I Am Running On A Protein Bar, 2 Eggs, And Three Glasses Of Kool Aid And I Feel GREAT.

I keep seeing this picture and all I want to say is I hope he lets Leon drive him around.

AARON FUCKING TIVET IS IN AMERICAN HORROR STORIES AND I DIDN'T REALIZE IT UNTIL NOW

Alice Roosevelt would be a menace if she were a part of GenZ.

Think about it. She would be the first to be arrested in protests, get bailed out immediately and become an even bigger problem.

And she would actually be someone to bring attention to actual problems by discussing them at the White House.

I love her with all of my being and strive to be as big of a nuisance as she would want me to be.

So I'm training a service dog, who is named after the Circe Saga, and I'm trying to use unique words and phrases as commands.

I'm looking for EPIC inspired commands for barking on command, laying her front half on my lap when I'm on a chair, retrieving items, and anything else you can think of.

Full speed ahead - walk forward

Come inside - go through a doorway

Away we go - get out of the car

Circe, go to your palace - go to her dog bed

*hears the sound of feet skin smacking a tile floor come closer* *whispers* he's here

WHO???? WHOS HERE???

The little man has gotten out and is now stabbing my vagina.

It feels like there is a little man under my kneecaps trying to get out

Just accidentally swallowed a pea whole and saw my life flash before my eyes.

Incorrect og 6 quotes god I miss them

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Bruce: Natasha, i knight thee in the name of the father-

Steve: *waves*

Bruce: the son-

Thor: *dabs*

Bruce: and the unholy spirit

Tony: *screeching*

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Clint: i may be the worst out of the avengers but i still have the best ass

Steve: that’s not true

Clint: *starts sobbing* i know your ass is amazing

Steve: that’s not what i meant. your ass is great and i value you as a teammate-

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Thor: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Tony: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Clint: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

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Steve: Natasha, keep an eye on Tony today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Natasha: Sure, I’d love to see Tony get punched.

Steve: Try again.

Natasha, sighing: I will stop Tony from getting punched.

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Natasha: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Bruce: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Clint: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Thor: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Tony: My moral code, is that you?

Steve:

Natasha: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my sister left me but do you guys need a hug?

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Steve: You're a loose cannon, Tony.

Tony: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Natasha: I think you play by your own rules.

Thor: No way, he think rules were made to be broken.

Steve: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Tony: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Hulk is a loose cannon.

Hulk: *smashes a chair*

I wish that music artists released a karaoke version of their song. I guarantee that they would get so many views and would probably make them some money too.

Being in college is so weird. One day I'm a 1930's housewife and another I'm in a cemetery reciting poems about dead people.