I Really Love Your Answers To The Questions You Get, Because They're Very Well Thought Out And It's Like

The only secrets I cannot keep are my own.

Not that I don't want to.

If I had my way, every single other person in the world would only ever see the carefully made-up, touched up, photoshopped, filtered, edited, reviewed and revised life. They would never know the dark spaces in my heart where the fear and insecurity reside. They would never see the times when I tripped on the cracks in the sidewalk of life. They would never even bear witness to the grimace at the text from the boy I want but can't have. Would never even know that I'm human enough to feel emotion. If I could, I'd smile and lie my way through every conversation, every interaction. I'd keep all the anxiety, all the "I can't do this", all the self-loathing, all the pitiful, sad, scared parts of me locked up deep inside. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty happy, well-adjusted, social person. But I have the parts of me I'm not so proud of, and I have my moments when they seem like the ONLY parts of me. As do we all. 

But these secrets, they're destroying me. I physically cannot exist pretending that I have no struggles, no problems, no flaws. Thankfully for me, I have people around me who care about me. I have a fabulous mama who thinks I'm fabulous too. I have absolutely wonderful friends who love me and because they love me, they tell me the truth. And by sharing my sorrows with them and confessing my downfalls to them, my secrets don't have that power over me anymore. My secrets no longer loom as a mountain that I'll never scale. They're not captives inside me anymore. They're not clamouring against my ribcage to escape my chest. They're not gripping my throat and choking me anymore. My secrets aren't my demons anymore. I've been given love and advice and perspective and the distorted lens through which I viewed my secrets has been removed by the clarity of other people's words. Wow, you mean I'm NOT a terrible person? My whole life isn't ruined? I AM gonna be okay? What?! 

You know what I mean. We're so adept at creating our own private torture. We're so skilled at turning our own heads into prisons. We obsess over our slip-ups. We play it over again and again and again and again and again and again. The endless loop of failure. We rip it to shreds analyzing every syllable, every inflection in the voice, every glance, ever thought, every breath. 

If you grew up in the church, maybe you, like I, know the fear of transparency that exists in there. We have this tendency to put on a mask every time we enter that building. Casting Crowns wrote a song I love called Stained Glass Masquerade and one of the lines says "am I the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage?" That line always resonates with me. And I heard a pastor say once upon a time "we would rather confess our sins to a sinless God than to our fellow sinful humans." I don't know what it is, but I see it in myself and my close friends - that quality of perfectionism. It's stupid cause the church is not for perfect people. It's for decidedly imperfect people. I recognize my severe imperfection and the fact that I need Jesus. So why am I so afraid to admit it to the people around me? 

Let it go. Let it out. Find someone who loves you. Someone you trust. Don't give the secrets the power. If you have no one else to talk to, talk to me. I'm never ever gonna judge you for anything. Just don't keep it a secret. 

This is more of an issue directed towards the Catholic church than towards you, but i feel like your insight might be able to clear it up for me, at least somewhat. So. Why is it that homosexuality is such a prevalent issue now, and why is it still so strongly enforced that it is wrong and a sin when there were SO many other things in the bible like eating pork or talking to a woman who was menstruating which were equally as wrong. Times have changed, why is the church denying human rights?

I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to answer you! I have been…how shall I put it? Emotionally unstable as of late, teehee ;) And as a general rule, I try not to do anything of much importance during times of emotional instability. :P If I can help it. And your questions are very important to me.

I’m also flattered that you value my insight so highly, and will do my best to give you some clarity.

First off, I beg of you to appreciate how difficult this issue is for Orthodox Christians. That is, Christians who believe the whole bible. I am one of those. And when I try to sort out the homosexuality issue in my head, I end up with a sort of temporary split-personality disorder.

Katherine 1 says that obviously, you can’t blame someone for something they can’t help.

Katherine 2 wonders why the bible would say it’s wrong if it can’t be helped.

Katherine 3 says to shut up both of you, because there’s no condemnation for sin anyway through the blood of Jesus Christ.

Katherine 3 always wins and that’s usually the end of the discussion. But you see, some people ONLY have a Katherine 2. Now even with that as our starting point, we’ve still got flawed logic because there’s all this other crap, like you mentioned, such as eating pork and talking to women who are menstruating.

