's taken this long to stop fighting myself and consider extensive therapy and medicine. I tried when I was younger but being a mentally Ill and hurting kid I didn’t want to accept certain things. Especially when society makes things like mental illness so taboo. But I’m 23 now and I realize I went through nothing a child should ever have to, and yes I survived but at the cost of my mental and physical well being. Coming to terms with that, and that I can't and will never be fully able-bodied is hard. I'm hoping that eventually, I learn to accept and love myself the way I am and stop comparing myself to others. A bit about my conditions:

Mental:

•C-PTSD

•Anxiety/Panic Disorder [Severe]

•BPD

•Bipolar

•Depression [Severe]

•Dissociative Disorder

•DPDR

•OCD

•Paranoid Personality Disorder

•Maladaptive Daydreaming. [not sure if this counts much.]

| I also think I have OSDD-1b but I'm too scared to tell my new Doctor just yet.

Physical:

•IBS-D

•Fibromyalgia

•PCOS

•Psoriasis

•Terrible sinus/ear issues that we don't know what it's from yet.

•Eating Disorders. [A and B, as well as BED]  •Sluggish Gallbladder

Medications:

Going to start Vistaril soon for my anxiety. Hope it helps. If anyone is on it too let me know how it helps for you.

Tldr; I'm using this blog as a way to help vent and come to terms with things about my mental and physical health. The past few years have hit me so hard. A lot of trauma memories resurfacing because of trying to recover from abuse and a bad childhood. The stress of this flaring up my body and a lot of invalidation from my mother and family. I just want to at least make a small place for myself where I can feel that I somewhat belong, even a tiny bit.

So..Lets see where this goes. :)

Sometimes I don’t feel like living

Test

if it makes you unable to get out of bed: you’re not faking it

if it makes you unable to think straight: you’re not faking it

if it makes you unable to brush your hair in the morning: you’re not faking it

even if you’re still able to work and smile during the day but unable to sleep or move later that day because of it: you’re not faking it

if it effects you in any way: you are not faking it

THIS IS REAL, don’t second guess yourself because others do

ANXIETY DISORDERS ARE NOT THE SAME AS JUST FEELING ANXIOUS/NERVOUS

Anxiety can cause horrible physical symptoms that make everyday life very difficult

It can make you feel utterly terrified, as though your life is in danger, for no apparent reason

It can give you panic attacks at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all

It makes you feel vulnerable and unsafe almost all the time

It is utterly, completely tormenting to live with

Triggers can be everywhere, anything and caused by anyone at any time

It is not a matter of shyness, cute blushing or butterflies in the stomach

It is a hideous, evil disease that I would not wish on anyone

It can be literal mental and physical torture to live with when it gets bad

PLEASE, PLEASE STOP TRIVIALISING ANXIETY (or any mental illness)

I am having a massive panic att ack and crying and im so upset and i jsut want him but i dont wanan bother him hes busy but fuck i i need him mroe than anything