I Don't Think You Get Just How Much I Need A Back. I Needy My Lover Back.. I Need Him To Come Back. I

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

i come back after a fucking week and no "what happens "are you okay" or anything from him. fucking bullshit. maybe I should leave again. I'm so tired, upset with everything and everyone. I don't know why I bother with anything.

debating to post on my art blog but it's sh art. like, I dunno man, some irl's follow that account.

great im sick.

and it wasn't just a slow build. its like I got hit by a fucking semi today and immediately I'm sick with a ruined throat.

My ideal body is covered in scars but apparently that’s not an acceptable body goal

Screaming at the top of my lungs

"I fucking deserve this"

"Baby was it worth it?"

Guess I wasn't worth shit

why are we okay recently. well, not okay, but neutral. I'm not overly suicidal or depressed or anything like normal, but just rather nothing, numb, if anything. and I kinda hate it. makes the invalid feeling feel stronger.

best 30-40 ish minutes of this week

i just spent exploring the third floor of my old 4-5k building with my friend cause she needed props for a film class and I wanted to be useful

it genuinely looks like a abandoned school/warehouse on that floor and I love it

photos undercut because why not

(after they shut the floor down, it was used as a haunted house for a short time, now it's just storage)

well, mom now knows about the scars on my upper arm (which are deep styros and barely baby beans) and oh yay.

she seems these as "too far" (she thinks some should've had stitches. like no? they weren't deep enough for that)

i had to explain to her that I don't care how this affects others (like, you're not being physically cut into so like, why should it matter how it affects you? emotionally? try again, I don't care about that)

I had to "promise" not to do that deep again (I will) <-but will have to be careful because I dont want to be strip-searched.

downside, I have some deep ones on my forearm and near wrist that she doesn't know (that might cause a strip-search if she sees those, which fucks me over because my thighs are the worst place)

"when did you become such an ungrateful little urchin." "i did not teach my child to be this cruel to their mother"

i dunno. maybe when I became sick, wanna die on a daily, and started hating you and everyone else

just a possibility