I Completely Changed The Way I Present Myself In Regards To My Name And My Pronouns And I Guess It’s

When my friends point out my binge eating disorder symptoms

The Faerie Aesthetic

soft dresses in earthy tones, perhaps slightly worn at the edges

little scratches and cuts below your knees from thistles and brambles

hair loose and uninhibited, tousled slightly by the wind

hopping across stones over babbling brooks

running barefoot through grass and woodland

collecting wildflowers in a little straw basket

quietly humming and singing nonsensical rhymes

making daisy chains

rosy cheeks, pink lips and big eyes

flowers in hair and ribbons around wrists and ankles

laughing childishly, unprovoked and unrestrained

making small jam sandwiches cut into triangles, and eating them in picnics in the woods

dancing freely, twirling and laughing and stumbling without thought

secrets and mischief 

Im doing all of these at the same time starting tonight, I'll post results as I go. If you want to join lmk!!

I need to get out of this binge mindset fast. I'm currently off school for the week and usually I use that as excuse to pig out because "I need to eat because my parents will get suspicious". Well, not this time. I've been regularly binging for most of February and I'm doing a hard reset to get out of it.

What that means;

No weighing myself for three days. Every time I do a hard reset I refuse to weigh myself because it only makes it worse. Whether those numbers are good or bad I will somehow find a way to use it as an excuse to binge so really it's easier to hold off.

No snacks. I'm gonna engage every coping mechanism I can and go cold turkey on snacks for this week.

No chocolate bars/ice cream/dessert. I've done this before and it went fine so I can do it again.

No eating at all unless I have to. If my parents are forcing me to stay down and have dinner with them then fine, but when I'm home alone and suddenly decide I should make a sandwich and brownies and whatever fucking else, I need to stop myself.

Slowly start exercising again. If I'm fasting a lot I don't have to do much but I need to get back into a sustainable routine, which means at least 10 minutes a day.

NO LIQUID CALORIES. That means coffee with sugar, hot chocolate and alcohol. If I do I'll be consuming liquid calories (since I know I'm going out to a party where there will be drinks and I refuse to be left out) I won't eat all morning and will have only light snacks at night to stop me from getting sick.

Stay busy!! I've been spending a lot of time lying on my bed watch It's always sunny on Netflix. Instead I'll put my tablet where I can see it or cast it to my TV and watch it while cleaning my room. It burns calories and stops me from thinking about food.

Set up some sort of skin care routine cause my acne hasn't been this bad since I was 14 and I need to get it under control. This one isn't really ed related but I think my acne is partially caused by all the shit I've been eating, plus self care helps me stay on track.

Set up my plan for March. Yeah every month I go "this is gonna be my month" and it never is but I really think March will be different because I'm gonna set up a concrete plan. Rather than just going "urgh I won't binge this month" or "I'll start exercising this month" I'm actively writing down safe food lists, coping mechanisms to stop me binging, my favourite quick workouts, motivational messages, ANYTHING I can that will help me. I'm gonna do that 30 day thinspo challenge. I'm gonna set reminders to update my journals. I'm gonna get myself back together. Around march time last year was when I first got into this mess and when I first started dropping weight. So this March, I'm getting back into it. I'm fixing this mess.

These are just my rules for the next 5-7 days while I try and get myself back together. Of course some stuff like my skin care and exercise will stick but once I get back to school the eating rules will have to change and of course I've gotta start weighing again eventually cause my body dismorphia means I can see NO progress by looking in a mirror so matter how many times my mum says my weight loss is obvious. But following these should help me fix myself up for the rest of February. And I don't expect March to go smoothly either; like I said, I think every month will be "my month" and it's not. But if March can be just a bit better than February and April can be a bit better than that, then in a couple months I'll be back to smooth sailing. By next year I'll have made real progress.

We stan the school's bathroom graffiti *the side says "not all women have periods"* let's see how long it takes for the school to paint over it.

Chocolate chip cookies ~super low cal~

¼ cup of flour all purpose

~ 110 cal

¼ cup of brown sugar

~70 cal

¼ cup of stevia

~0 cal

¼ cup of butter flavored cooking spray

~0 cal

1 egg white

~17 cal

1 tablespoon of chocolate chips {dark or bittersweet chocolate chips should be less calories}

~70 cal

~bake at 350 for 8 to 10 minutes or until golden brown

~makes 8 cookie~

1 cookie is only 27 calories so if you eat the whole batch ( if you binge or something) its only 187 calories for all 8

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reminder !!

❤️ you are loved

💜 you are appreciated

💛 you are valid

💙 you are amazing

💓 you are wanted

💞 you are beautiful

💕 you are smart

💖 you deserve to be alive

💝 you deserve to eat

💘 you deserve to be loved

💗 people want you alive

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)