Dude Take Me Fucking Money!!! I Would Play The Fuck Outta This Game

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Halp tumblr, I thought I saved a fic and I didn’t

If anyone knows the fic, heres what I recall:

It’s a Tim joins the batfam early fic on ao3; the premise is that jack wants Tim to have more masculine interests so he tries to get Tim into cars, which works to well, and he becomes a little speed demon. He does the normal bat stalking he’s known for, deduces the code to unlock the Batmobile, and rescues Bruce dick and Jason from the joker by basically street racing the Batmobile into him

If anyone knows the title, I would love you forever

[image description: a tweet by user @indigenousAI saying

“fun fact: as a DV survivor i cannot register to vote because doing so makes my address public. anyone who is fleeing or hiding from an abuser is automatically disenfranchised from the political process and this is a feature, not a bug”]

Bruce is at a gala, okay, and he’s talking to a woman.

Random woman: “And we found out that we’re having another child!”

Bruce: *absolutely cackling inside, because this is about to be the funniest thing he’s done in weeks*

Brucie: “That’s wonderful! Where are they? Can I meet them? How old are they?”

Now Brucie is standing there, scanning the room for children with a huge grin on his face, while all of the random rich people stand around like ‘who’s going to explain to the adorable, well-meaning idiot that most people know they’re going to have children a few months before the children are born.’

And worse, who’s going to have to break the news to him that he can’t meet the kid today?

Because this man… this man has acquired all of his children with zero premeditation. Yes, he does have a bio kid, but that one showed up on his doorstep as a preteen. He did even less acquiring with that one than with the others.

Bruce has a blast acting out his disappointment, and has to turn some so that he can no longer see Tim and Cass leaning against each other and laughing, because otherwise he’s going to start laughing.

dick: you were gone for months, everyone though you were insane or else, dead even, you cut off all of the contacts with your family, friends and colleagues. and now turns out you what. almost joined an ancient murderous cult? lost an organ? have committed a few terroristic attacks? and fraud?

tim: it was my hot girl summer

dick: you've been banned from seven different countries

tim: not me being a girlypop

dick:

tim: also, is it a terroristic attack if you attack terrorists?

I am crying laughing oh my god not what I was expecting to read but goddamn do I love it. She knows what she should've done and I can't! I love this

Old as shit skinny white woman in bed hooked up to 200 tubes and machines surrounded by her crying family, she looks up towards the eldest daughter and raises her frail hand. Everyone stops, listening raptly. She coughs twice and then clears her throat, and beckons the daughter closer. ‘i should’ve eaten her pussy. I should’ve rawed that roast beast like a rabid dog on its last legs. I would’ve made her bleed you know. She would’ve thought she came so hard that her period started. The squirt would’ve drowned me, but I’d swallow every last drop of rna so I could sequence it for the years to come. They’d have called me the krypt keeper. I would’ve chewed so hard her gynecologist would’ve woke up in the middle of the night sweating like a stuck pig. But I didn’t. That’s why I’m surrounded by you fucking bozos.’ With her final words she breaths her agonol breath and falls backwards before flatlining, leaving her family in the quiet hospice room stunned and teary eyed in the wake of her passing.