No One Asked Me To Explain This But I Want To

James had gotten good at faking it. He’d gotten good at the soft touches, roving eyes, and deep kisses. He bought flowers and wrote poems and he got good at it.

He got good at faking it to Lily. He never thought he’d have to fake it with Lily.

He’d gotten so good it at that he almost forgot what attraction really felt like until he accidentally walked in on Sirius stepping out of the shower, wet hair hanging over his forehead.

And James was a good guy, so he told Lily, saying the words for the first time out loud: I’m gay.

It was the most agonizing thing he’d done in his life. After years and years of professing his love, convincing her to go out with him, just to turn around and tell her he never felt a thing at all when she finally loved him back.

What hurt too was that Lily was good. She was beautiful and kind and smart, and she forgave him. But James couldn’t forgive himself for letting that perfect life with her slip from under his grip. The picture perfect marriage like his parents had, the picture perfect kids he and Lily would have had. She would’ve made a great mother.

What hurt most was that he couldn’t confide in his best friend. He couldn’t. But how to keep a secret from someone you shared everything with? When that was the exact reason he couldn’t confide in Sirius; they’d shared everything: touches and hugs and beds and kisses. If he opened up about being gay then he’d have shared that with his best friend too, implicating all of their intimate moments.

James was in love with Lily Evans.

That was a fact of life. At least it was for James, and so it would remain for Sirius.

He’d tell Sirius that Lily dumped him, that she’d given him a chance, but found nothing to come of it. They’d go to a club, get drunk, then he’d make out with some random girl and it would all be okay.

Then Sirius offered they go to London’s number one gay club.

James was fucked.

Sirius had gotten good at faking it. He’d gotten good at the smiles and the flirting and the hinting at women sharing his bed. He mentioned the clubs and changed the pronouns and he got good at it.

He got good at lying to James. He’d never wanted to be good at lying to James.

He’d gotten so good at it that when James and Lily broke up and James needed an outlet to “let loose” that he’d turned to Sirius and asked where he normally went.

And, of course, Sirius had given the name of the only bar he could think of.

One he hadn’t been to in a year, which could be in his best interest now as hopefully none of his old hookups would be there. But still.

He’d very much given the name of a gay bar to newly singly James Potter.

He debated calling in help but Remus wouldn’t understand the urgency. Had never understood why Sirius didn’t go out with it and tell James he was gay. James would understand, Remus was certain. It wouldn’t change anything.

But Remus didn’t know about the countless practice kisses. The times they’d share beds to stave off the cold. Didn’t know that the only reason James couldn’t see Sirius’ feelings was that he’d never thought them possible.

Sirius was a womanizer.

He’d carefully made sure James knew that. Believed that.

Because otherwise, his friend might see. Might see the arms thrown over shoulders, the lingering hugs, the blushes, the smile he couldn’t control at hearing Lily had finally left him.

Things that a straight best friend might get away with. Things that a queer friend wouldn’t.

But then he’d gone and given James the name of London’s number one gay night club.

And he was fucked.

lesbian dating pool be like “shes best friends with a girl you dated (who you’re also still friends with, because of course) but shes also not over her long-distance ex-situationship” and were just supposed to live in these conditions????

coronabeth “i want to devote my whole life and soul and body to you; one flesh, one end and be your cav, because i’m in love with you and i choose you” tridentarius

judith “i must refuse you becuase i put honour and duty above all else and a cav-necro relationship is something holy to my values; i cannot be your necro because i love you” deuterous

also make me sick

harrowhark “my whole existence is the result of 200 dead children, i am the product of sacrifice and have to live with the guilt of that everyday. i am in love with a corpse and i puppet my dead parents around so i am not alone. i cannot take another loss” nonagesimus

gideon “i gave my life for you and you didnt even want it, even worse you refuse to accept it, wasting my sacrifice. you lobotomized yourself to forget everything i did for you—you refuse to embrace the life i have provided you over and over again, and now im stuck as a reanimated corpse” nav

and

coronabeth “i am sick with heartbreak and jealousy that you didnt murder and consume me, your other half, refusing to let me join you on your journey forwards, instead giving that honor to some dick they assigned us. I am dejected and maimed” tridentarius

ianthe “you are the last person i would kill—i would kill myself first without hesitation rather than lay a finger on you. i cannot live without you and i could not live myself if i was the one who removed you from this world” tridentarius

fuck. i love my own blog. it’s almost like it’s full of things i would post it’s crazy

the best genre of media is lesbians who cannibalize each other

im combining my two favourite lesbian-cannibal series:

the locked tomb x yellowjackets

necro (cav)

II: Mel (Gen)

III: Shauna (Jackie)

IV: Travis (Javi)

V: Nat (Mari)

VI: Taissa (Van)

VII: Akilah (Krystal/Kristen)

VIII: Misty (Ben)

IX: Lottie (Laura Lee)

Resurrection Beast: The Wilderness

Lyctors: necros who survive to see the adult timeline (save taivan who create a paul scenario)

i’m imagining voldemort’s reaction when he realized that (one of) the prophecy child was jily’s kid

that’s why he chose harry over neville, the man was afraid of what the potter’s kid would be like grown up

prophecy: a kid born in july will kill you

voldemort: uh huh sure, ill just smite the baby

prophecy: it’s james and lily’s kid

voldemort: oh FUCK

“And he came… first his head, then his body, tall and untidy-haired like Harry, the smoky shadowy form of James Potter blossomed from the end of Voldemort’s wand, fell to the ground, and straightened like his wife. He walked close to Harry, looking down at him, and spoke in the same distant, echoing voice as the others, but quietly, so that Voldemort, his face now livid with fear as his victims prowled around him, could not hear…”

-Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Priori Incantatem, pg. 667

plus sized lily, HUGE nosed James, and butt ugly wet rat remus plssss

BRO LET THE MARAUDERS CHARACTERS BE UGLY

I'm so serious about this plsss they cannot all possibly be conventionally attractive

Genuinely though most fanart of the marauders characters is like INSANELY different from what they look like in canon,, which in a lot of cases is fine like I think making the marauders cast more diverse is a lot more fun and less boring and uh yes I'm a fan but this means more than making them different races/ethnicities this means making them different body types and different facial features

Because even though we pride ourselves on making the fandom super diverse and shit we still make all the characters adhere to like eurocentric beauty standards, and the only characters that don't look like fucking super models are characters the fandom generally dislikes.

a lot of times fanart is the same exact button nose, more like white facial features and the only difference is that some characters are darker than others and MAYBE they'll have different hair textures.

Just because a character isn't attractive to you doesn't mean they're suddenly a bad character or objectively unattractive.

plssss can we start diversifying the marauders cast (also I'm not gonna like beat people up if they keep drawing all the characters the same like you choose how you engage in fandom I'm just personally tired of this)

fanon wolfstar: sirius felt soooo guilty about the prank that he went home and cried and non of the other marauders would talk to him for five months

canon wolfstar: sirius thought it was fucking funny and was plotting to do it again, remus was too much of a coward to say he didnt find it funny

The fact that Remus knows the reason Sirius did the prank is because he thought it was funny suggests that Sirius has actually laughed about the prank to Remus’ damn face

And like given Sirius reaction to Remus being all “a trick that involved me 😔” is to make a “derisive noise” at him

yeah that checks out

No, your Sirius turns into a flustered, stuttering mess. Mine shuts down and self isolates or gets mean. Mines better-