Captain Cold Explains The Flashes

Do you think Tim holds things over his brothers' heads whenever he wants something?

Dick- Aw, there's only one piece of pizza left

Tim- Mine

Dick- Or, we could split it

Tim- Or, it's mine

Dick- You know, sharing is caring, Tim

Tim- You know what else is caring?

Dick- Hm?

Tim- Not gaslighting your sibling into thinking he's insane

Dick- ...

Tim- Not taking Robin from him

Dick- O-okay

Tim- Trusting that he's been right about enough things in the past that maybe, just maybe, he's right about your father being alive-,

Dick- You can have the pizza, dude. Jeez

Yyyyy

Jason, seeing Tim laying across the entire sofa he wanted to read on- You can either move or be sat on, little man

Tim, not even looking up- Today is not the day. I fucking dare you to try me

Jason- Tim, move. I am bigger than you. I am stronger than you. I will crush you

Tim- Bigger, maybe.

Jason- Tim-,

Tim, locking eyes with Jason- How long did you last with Joker? Half hour?

Jason- Excuse me?

Tim, holding up three fingers- I dealt with Joker AND Harley. For three WEEKS. And survived

Jason- o.o???

Tim, getting cozy again- Get on my level, bitch

Yyyyy

Damian- You're delusional if you think you can beat me, Drake. I was trained by the best of the best!

Tim- The best of the best?

Damian- That's right!

Tim- When's the last time you checked on those 'best of the best' teachers of yours?

Damian- What are you talking about?

Tim- I'm talking about the fact that you might have been trained by them

Tim, leaning down to Damian's level- But I took them out

Damian- Wh-what??

Tim- Still want to spar?

Hey there! So yeah more ideas I guess lol!

*In High School*

Dick: The pretty student council president who’s dating the hot captain of the track team.

Jason: The insanely hot ass bad boy who’s dating the even hotter captain of the archery club.

Tim: The introverted coffee addicted shy boy who’s dating the extroverted punk rock jock.

Damian: The walking definition of Satan’s spawn who’s dating the adorably bubbly country boy.

Barbara: The drop dead gorgeous genius who’s dating the schools newspaper’s editor in chief.

Stephanie: The bad ass cheerleader who can kick ass if she wants cuz she’s more then just a pretty face.

Cassandra: The rebel teachers fear her students wanna be her really she just vibing and gives no fucks.

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a collection

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

Not an attack on my American friends, but only stating the quality

Roy Harper: *recording* so someone told me non-binary people don't exist but I found this in my closet

Jason Todd Currently in Roys Closet: I LIke bread

Dick: Hey Jay- wait… um… is that your death certificate as your computer background.

Jason: Yea, wait it gets better.

Jason: *flips to next background to a picture of him crouching next to his headstone*

Price doing those embarrassingly gritty, try-hard ThruDark adverts for a bit of extra cash, which is all fine because most of it is faceless with voice overs, and then he happens to do the Price Toe Bounce™ at the end of one, and Ghost is in his office the next morning after it appears on his Instagram feed.

He places his phone down before his captain, hands flat on the desk, staring at Price as he watches the advert. With the exclusion of Laswell and Nikolai, no other man alive would spot the flicker over Price's face as he realises he's been made. Ghost smirks beneath his bally when he sees it.

"What'll it take?" Price asks, opening negotiations.

"Bottle of bourbon, wearin' Man City colours next game day and first dibs on the next kit haul."

"Ask me for a sexual favour, be less humiliatin'."

"Well, I can always send this t' Johnny, whole base'll have it by evenin' debrief."

"Fine, terms agreed. Out."

Ghost picks up his phone and hesitates. "That sexual favour still on th--?"

"Get the fuck out my office, lieutenant."

"Sir."

Very few people get to hear genuine amusement in Simon's voice. Price is one of those few.

I like to imagine hosea and dutchs reunion in the afterlife is like marty and alex’s reunion in madagascar where they run to each other both seemingly excited but then dutch realises hosea looks kinda pissed and hosea just starts chasing him trying to beat the shit out of his stupid husband for what he did to their sons

Old and retired og pricesoap but Price falls prey to Alzheimer’s and he is in Soap’s care. Price often forgets who Soap is so he has to point out their wedding bands as proof of them being husbands. Price always stares in disbelief, having a hard time imagining himself brave enough to be married to a man. His younger self used to struggle a lot with sexuality.

When the name John MacTavish doesn’t ring a bell, the Scot hopes that the name Soap might help joggle the old man’s memory. Price huffs. “Soap? What kind of name is Soap anyways?” The answer brings tears to Soap's eyes. Maybe the man before him hasn’t actually changed much.

The daughter they have adopted together visits often and tries to help in any way. But Soap hates to burden her youth by caring for old people.

But it’s all worth it for the small moments of clarity. “I will always remember you… No matter how many times I forget. I love you.” Price says. “The moment I won’t be able to do so, put me down. That’s not me anymore, love.”

As the disease progresses, dementia sets in and the tantrums become more frequent, to the point that it breaks Soap’s spirit. They had a good thing. Thirty happy years after the end of the war together. But there is not much to do now. Price always hated feeling helpless. His doctors approve the use of assisted suicide.

The moment I won’t be able to remember you, put me down. That’s not me anymore, love.