Here's A Fitting "Welp, Scott Is Back On His Bullshit Again" Moodboard For Tonight

I need to get out of this binge mindset fast. I'm currently off school for the week and usually I use that as excuse to pig out because "I need to eat because my parents will get suspicious". Well, not this time. I've been regularly binging for most of February and I'm doing a hard reset to get out of it.

What that means;

No weighing myself for three days. Every time I do a hard reset I refuse to weigh myself because it only makes it worse. Whether those numbers are good or bad I will somehow find a way to use it as an excuse to binge so really it's easier to hold off.

No snacks. I'm gonna engage every coping mechanism I can and go cold turkey on snacks for this week.

No chocolate bars/ice cream/dessert. I've done this before and it went fine so I can do it again.

No eating at all unless I have to. If my parents are forcing me to stay down and have dinner with them then fine, but when I'm home alone and suddenly decide I should make a sandwich and brownies and whatever fucking else, I need to stop myself.

Slowly start exercising again. If I'm fasting a lot I don't have to do much but I need to get back into a sustainable routine, which means at least 10 minutes a day.

NO LIQUID CALORIES. That means coffee with sugar, hot chocolate and alcohol. If I do I'll be consuming liquid calories (since I know I'm going out to a party where there will be drinks and I refuse to be left out) I won't eat all morning and will have only light snacks at night to stop me from getting sick.

Stay busy!! I've been spending a lot of time lying on my bed watch It's always sunny on Netflix. Instead I'll put my tablet where I can see it or cast it to my TV and watch it while cleaning my room. It burns calories and stops me from thinking about food.

Set up some sort of skin care routine cause my acne hasn't been this bad since I was 14 and I need to get it under control. This one isn't really ed related but I think my acne is partially caused by all the shit I've been eating, plus self care helps me stay on track.

Set up my plan for March. Yeah every month I go "this is gonna be my month" and it never is but I really think March will be different because I'm gonna set up a concrete plan. Rather than just going "urgh I won't binge this month" or "I'll start exercising this month" I'm actively writing down safe food lists, coping mechanisms to stop me binging, my favourite quick workouts, motivational messages, ANYTHING I can that will help me. I'm gonna do that 30 day thinspo challenge. I'm gonna set reminders to update my journals. I'm gonna get myself back together. Around march time last year was when I first got into this mess and when I first started dropping weight. So this March, I'm getting back into it. I'm fixing this mess.

These are just my rules for the next 5-7 days while I try and get myself back together. Of course some stuff like my skin care and exercise will stick but once I get back to school the eating rules will have to change and of course I've gotta start weighing again eventually cause my body dismorphia means I can see NO progress by looking in a mirror so matter how many times my mum says my weight loss is obvious. But following these should help me fix myself up for the rest of February. And I don't expect March to go smoothly either; like I said, I think every month will be "my month" and it's not. But if March can be just a bit better than February and April can be a bit better than that, then in a couple months I'll be back to smooth sailing. By next year I'll have made real progress.

Low cal ass binge killer

Lifehack. U can have 1 and 2/3 a cup of Gerbers puffs, + splenda + 1 cup of unsweetened cashew milk. And it comes up to 105 cal for what feels like a MASSIVE portion of sugary cereal. Great for killing cravings and making u super fill and satisfied.

Hey girls… just wanted to tell you… adult men will not understand you, you are being lied to. Adult men aren’t some refined people who are so very different from boys of your age or whatever and if an adult is interested in you romantically or whatever that’s a damn predator and you should stay away from them -_-

vibe check! *wraps my arms around your waist from behind and gently rests my head between your shoulder blades*

Skittles, Taste the Rainbow

you will succeed at every goal you’ve set for yourself, it just takes patience and consistency.

one of the most influential things i’ve learned in dbt is to change “but” into “and.” so instead of saying, “i know you feel that way, but i feel this way,” try saying, “i know you feel that way, and i feel this way.” by doing that, you are validating the other person’s opinions and emotions as well as viewing them as an equal.