On a sidenote, avoiding women who are menstruating is not only an Old Testament law, it’s also just good sense!

Anyway…the point is that those things are Old Testament laws. They’re the kind of stuff you would find in Leviticus, where it also says stuff like “don’t sit on a beaver while wearing red horizontal stripes on the third Tuesday of the month if it’s raining…because aliens don’t wear hats.” That is, obviously, hyperbole meant to illustrate the sheer ludicrousness of some of the laws in the OT. They had all these random laws because that was back before Jesus died so they legitimately had to be perfect. And if they messed up, they had to sacrifice animals to pay for their sins. This whole cosmic consequences thing is no joke. Our actions have earthly and spiritual repercussions, and we owe a blood debt. Thankfully, Jesus paid that debt. But before that, they had to kill firstborn lambs and crap like that. So that’s where the pork and period stuff comes from. All that stuff became obsolete after Jesus died. The old laws don’t hold us captive anymore because the blood of Christ covers all our sins.

UNFORTUNATELY, homosexuality is also mentioned in the New Testament, by Paul, who lived years after Jesus’ death. He also says it’s wrong. So now we’re back to square one.

The way I see it, there are at least three reasons why the church sees itself as capable of condemning homosexuality:

They can distance themselves from it. All other sins, cheating, sexual deviance, drugs, lying, pride, have all infiltrated our pews and made themselves at home. We can’t judge any of those sins because we commit them. So we preach forgiveness, redemption and freedom for all those sins, but not for homosexuality. You know, sometimes I think that the church just wants a way to make themselves feel better, like they’re not as bad as everybody else. I dunno, I might be making that up. Bottom line is that we forget that all sin is equal.

The church is very fond of behavior modification. Obviously, the bottom line is a relationship with Jesus. That is the number one most basic, most primary need of every human being. But on top of that, the church likes to fix people and work out strategies to get them to stop doing the “sin” instead of focussing on what really matters: the incredible saving grace of the gospel. And homosexuality…cannot be modified. Gay people don’t want our “help”. They don’t want to change, and can’t even if they wanted to. In a way, I think that infuriates us.

The government and structures of society, until recently, have supported our intolerance. It only started not so long ago that amendments were being made to legislature to allow gay people to marry. Being supported by the law can make anyone feel secure in a position of hate. I read Huck Finn last year, and the poor confused boy thought he was going to hell for freeing a slave, because that was what he had been taught. Church and government have often been hand in hand, and racism seemed to have been condoned by Christians at one point too. Which is just as atrocious as our current predicament. You would think we would learn that people are people, loved by God no matter what!

Finally, it’s such a prevalent issue NOW because it’s relevant now. When racism was abundant and black people were confined to separate bathrooms, busses and hospitals, I wouldn’t be a tad bit surprised if there weren’t churchgoers protesting the eradication of colour segregation. All one has to do is read The Help by Kathryn Stockett to get a good picture of that. But that’s history and now it seems foolish that black people and white people were ever separated at all.

That being said, the bible doesn’t say that being black is wrong. And yeah, times have changed, but whether you think it should or not, the bible doesn’t change. I’m not going to compromise my beliefs to be relevant, but I sure as heck am not gonna judge or condemn someone for being gay. Neither will I deny them basic human rights. I believe that gay people should have the right to marry each other. Who are we straight people to say what they can and cannot do? That’s just foolish. We are all people, equal, and worthy of love and respect. And, I might add, all needing Jesus.

Look, I don’t mean to bash on the institution of organized religion. The church is meant to be a body of believers, Christ’s bride. I love the church. I love the family, the community, and, despite my sarcastic comments, the genuine love and acceptance. We’re not all bad. Some of us get confused. Katherine 1 and 2 may never settle their differences, and I just have to live with my split personality. And from confusion can stem misguidedness, good intentions, and mistakes. We are still learning, and trying our very best to make sense of conflicting information from the world and the bible.

This post was just an analysis of the attitude of the modern church. And it’s just my opinion. I could have made all this stuff up. I’m not saying that all Christians think and act like the ones I described in my 3 reasons for condemnation. And I’m not saying that kind of behaviour is right. I’m just saying.

