Mind Is Being Vaguely Religious Again

great im sick.

and it wasn't just a slow build. its like I got hit by a fucking semi today and immediately I'm sick with a ruined throat.

we are all born to die right? so is it wrong of me to speed up the process?

“Made my bed

cleared my head

closed my eyes

let me rest

fuck the help!

fuck my friends!

fuck my life!

let me end!”

i don't wanna speak, I don't wanna do any form of communication, I don't wanna type or write, I don't wanna talk. i don't wanna move. i don't wanna do anything.

again.

again.

again.

i just want to not exist, just wanna lay and rot, just wanna die.

my head hurts (from being sick) and is also telling me to do certain things

i know for a fact, no one else at my school listens to him or even heard of him.

which makes me happier, I can finally have something that's mine

they can't take that away too. they can't take my only comfort away like everything else has.

I need to stop going deep on my arm, its gonna bite me back in summer

shut the fuck up just shut the fuck up

i hate you, I hate you all

i don't think you get just how much I need A back. i needy my lover back.. I need him to come back. i need to feel okay again. i need him.

i can't get you to understand a single bit. so why bother trying, why dont I just leave again, and not temporarily this time.