Copy and paste this into ur notes and read it if you get cravings:

It’s never worth it. Imagine how much weight you’ve lost in the last few days. If you binge now that was all for nothing because you’ll gain it all back. Do it for cute clothes, shopping sprees, being happy Because food will never satisfy you. If you binge now, the urges will keep coming back. If you binge now, it will not be the last time. It’ll keep going on and on. Break the cycle. That full feeling is so much worse than feeling dizzy with hunger. Because control is power. Collarbones, thigh gap, flat stomach. Think of all the times you’ve binged, how it felt sitting up in the middle of the night. Don’t put yourself through that again. You can reach your GWs. It just takes a bit of control. It’s nearly summer. Still, plenty of time to get skinny. Do it for that belly button piercing to look hot as fuck. Imagine feeling comfortable in a bikini. You’ll never be comfortable in a bikini if you binge. Get thin to be able to fit into those old jeans. Just because you messed up yesterday, doesn’t mean you can’t do great today. Reach those GWs. You fucking deserve it after all this shit you’ve been though. In a week’s time you could be so much lighter. Do it so he can pick you up and say you’re light. Do it so people will worry again. Do it so your fucking period leaves you the hell alone again. Do it so you’re not afraid of going shopping and seeing mirrors. Do it so you can get your makeup done professionally and you’ll look perfect. Self control is so important, not just for weight loss. Practice now. For the before and after pictures. You’re gonna be the skinniest bitch you’ve ever seen. I promise. If you don’t binge. To wear white skinny jeans with a black sweater. To wear PINK workout clothes and just lounge around the house. To wear a sports bra and oversized trackies when working out. To wear triangl bikinis and feel like a model. So you won’t be called ‘heavy’ when picked up To proudly tell people your clothing size To have thighs that look small in anything So you won’t have to compare yourself to others in the changing room To look good in short shorts To have people ask you for diet tips To have people say you look like a model. So that you’ll begin to envy a model’s clothes, not her body To look sexy without trying To be able to change in front of friends Being able to sit on his lap and be picked up Having small thighs when sitting Look good with messy hair, just woken up. Looking in the mirror and seeing bones, not fat The feel of your ribs and hip bones sticking out Being cold all the time because you’re so thin and loving it Always looking good in heels Size 0 skinny jeans Looking small in baggy shirts with jeans Having visible collarbones Having a thigh gap Sitting in the middle of the car because you’re the smallest To enjoy concerts and get drunk and party and just live life Not having to worry about what people say behind your back because it doesn’t matter, nothing does because you’re thin To become someone else’s thinspo Binging is not fucking worth it, EVER, and it’s painful and it’s so fucking pointless. Why do you keep doing it? So that you can try on clothes without wanting to stay in the fitting room, curl up into a ball, and die. So that every and any photograph taken of you from any angle will look good. So that you won’t be the fattest girl out of all your friends. So that boys will think of you as girlfriend potential, not that funny girl who’s kind of chubby. So that all your old expensive clothes fit again So that you’re cheek bones will be fucking amazing again Because skinny girls can get away with, making any face, wearing any outfit, or having any hairstyle So that you don’t look like a messy slob with no self control So that you’re friends respect you So that you’re arm flab doesn’t spread out when you rest your arms on your side So that people whisper about how skinny you’ve gotten behind your back So that you when you sit, no matter what you’re wearing your stomach remains one flat perfect board So that you never have to worry about your disgusting love handles oozing over the edges of your too-tight pants So that you can rush out of the house in jeans and a t-shirt and look like a model So that you don’t look like a fat little kid anymore. So that you make your parents proud instead of being their fat-ass daughter without any self control So that you’re boyfriend will be proud to show your photo, or you off to his friends So that you can wake up in the morning without trying on a million and a half outfits and looking fat in each one So that your self control, your amazing discipline shines through for everyone to see. So that there is a space between your legs. So that the shorter the shorts, the better. So that you’ll be referred to as the pretty one So that you’re hip bones will hurt people when you hug them So that your shoulder blades are literally blades So that your ribs are always showing, not just when you stretch So that nobody even remembers that girl you used to be So that you’re delicate and graceful So that when people do see you eat they will not be thinking, “put down the fork fat ass” So that when you try on your friends clothes they’re too big So that being however weird crazy or out there you are is acceptable because you’ll look good doing it So that if god forbid someone finds out that you’re starving yourself they don’t say “really? But you don’t look anorexic” Because who wants a fat daughter, best friend, or girlfriend So that everything is finally perfect Remember how unhealthy you feel after a binge To be the carefree girl who lives life to the full To wake up tomorrow and weigh less To be tiny and delicate So people say you look like you’re about to break Because what’s the point of eating when you don’t need to? To be the skinny friend So when you sit down your thighs don’t spread out to the size of an ocean So you can be more confident To not have to worry about calories To love yourself