But I do believe that we’ll get better. We will get more tolerant. There’s a bright future for the church and homosexuality, I’m sure of it. God’s love is a powerful, all-consuming force. And his love for all His children is fierce. He’s reminding us of that right now. Keep your hopes up. :)

Peace and love! -Katherine

Kinda urgent (tho it may not sound it) I'm trans and I watched some videos saying bein trans is a sin. This disturbed me deeply. I'm afraid what if God wants me to stop my transition, or else I won't be able to be with him. If thats what Jesus meant by picking up my cross? I don't want to stop transition at all but I don't want to go against Him either. I'm scared and confused. I don't want to think my gender identity is a temptation from Satan since it's so deeply who I am. (1/2)

(2/2) I feel so distraught and like my world is coming apart. I feel distant from God and fearful of Him rather than knowing His love. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do or how to reconcile my gender identity with Him. It’s making me question my faith, when all I want is to be close to God. I know this may not sound urgent but it’s destroying me inside and I don’t know why. Do you have any thoughts on this whole thing? I’m sorry if this is a bother or not seemingly urgent.

Hi there, anon. I’m sorry those videos shook you so much – I’ve been there. It’s sucks, but it’s okay. You’re okay.

First off, I promise that God loves you so, so deeply. And God made you how you are. Jesus came that we might have fullness of life, not to make us live in fear or so that we might continue to live under the chains of social norms. Because the gender binary is a social norm – and we are called not to conform to the world but to be transformed in Christ.

God does not set ultimatums that force us to chop off pieces of ourselves, or squeeze ourselves into boxes that don’t fit, in order to live with God. This post has a quote from a womanist theologian on how God calls us to wholeness, and what that means for LGBT+ Christians in particular. And here is a post with a string of tweets that show how God loves us as we are – rather than saying, “In order to love you, I must make you into something else,” God says, “I receive you as you are – and I come to help you become your fullest, truest self.”

With all of the above information – that God comes to affirm our fullest selves – we do need to take the concept of carrying the cross into account as well. Luckily, Austen Hartke’s Transgender and Christian series has a video on how being trans is not “Our Cross to Bear.” (If you have trouble hearing videos, let me know and I’ll write out a synopsis of the video for you tomorrow!)

His videos “Self Denial or Abundant Life?” and “Abundant Life AND Self Denial?” are also ones that would help you understand how God calls us to abundance that includes transitioning. (Again, let me know if you need a textual summary of the vids.)

Jesus assures us that we can know sin by its fruit, and we can know goodness by its fruit. So let’s look at the fruits of trying to live as cis when we aren’t, versus the fruits of embracing being trans.

Common fruits of living as cis when we aren’t: depression and anxiety from dysphoria; feelings of isolation from other humans and from yourself; feelings of anger, often against God, and thus a lack of strong relationship with God

Common fruits of embracing being trans: gender euphoria!; renewed energy and feelings of joy and thanksgiving that we can use to serve and connect with others as well as to praise God; deeper understandings of ourselves and new experiences that may shape who we are and give us wisdom; a connection to a marginalized community that helps us develop empathy we can use to serve others.

(Some Austen Hartke vids related to these ideas of good fruit: x, x). 

Embracing being trans bears good fruit, while trying to repress it (as well as transphobia) tends to bear harmful fruit. For more on the idea of good fruit, see this tag. Satan is not “making” you trans, because if that were the case, it would not bear good fruit.

God delights in diversity, anon. We are all made so uniquely, with different gifts to offer. I believe being trans is a part of that – we have a unique perspective to offer others – a unique view on our bodies, our minds and spirits, on the gender binary and harmfulness of gender roles, and more. 

Another video to help calm your worries about physically transitioning, this video by Austen is helpful too. 

Here’s a prayer on transitioning that also might help.

For more resources, including responses to common arguments against trans/LGBT people using Scripture, see the “But what does the Bible say?” and the trans section of our resources page. 

