Apparently A Lot Of People Get Dialogue Punctuation Wrong Despite Having An Otherwise Solid Grasp Of

I'll take her as my neighbor if you don't want her

For good luck

something something reader is a bartender at a popular little pub, and night after night you are hit on by men so plastered you often have to sigh and call over one of the guys you work with the idiots end up vomiting all over themselves (sometimes it’s worse than vomit but thankfully you can count those incidents on one hand)

you think by slipping on your grandmothers old wedding ring, it will sway men from hitting on you at work. And it does, there’s still some that try to test their luck, but the minute you flash that pearl on your finger they’re scurrying off to find their next target.

Cue four new regulars, four attractive military men that always flash you a polite smile and leave you a nice tip. Price comes in more than the others, claiming the stool near your register for himself, Ghost doing the same the rare nights he slinks into the pub. Soap and Gaz come in together some weekends, sitting themselves in front of you with big grins on their faces as they watch the game on the tv overhead.

They’re all sweet, a little cocky at times but nothing that one of their grins or sly remarks can’t make up for. They ask how their favorite girl is doing when they return from longer missions, genuinely listening as you fill them in on the things that have happened since they’ve been away.

Perfect gentlemen.

Until one night you forget your ring, having had to rush your shower and sprint out the door to make it to the pub before the nightly rush.

You filling glasses when you hear the chime of the bell and a familiar laugh fill the pub.

“Was wondering if I’d see you boys tonight.” You smile, motioning for them to give you a moment as you serve the other patrons.

When you slide back over to them, you immediately reach for their usual glasses, grabbing your cloth to wipe them off, when a hand clamps around your wrist and you jump, nearly dropping the glass as Ghost turns your hand over in his.

“Trouble at home pretty?” Price comments, concern etched on his face and it takes a moment for you to catch on, and you can’t help the little giggle that spills out.

“Oh! My ring… It’s kind of a funny story. I uhm.. I’m not actually married.” You laugh, expecting them to laugh along with you, but all you feel are four pairs of eyes piercing into you.

“Come again?” Gaz asks, voice a tad deeper than usual and you ignore the chills it sends down your spine.

“I started wearing it so some of the drunkards would leave me be, kind of forgot about it, just became habit.” You chuckle nervously, hand still in Ghost’s grasp and he’s eyeing you in a way you’ve never seen before.

“Hm. Interesting.”

I hate when people basically cliff notes the Bible and claim to be Christian. Do I think that you need to read the whole thing back to back to believe? No but damn does it fucking help.

I saw a woman at a Trump rally say that she would welcome Jesus if he came into the country legally.

Jesus. Christ.

The Messiah.

The Son of God.

The Anchor Baby of Bethlehem 💀

Also I do not care if you don’t believe in anything or anyone. But to claim “hey I’m part of this faith” and then be like, “I’m only welcoming my god if he gets a fucking green card” is fucking WILD.

This actually makes me feel a whole lot better. Unfortunately I believe it's my boyfriend's son that's doing that. Don't you just love 11 year olds telling you that you belong in the kitchen and you are such a waste of womanhood? I know I sure do! Oh he is also saying how I am in my "prime" (what the fuck does that mean! I need to know😭) and that I have such "wonderful childbearing hips", can't forget about that part. He's such a sweet, darling, normal child, who I don't have to fear for the girls around him!😅

The kitty cat in his arms ahhh I love this

I haven’t drawn in like 3 weeks here’s a Jason

I respect your defense of bisexual woman and all but I just don’t want to put my mouth somewhere I know a dick has been

Yall out here acting like these girls’ pussies be haunted by the ghosts of penises past, this ain’t a Dickmas Carol, be so fucking for real

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When your bestie is hungry…>:)