You Never Realize How Much 6 Pounds Of Something Really Is Until You Have To Pick Up 6 Pounds Of Banana

Thinking about the time I got attacked by crabs at the beach.

There’s something inherently romantic about being pictured together on a billboard for a law firm

damn. Severe bummer inDEED y'all

damn. Severe bummer

My wife: My beautiful wife! My amazing, brilliant, beautiful, perfect wife! I'd die for her. God she's perfect.

Me: dumbass (affectionate)

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone with a dysfunctional family! My your turkey be tender and your patience be steadfast

pov i ask you if you have any sheep to herd. you look back and i'm a border collie

wait, you're telling me that there are people who don't constantly overthink every single thing they do? Dang. Next you'll say there are people who don't lie awake at night and think about every cringey thing they've ever done

It's because you're always doing those damn ann bibs

I am a beast. I was born from other beasts, and I will die a beast. It’s in my nature, in my blood.

You are yours are creatures. Gentler hands, tender embraces. You took me into your nest, feeding me along with your own young. But it’s clear I will always be a beast. My paws dwarf yours. My movements are less graceful. My eyes carry something different. But you love me all the same. And I love you as my mother.

I am a beast, but I am your beast. Loyal to you and you alone.

I love living alone because I can laugh as loud as I want