I’m going to post now so you’ll have this; I might add to it tomorrow so keep a lookout for updates. Take a look at the links, and take a moment for some self care. Then, if you have more questions, you are welcome to ask them here! We are here for you anon; you are not alone. <3

RANT Warning: indelicate language and imagery. Okay, so apparently as much as 54% of men and 42% of women are STUPID. I'm sorry but I'm not gonna be all politically correct about this. Anyone who answered yes to any of those questions is STUPID. STUPID AND WRONG.  For anyone out there who's a little bit confused....

RAPE IS NEVER OKAY. 

No matter what. No matter who long you've been dating, no matter how much money he spent, no matter what her level of sobriety, no matter what he's seen of her or done with her, no matter what mixed signals he's gotten, NO MATTER WHAT. It's not okay to force sex on a woman who does not want it.  And let's just stop and examine two of the conditions up there:  a) He is so turned on he thinks he can't stop. b) She gets him excited sexually. 

Ohmygoodness. MAN UP. Newsflash: Guys get turned on all the time. It's not exactly a novel thing. Guys can get turned on for no apparent reason. 

As a guy, are you seriously gonna try and tell me that you couldn't help it?  (This is where it gets graphic) ...That your dick was hard so you just HAD to ram it inside of her? That's bullshit! (I get vulgar when I get angry).  Oh, you were horny. Oh you poor baby. My heart bleeds for you, it really does.  MAN UP.

You're not an animal. You're not a robot. You don't HAVE to do everything your body wants you to. As a human, you SHOULD have morals. And you are able to reason and make choices. If you know that rape is ALWAYS WRONG (which it is) then you CAN walk away. You are not so weak that you are helpless against the primitive desires of your flesh.  So when I hear someone say something like "he's so turned on he thinks he can't stop" or "she gets him excited sexually", you know what I think? I think that "he" is a cowardly, lazy, spineless, weak, pathetic BOY. Because any man who cannot master his body and decide to respect women despite his physical urges is no man at all. 

On the nature of love.

You know how people say that love is powerful? I'm not sure if this is gonna sound really hippy-ish but I wanna talk about love. Love is absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most powerful force in existence. This is real love I'm talking about now. Love that *chooses* to be committed to someone despite circumstances, despite emotions, despite personal desires, and despite any mistakes that someone might have made, and any flaws that someone might have. Love that means putting someone else before yourself. I saw the movie Frozen, and *spoiler alert*, the central conflict was thawing Anna's frozen heart, a feat which only true love can accomplish. I greatly appreciated the fact that Anna's heart was thawed not by "true love's kiss" but by her own self sacrifice to save her sister's life. THAT, my friends, is an accurate portrayal of true love. Love is the force that conquers hate and conquers fear and conquers apathy. It is the force that connects and binds all of humankind to one another. It is the force that heals the broken and saves the lost. Love offers truth even when it's hard and grace even when it's harder. Love will never ever ever ever ever ever give up. Love is divine. Love is the closest that humans can get to Godliness. Because God Himself is Love. His essence is entirely love. All love is from Him and is of Him. Any person who has the ability to love someone else can only do so by the power of God and the spirit and soul that God has placed within us. Your love is a piece of God in your life. As long as you know love, you know God. God is great and mighty and all-powerful and vast and crazy amazing and the human mind cannot possible fathom Him, BUT the closest you will ever get to understanding Him is simply to love. Therefore, love is NOT simply warm fuzzy feelings and cute romcoms and sad country music. It's not even an emotion or a relationship. It is a supernatural force. It is the essence of God! Never underestimate the power of God's love for you. It is fierce and it is all-consuming and it is all-encompassing and it conquers every single other thing in all of existence. Never forget that. Never underestimate the power of your love for the people around you. The best thing you can do for this world is to love yourself and to love others, because when we each begin to do that, then this world will know true peace and true joy.

Do you think there are any situations in which abortions are an acceptable option?

So someone asked a veerrryy similar question to this one, so I sort of answered it already, but I’ll talk a leeetle bit more. To be brief: For me, personally, um…no. Haha I know that’s super blunt and you might wonder how I can answer so definitively. I can answer confidently, unequivocally “no” because my personal view of the subject is that abortion is murder, and I don’t murder. Ergo, I would not be able to kill the child inside of me (hypothetically). People think different things and make different decisions based on what they think. Someone might read this and say “Katherine, you’re WRONG.” Okay, well, if you think something other than what I think, obviously you’re gonna make different decisions than me, right? :P SO, because of that, I am literally incapable of  telling any other person on the planet what is acceptable for them. I know what is acceptable for me, based on my opinions and beliefs, but I don’t know everyone else’s opinions and beliefs. And I know that there are soooo many complicated, complex situations that could possibly arise out there in this big messed up world. But I do know, that for me, abortion is never an option. I personally believe that in an situation, God is able to help me out if I don’t know what to do (Because if you believe that God exists, you have to believe that He is big enough to handle your problems, and to do the impossible). So…yeah. There you go, my very black and white beliefs, haha :PPeace and love! -Katherine 

Prayer - July 17

I'm a broken record. I spit the same words out at you. Over and over and over. By now they've lost all meaning, even to me. I'm stuck on the same part of the song. I'm singing you the same refrain again and again, but it's getting tired. "I'm sorry for letting myself grow cold. I'm gonna make a commitment to do better." How many times have I been "saved"? How many times have I prayed the prayer of repentance? How many times have I recommitted my life to you? Did I ever really mean it? I'm lukewarm water. Unfit for drinking, unfit for cooking, unfit for anything. I'm stagnant and disgusting. There are dust particles and all sorts of nasty bacteria collecting in this water. No wonder it make you gag. Maybe the worst possible fate I could think of - making Jesus gag. God, I don't want to make you gag. I know that I'm lukewarm because my life has become all about doing everything "right" and being "perfect" and "having it all together". My all-consuming passion is keeping that pathetic insecurity at bay by trying to fit all the roles I think I'm supposed to fit. But you've called me to something so much more. You've called me to break the mold. I know that your plans for me are so much above and beyond anything I could imagine. I know that you can take my life and turn it upside down and inside out and make something crazy amazing with it. So why am I so happy with my average, nice, white-picket-fence existence right now? Here's my life, jesus. Maybe this is the first time I've ever given it to you. Here are my fears and insecurities. Here are my dreams. Here are my plans. Here's my time. Here's my money. Here are my talents. Here are my passions. Here are my skills. Here's my past. Here's my present. Here's my future. Take it all. Love, me.

My Testimony

My testimony is, simply put, the story of how I became a Christian and what God has done in my life. When I was five years old, I decided that I wanted to have a relationship with Christ so I prayed with my mom and invited God to become a part of my life. Ever since then I’ve had a relationship with God, and I’ve tried to live every day as He would want me to live. That was 12 years ago and I’m so thankful that 5-year-old me made that choice. God has taught me some amazing truths over the years.

No matter what I’m going through, He is always there for me. Whether it’s conflicts with my friends or worries about the future, I can talk about it to him and I’m not worried about it anymore. As a result, I’m a pretty happy person most of the time because I don’t have all these trivial little cares weighing me down.

One of the most amazing things I’ve learned sounds very simple but is actually mind-blowing: God loves me. The creator of the universe…loves me. The one who made the sun and the stars loves me! He knows me. He knows everything about me, and He still loves me! I feel so special, so important, so loved.

I know that God has a plan for my life and that He is going to use me to do amazing things. I am living every day according to the purpose He has given me. I don’t have to live to please people, I don’t have to be popular, I don’t have to fit in because my significance is in Christ.

I can tell you that I am a teenager who is happy, secure, confident, and I have significance and purpose. I don’t need drugs or alcohol or sex to make me feel alive or fulfilled. A teenager who can say that is so rare in today’s society. And it’s all because I have God!

I am so thankful that God has given me people in my life who have taught me these wonderful truths, and now I want to tell others about them because they’ve made such a great difference in my life.

For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son to die for your mean neighbor and your crazy roommate and the picketing bigot and the racist blogger and your gay friend and all the politicians and our crazy parents and the pastor down the street and the uptight religious folk and the girl at work you can’t stand, because Jesus didn’t just die for the people you like, but for people like you and me.

Why I Hate Religion, but Love Jesus