This Is How I Would Like To Exist Pls And Thanks

WHY IS THE THIRD ONE ME BUT FOR FLOWERS AND PLANTS

I DIDN’T ASK TO BE CALLED OUT ON A WEDNESDAY

I still can’t believe I saw someone try and put fucking pine down for a bald cypress though, I wanted to throw hands. NOT EVEN IN THE SAME GENUS BRO.

Absolutely.

Your marriage premium package? Revoked. Sorry sir. The cunt counter is closed for the next four years. Should’ve voted for Harris.

Here’s an idea: Instead of just not having sex with them, you could just divorce or breakup with them and realize you are worthy of being in a relationship with someone who not only values your life, but also who has enough brain matter to prepare for the future, and not just vote on party lines like a stupid bastard.

Impala!!! These guys are cool. I’ve seen one fight till the bitter end, guts hanging out and all, because their adrenal glands are like next level OP. They can run up to 60mph and jump up to 9ft in the air.

They’re so majestic and I love them.

reblog this post with a cool animal species lets make a wholesome thread

Especially in Florida. We have them. But their range has shrunk so small that it’s rare you even see them. I’ve only ever seen them in the Everglades. They need decaying grasses and wet leaves. Leave them be. They’re marvelous

fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk

Hmmm I have a few, but some aren’t original. It do be like that. I’ll share anyways just in case.

Miles will never admit it, certainly not to Phoenix or anyone else, but I think he gets baby fever. Like terribly. He sees the little socks and shoes and gloves when they go out to the store, and he fucking melts, like a bowl of ice cream in a house fire.

Conversely, to build on your idea, Phoenix has mixed emotions when it comes to babies because he’s constantly scared he’s going to hurt them, and they cannot communicate that, so he just. Panics. About. Everything. He does think they’re cute, but they freak him out because he feels like he’s a freight train and their fragile little beings made of tempered glass that can shatter at a moments notice.

Phoenix I also imagine is built like a tank. He’s got big ass hands and forearms. Good mix of muscle to fat. (Especially post 7 year gap. I feel like he got to be a bit scrappy and gained some muscularity as a result.) He has those thiccc dad bod abs going for him, so he’s got just the perfect amount of chubby to be the perfect pillow. So if they’re snuggling or trying to watch something, whatever have you, the minute miles relaxes, Phoenix becomes a pillow, cause his bf overworks himself and never gets enough sleep.

Because Phoenix is built like a tank, he withstands a lot of injuries. Perhaps more than he should really be able to.

Which is good because, due to his broad build, he’s like a bull in a china shop. Constantly. He trips over his own feet, he runs into shit, the whole nine yards. It’s not bad luck. He’s clumsy as fuck. Which is why also, Phoenix CANNOT dance.

Miles thinks it’s hilarious to watch Pheonix try though.

However, despite his big ol man hands and clumsiness Phoenix can be such a perfectionist when it comes to details, especially art and music. And he’s delicate about the way he handles his art supplies. (To be honest, imagining this big ol man holding a tiny little stick of graphite like he’s trying to perform brain surgery, and succeeding is hilarious to me). But he’s private about his talents. Doesn’t like to show off. He hides his sketchbooks and only really sings when he’s drunk off his ass or by himself. He gets super embarrassed despite being really good at music and art.

Miles still finds his sketchbooks and flips through them anyways because he’s proud of his talented himbo bf and loves his art, and gets starstruck when he hears this fucking unit of a man hitting a whistle note while belting his current favorite songs and washing the dishes fucking flawlessly like he’s performing on broadway.

What Phoenix doesn’t know is that quiet sweet and low baritone that he thinks is from his phone whenever he’s singing, is his boyfriend quietly duetting with him from the other room, because miles has a decent voice himself, and can’t help himself when his partner sounds like a damn popstar just doing chores. Phoenix is almost always too engrossed to notice another voice has joined the chorus.

Speaking of, being terrible at piano was 100% him playing it up. He’s actually really good, and was probably a part of choir and orchestra in high-school, and did it for years. But that doesn’t make sense for a seedy restaurant with an underground poker ring he actively participates in for information. So he bluffed at being bad.

Despite his embarrassment about his penchant for art, phoenix often doodles little drawings of miles on his work documents when he gets bored.

Maya definitely takes photos and sends them to miles when Phoenix isn’t looking. Miles thinks it’s fucking adorable.

I love the concept that Pheonix has heterochromia iridium, but he puts in contacts to blend in better. I think he’s been doing it most of his life. I’d like to think he inherited heterochromia from his mom, who either had sectoral or centralized heterochromia herself.

I feel like miles is built really broad but is also really lean so Phoenix gets insecure about it sometimes because hawt damn supermodel looking ass build there miles, and miles has to have the “babe I’m Demi, other people couldn’t steal me from you if they tried” talk.

That being said miles is still weaker than Phoenix.

Phoenix could throw miles over his shoulder and parade him around if he wanted to.

Also, Phoenix is COVERED in scars. He just is. Miles thinks it’s hot tho.

I think that Phoenix’s hair is just like that, though he intentionally exaggerates the spikiness just cause he always has. He just has a bunch of wavy cowlicks that sweep back and flare up at the ends. The first time miles tries to get his hair to its “natural state” Phoenix has to explain that his hair is just like that. This baffles the shit outta miles.

Also, Miles is possessive. Mostly because his oblivious bf doesn’t realize that he turns a lot of heads too. Phoenix thinks miles gets the most attention, when it’s really rather equal. Also, it doesn’t help that Phoenix has the whole bakery on his backside from cycling everywhere. The extra attention makes miles hella jealous and possessive. Phoenix has no idea why but loves it anyways.

Despite Phoenix being a tank, he’s a lightweight (Asian glow babes, he has it). And a giggly, happy drunk.

Miles is a heavyweight, from living in Germany for so damn long, but when he gets drunk, he gets bold and does shit he definitely wouldn’t normally do. Like flirt. Aggressively. With his boyfriend. In public. Or absolutely kill it on the dance floor. Or sass people. You get the idea.

Larry and maya may or may not have some video blackmail of one drunk prosecutor from some random party he and Phoenix attended. They’ll never tell.

I don’t know why but I think Phoenix just likes frogs. I think the big ol eyes and the constant grumpy face they make reminds him of miles. Or he just thinks they’re cute. Either way. He loves em. Especially tree frogs. They’re his favorite.

Miles loves orchids. He’s always thought they’re beautiful and practical, since the blooms last for so long. And he can literally do nothing and ignore them, drown them in water once every one to two weeks, and they’ll put out huge blooms. It’s impressive, honestly. And utterly baffling to Phoenix how orchids are also the only plants miles can keep alive.

I have some nrmt headcanons for you to celebrate the occasion

Phoenix does most of the cooking at home. Miles is notoriously a very bad cook, but whenever he does make an attempt, Phoenix "Iron Stomach" Wright eats it anyway and tells him he loves it.

Conversely, Miles is a very good baker. His favorite part is laying out all the ingredients before he starts in a bunch of little ramekins

Whenever Miles is having a bad day at work, the first thing he does when he gets home is take off his shoes and his coat. Then, he silently bumbles around the house until he finds Phoenix, and then he lays down on top of him

Once, Phoenix borrowed a DVD using Miles' library card and lost it before he got home. It's been five months and he's looked for it every single day, and he's terrified to tell Miles it's missing + find out about the late fee

Miles found the DVD the day after Phoenix lost it. He turned it in on the day it was due and is waiting to see how long Phoenix will take to confess. He's wondering if it would be funny or cruel to stage his own arrest for excess library fees.

Apollo has a crush on Miles and, conversely, Klavier has a crush on Phoenix. None of them have any idea.

Despite the fact that Phoenix is good with children of any age, Miles is actually the better of the two at handling babies. This is primarily because most of Phoenix's kids get to him as Standing and Walking children

As most of Miles' nightmares faded after AA3, Phoenix actually started getting some of his own after the bridge and "the big reveal." Miles likes to comfort him by holding his head to his chest, running his fingers through his hair, and humming to him. It's very soothing for both of them

give me one of yours too! I love these guys hehe

Me

I should clarify that it’s me because I see them everywhere and don’t have the slightest fucking clue what’s going on

pov you’re on tumblr for halloween:

ALSO,

It my birfday :)

Happy new year to yall out there who celebrate! Be safe. Too many drunk accidents happen when people celebrate today.

Yknow you really don’t know how much your mental health impacts your physical health until you start seeing it fall apart under serious mental strain.

Just noticed the gums on a few of my teeth receding- like I’m pretty sure the bone is exposed (I’ve always had like, really little gum and giant ass teeth, part of why I do my best to take care of them), which doesn’t make sense because I kinda obsess over brushing and cleaning in-between them whenever I can remember to take time for myself (pretty much every morning and most nights because thank you ADHD and depression you really don’t need to get worse after a long day, but for some reason you do, but I do my best to maintain healthy habits so I don’t experience long term consequences from y’all’s shit, so suck my dick)

I don’t have cavities- haven’t in years, and my gums normally don’t bleed much if at all, but I guess I didn’t pay attention to my spit until this morning cause it was bloody as hell. So I took a look. And one of my lower teeth is just. The gum used to be there not long ago. It’s not there now!

So I panicked. Obviously. I spent too much money fixing my shit teeth genetics so that I could smile without breaking mirrors and I DID NOT go through hell with mouth devices in middle school to have my bottom teeth fall out under mysterious circumstances.

So I did a quick little read up on it online. Apparently stress is REALLY BAD for your gums. And teeth. And the bone surrounding your teeth. It can make you prone to infections and periodontitis, if not make you more vulnerable to developing it.

And for several months I have been under, like, some of the most SEVERE stress of my life ever because thank you shitty chemistry teacher and thank you gifted student complex that makes me judge my self worth through my grade point average, you’re both bastards and I hate you both for this.

My diet hasn’t changed too much, I’m too broke to be eating absurd amounts of junk food when my mom still insists on cooking for me. And my home-cooked meals still include vegetables and starches and meats, so pretty wholesome meals all in all. My oral hygiene, while sometimes spotty because mental health, hasn’t been consistently neglectful because I recently decided I wanted my teeth to not be stained Brit yellow as a tea drinker, so I bought an expensive whitening tooth paste (with fluoride of course), and in order for it to work and continue working I need to brush consistently obviously, so that’s been motivating me to brush and I’ve seen it help. My gums are a healthy pale pink, not bloody red or swollen.

I even have one of those pick and mirror kits you can buy at the store that I use to check my teeth out and for missed or suspicious spots. Listen, ok, I had one of those telescoping rods installed in my mouth in middle school, a power chain, wedges, and rubber bands. My mouth was torn to fucking hell to fix my teeth and not have them fall out because they were fighting for space (because they were massive and I also had to have them shaved down just to fit in my mouth. By like a lot. A lot a lot). And I’m not doing that shit ever again. Like NEVER EVER. I had a permanent retainer installed on my lower teeth (haven’t broken it yet) and I wear my upper retainer at least once a week (again forgetfulness is worse when I’m exhausted and I wear it at night. Still trying to build that healthy habit, and it still fits even if a little snug sometimes. It’s still Better than never wearing it.)

But they’re receding on a few of my teeth and that’s a recent development because during my last dentist appointment my dentist said I was looking great, just to keep an eye on a potential problem area we’ve been watching over the years, but I’ve had no issues with it so far. That problem area WAS NOT my gums, or my gums attempting to evacuate existence. And I have had a little sensitivity to temperature but I assumed “well whitening toothpaste duh”. Now I’m starting to suspect it’s because my stress levels are causing my body to not function correctly and that’s affecting me physically. I’ve had more evidence for this theory but I’ve been dismissing it aside from this, including heart palpitations, trouble sleeping, a grey hair (I’m deadly serious unfortunately), stomach issues, menstrual irregularity even on BC, consistently elevated heart rate, and other issues. Mostly because honestly I don’t know of ways to manage this kind of stress in the context of adult life when nobody has time for themselves anymore between working and school.

This is the stuff people don’t talk about when it comes to stress. It’s always this intangible concept when talked about; but it’s not. It’s a physical manifestation and process in your body. You experience it, and it’s real even when you can’t feel or see it. And its impacts are really terrible for people’s health. But we don’t talk about those far reaching physical effects. We only talk about the emotional aspect of it, but it has an extremely physical impact on the body, and it can fucking kill you if not cause long-term harm.

I wish I knew how the fuck to make time for myself and fix this but I cannot manifest extra time for myself out of thin air, so I’ll just have to wait till things chill again and remember to do life at my own pace again.

Yknow this is why I got embarrassed when I played with the doors open. Sorry, I know you’d look at me weird if you saw a little girl about to hang a traitorous stuffed dog for his many war crimes with a string of cheap marti gras beads in front of the doorway with an audience, authority figures, last words rites, and all. I’ve built a society with birth, death, tragedy, relief, societial expectations, rituals, and traditions.

You wouldn’t be able to keep up. To you it’d just look weird. To me, it is the most invigorating story and I’m having a fucking blast.

Then of course they came back from the dead and have a revenge arc, because they were a wrongful convict.

Suck it, loser. I’m having fun.

(There was also this one time I made literal armor for my stuffed elephant out of ball bearings and magnets because I was obsessed with them as a kid. I was gonna make them go to war. Then the magnets collapsed in on eachother and were nearly impossible to remove because of the shear number of magnets I used. I could barely lift it to get my parents to help me. )

i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”

I felt that queen

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean