Me Enjoying An Aftg Fic But Then Andrew Says “please”: 🤨😟

(don’t repost)

“You are a pipe dream.” - Nora Sakavic, The King’s Men

I fully believe Neil sent this to the foxes post Baltimore

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ ANDREW POV

We all know that Neil has two smiles, his "Neil-smile" and his "Nathaniel-smile". I went through the books to see how many times Neil actually smiles, because god knows it's not that many.

His "Nathaniel-smile" pops up a few times, usually when he's around Riko, threatening someone, or daydreaming about his father's gruesome death.

"Are you threatening a federal agent?" Nathaniel smiled so hard his burns ached. "I wouldn't dare."

He smiles his normal or "Neil-smile" a total of eight times through the series. Never in the first book, twice in the second, and six times in the third. Out of these eight, four were towards Andrew, one to Kevin, one to Wymack, one to Nicky, and one to Matt.

Nicky subsided with a lightning-quick grin in Neil's direction. Neil managed a small smile back.

The original point of this post was that Neil really doesn't smile or laugh or anything as much as he does in fanfictions and stuff. Andrew and Neil are not a grumpyxsunshine trope, Neil is not the light to Andrew's darkness, they're both massively fucked up and Neil does his crazy serial killer smile more often than his regular one.

He couldn't sleep, but at least he could daydream his father's death over and over again. That was almost enough to make him smile, and eventually it thawed the chill from his veins.

Anyways, that 𝘸𝘢𝘴 the original point of the post, but now I'm stuck thinking about how cute it is that he literally smiles only eight times throughout the entire series, and 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳 of them are to Andrew. It's so fucking cute, especially when you consider the circumstances of the rest of them.

Andrew, who for once hadn't wasted their time denying that this thing between them might actually mean something to both of them. Neil hadn't even noticed the silence at first, too distracted by his dizzying thoughts. Now he couldn't help but smile and pull Andrew in.

He shares a tired smile with Kevin after the first Raven match. He smiles when Wymack picks up the phone when he calls him after he comes back from Evermore. He returns Nicky's grin with a small smile to reassure himself when Riko comes to watch their match against the Longhorns. And he gives Matt a tight smile during the final match against the Ravens.

"Neil?" All the gruff posturing left Wymack's voice; that sharp edge was all alarm. "Are you all right?" Neil smiled. It felt like it tore his face open. "No. No, I'm not. I know it's kind of sudden, but can you come get me? I'm at the airport."

With Andrew, basically every single time is directly 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 of him. Those smiles are some of the only times he actually feels or shows genuine pleasure or happiness, and I just think that's so cute.

It wasn't funny—none of this was—but that response was so obnoxious and so typically Andrew that Neil couldn't help but smile.

Technically he does smile a ninth time, at all of the Foxes, but since that was immediately after and because of Riko's death, I'm tempted to classify it as a "Nathaniel-smile" lmao.

Neil looked from one tired face to the next, soaking them in, reveling in everything they'd accomplished tonight and imagining how they'd react when they heard the news tomorrow. "What's so funny?" Nicky asked when he spotted Neil in the doorway. Neil hadn't realized he was smiling. "Life?"

(Also the word smile no longer feels like a word to me now. I never realised how often Renee smiled until I had to go through every single time any character smiled in the books)

Primarily hearing from Neil via the press in tgr really makes the og aftg trilogy make so much more sense because I think sometimes from Neil “unreliable narrator” josten’s pov he leads you to believe he’s like an innocent little lad just doing what must be done but when you see him from an outsider pov you’re like oh. Jean is actually right, this guy is kind of a cunty little gremlin freak who causes chaos wherever he goes

my roman empire is that if clarke had gone back up to space in season 5 instead of echo, her and bellamy would’ve realised how in love they were and ended up together.

so jean likes grabbing people's chins to get them to listen right? so you can't convince me he and kevin didn't argue all the time and jean didn't grab his chin and make him look at him and they didn't stand there chests heaving with suppressed rage, all up in each others spaces, kevin's eyes flicking down to jean's mouth, then pushing him off bc he wants to kiss him so bad and it makes him look stooopid

I was yesterday years old when I found out that moreau is pronounced mo-ho

Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows

In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.

If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.

So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.

I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?

However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.

Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)

And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.

Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.

It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.

Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?

While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:

She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.

You see where I'm going with this.

When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:

And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD

When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.

MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS

No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.

And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:

Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!

The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.

And, uh

Yeah.

I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.

But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.

Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:

But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.

There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.

After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:

"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.

Kind of like another bird in this show: