Deluded-wanderer - Deluded Wanderings

i don’t think people understand that people can ‘love’ you and not actually love you

like my grandmother ‘loved’ me, but she also was always trying to change me.  she tried to take me away from my (catholic bisexual) mother.  she made me wear dresses when i was there.  she always tried to get me to go to church and was always asking me if i was dating a boy yet

i spent years feeling guilty that i wasn’t what she wanted me to be until my mom told me one day “she never bothered to know the real you”

and it’s true.  any time i tried to show her something about myself, even cook for her, it would be dismissed, and a replacement would be offered.  even northern food was somehow a sin.  

she loved me what she thought i should be, she never loved me.  

bc people who love you, they love you for all the stuff that makes you you.  they never consider that it makes you inconvenient.

Wonderful metaphor.

Speaking of ENP reacting quickly to information is that more of an ENP thing or would the other extroverts do this as well? Recently my mother made the observation that I absorb information so fast she doesn’t know how I do it . I react first and sort it out later. She sorts it out then reacts generally speaking. Is that extrovert vs introvert?

All the extroverts react faster than the introverts, according to their dominant function -- either with absorbing information (EP) or judging it (EJ) -- because there is no “self-blockage” / isolation from the flow of the outer world. Think of it as standing in the middle of the river and feeling it wash over you (E), as opposed to standing on the shore and staring at it (I).

- ENFP Mod

there’s a popular post on tumblr that says INTJs have two “modes”: one that has no qualms using social masks to achieve goals and one that doesn’t see a reason to be anything but honest.

1. how does having a social mask that goes against their true values affect low Fi types?

2. these “modes” are present for all types, aren’t they?

Sounds like “This INTJ is an Enneagram 3″ vs “every other INTJ.” ;)

Healthy TJs typically have strong beliefs based in a few areas (things of personal importance to them that they work hard toward) but high Te knows you get more flies with honey than vinegar. To succeed in business, for example, being likable, presenting oneself as competent, and proving self worth through reliability and the ability to work with people is how you earn their respect and cooperation. That is earnest, sincere, pragmatic, and not a “mask.”

3s on the other hand can “adapt” to be whatever the situation requires of them – for example, keeping their mouth shut on something when they know to bring it up in their current group would cause unnecessary friction and prevent them from accomplishing a goal, or that it might prevent them from GETTING the job they want. (IE, not supporting 100% everything a business, individual, church, group, etc represents, but being able to “appear” in such a form that they assume you are “one of them” without being one of them.) But even 3-core INTJs do have something they believe in and are working toward.

So… yeah, on this issue I’d say 3-core/fixed vs. not-3-core/fixed (non-adaptable) is the factor. And yeah, the same goes for every other type.

- ENFP Mod

Ducks!

“Think of it this way, success is fine while failure is also acceptable.”

— Yan Bi Xiao Sheng, [Li Qiye] Emperor’s Domination