Chincilla-on-the-moon - BLM & ACAB

I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn

Hello anon I'm so sorry it took me so long to complete your request, you can read it here. I do hope you enjoy it! <3

I get not wanting him to be so dependent. I personally also smoke and it’s a little frustrating seeing the best Connor writers not even mentioning something that’s a big part of his story, and when they do they like to demonise it.

i totally get that! it is incredibly frustrating when people do that because it is such a big part of his identity and there are plenty other things about the boy that are much worse than him smoking weed...

Just By Looking- Connor Murphy X Reader

Word Count: 4,325

A/N: Hi! This is the first fanfiction I’ve ever written or posted. so it most likely sucks but whatever. I just want to say thank you to anyone who reads this I appreciate it!                

Connor Murphy was your best friend. You trusted him more than anybody else on the planet and told him everything, the feeling was mutual. You helped him when things were tough at home with his parents and sister and he helped you when you were stressed about school and the future. You spent lots of late nights texting and on video chat helping each other with homework or simply just talking. Anyone could see you were best friends just by looking at you two.

  You weren't always close though, you had gone to the same elementary school and you were in the class when the whole printer incident happened but had no particular opinion about the boy but still thought he was cute. It wasn’t until middle school when you both shared three out of nine classes with one another that you two became friends. Neither of you had friends so it was a perfect opportunity for a friendship to form. You originally weren’t going to talk to Connor or anyone for that matter, but when you went to go eat lunch in the library out of fear for the lunchroom and the eighth-graders it contained you found him at one of the tables, he was the only other person in the library besides the two librarians. You don’t know what possessed you but you decided to go sit with him. His head jerked up when you pulled the chair out across from him, he eyed you with suspicion as you sat down before returning to the book he was reading. You sat in silence occasionally taking a bite from the sandwich your mother had packed for a few minutes before gaining the courage to ask him about his book. At first, he gave you short blunt responses out of fear you were actually mocking him for his book choice but once he saw you listening intently he began to talk with passion. The conversation lasted the rest of the 30 minute lunch period you were both disappointed because you did not want the conversation to end. After all,  this was the first real human interaction you had besides the corny icebreakers you had been forced to do in previous classes but soon realized that you were going to the same place the conversation resumed shortly after that. You sat next to one another in that and every other class you had with one another, you bid each other goodbye before going to the final bell of the day, you were a little anxious walking to your ninth bell because in the short goodbye exchanged there was no promise of talking to one another tomorrow. 

The next day’s lunch came slower than you wished. Your stomach had been twisting anxiously all-day,  you arrived at the library to find him sitting at the same table as yesterday with the same anxious expression that you wore on your face. It soon became a tradition to meet in the library for lunch and walk to the next two classes with one another, it took only a few days for an unbreakable bond to form. In the second week of school, the two of you exchanged social media handles and started texting outside of school. About a month into the school year the two of you started to hang out outside of school occasionally which typically meant going to see a movie or something along those lines. 

In December auditions for the school’s annual musical were held, you decided to go out on a limb and try out for it, you got a lead! At first, Connor was a little upset because it meant you wouldn’t be able to see one another as much but after much convincing you got him to sign up for stage crew to solve this problem. The two of you had a fantastic time doing the show and have done it ever since it made your relationship so much stronger.  Connor seeing you up on that stage performing your little heart out made him realize he might like you a little more than a friend. The fact that Connor agreed to do stage crew and got you a flower the night of the final performance made your little theatre kid heart flutter and you realized you might have feelings for the lanky boy. Both of you acknowledged these feelings for about two seconds before repressing them for about two years.  The bond shared between you and the boy rivaled the bonds between the preppy people who had known each other since practically birth.

 The summer between eighth and ninth grade was very eventful for the two of you, you shared your first kiss so you wouldn’t have to go into high school as “losers who hadn’t had their first kiss” as Connor had so gracefully put it, it wasn’t anything special it was a quick peck and Connor had almost missed your lips. The rest of the night was filled with blushes and a kind of awkward silence. The two of you also smoked weed for the first time which was quick to become one of Connor’s favorite past times. Connor had become a full-on stoner by the time school started. That summer was filled with lots of deep conversations about the future and what was going to happen these next four years and then after that. 

Freshman year came around much too quickly for either of your likings, highschool started out rough for both of you. Fortunately, the two of you shared four classes. Connor had been having more outbursts as a result of the new large workload which caused Larry and Cynthia to be tougher on Connor about things such as his grades, which truly weren’t that bad as he had at least a B in all of his classes some of which were advanced, which always made things worse. You were kinda smart and were also taking some advanced classes which stressed you out and caused you to have anxiety attacks. You still met in the library for lunch but this year the conversations were often filled with quiet reassurances in an attempt to calm the other down instead of the lighthearted conversation about your favorite books. You two became so close and confided in each other for everything.  That year you were partnered up on lots of projects and worked over at the Murphy’s home which resulted in Cynthia and Larry growing very fond of you as well as Zoe. When finals season rolled around you helped one another study and passed all your finals with flying colors getting 80-90 on all of them.

That summer the two of you were forced to spend lots of time apart as a result of the Murphy’s disapproval of Connor’s angry outbursts and smoking habit which resulted in him being grounded and having his phone taken away for most of the summer. Your only form of communication was emails that Connor sent off of an old broken laptop. These emails were very rare though because Connor didn’t want to be caught by Cynthia or Larry and then have the laptop taken away leaving him with absolutely no communication with you. He struggled a lot with being forced to spend all of his time with his family and the fact that they were now forcing him to see a counselor once a week. You tried to help him as much as you could by letting him vent to you, he constantly told you how angry his family made him and how much he misses you. The limited conversation with Connor allowed you to have a lot of time alone with your thoughts, you came to the realization that you were in love with your best friend. Little did you know a few streets away Connor came to the same realization.

He was finally released from “house arrest” the last three weeks of summer, you two spent almost every second together to make up for the one and a half months of lost time. It was nice to see each other again, Connor hadn’t gotten a haircut all summer and his hair now reached just below his ears, it was a good look on him. Unable to drive yet the two of you spent most of your time at the local park within walking distance from both of your houses talking and/or smoking or on Connor’s roof stargazing once it got dark out. 

Once again school had to come around unfortunately but you two were more sure of yourselves and ready for this year. The two of you once again had a good majority of your classes together so you were able to help each other study and things like that. The feeling you held for one another grew steadily and was getting harder to contain. Lunch was filled with longing gazes when you thought the other wasn’t paying attention and harmless “flirting” which actually meant playfully hitting one another just so you could touch or being rude to the other person in a non-serious way. Everyone at school could see how hopelessly in love you two were and assumed you were dating which then led to snarky remarks to be made at you two, which temporarily caused a rift in your friendship for about two weeks in September. The reason being Connor felt bad for causing you to get bullied again which is something that hadn’t happened to you since middle school, the bullying never ceased for him, he figured if he left you alone it would get better but it only caused the comments to worsen. Once you walked out of class after someone said something under their breath he went out to calm you down and saw the error of his ways, everything went back to normal, mostly. The two of you were still a blushing mess around each other. 

You began to spend every moment together that you possibly could and when you couldn’t be together you were texting or Snapchatting. You did the musical and once again got a small supporting role. You were over the moon and Connor was so proud of you. He once again decided to do the stage crew and that show ended up being one of your favorites productions you’ve ever done. After the musical was done finals season came very quickly. You and Connor stopped talking outside of school because you both were studying a lot but still found time to chat and help one another go through the material for the class you shared. During this time Connor also celebrated his 16th birthday and passed his permit test on the first try. Driving had been something he had looked forward to since he was a little boy so he took this process very seriously. He got so excited when Larry would take him out to drive in an empty parking lot somewhere. When you went over to the Murphy’s house for dinner one evening Larry actually complimented his son’s driving abilities. You got to see these skills first hand when Larry allowed Connor to drive when you had to go home. You’d never say it to his face but Connor was actually a fantastic driver.  All the studying paid off when you and Connor got all A’s and B’s on your finals. Larry and Cynthia were shocked when they received Connor’s report card and decided to buy him a car as a reward for his recent good behavior streak. It was a beat-up black pickup truck that perfectly fit Connor’s aesthetic. Although he couldn’t drive yet the two of you enjoy just sitting in the front of the truck most days of the summer and talk but sometimes you would just sit without talking a just listen to music off of a playlist you made of your’s and Connor’s favorite songs and imagine where you two would go if Connor was able to legally drive. The fact that he couldn’t drive legally didn’t stop him completely though, because this is Connor Murphy we’re talking about here why would he pass up the chance to break the law. On some nights he would drive you out to the apple orchard and you two would sometimes smoke but you would always stargaze and talk for hours until the sun was about to come up. Connor still smoked occasionally but not nearly as much as he did during freshman year and you only smoked when you were with him. Those were your favorite kind of night and you knew they were Connor’s as well.  Junior year was approaching rapidly and neither you or Connor was excited. Both of your mental states had started to improve for the better but knew that was going to change as soon as the school year started. 

And unfortunately, that ended up being true. You ended up crying to Connor almost every night because of how stressed you were and he had a lot more outbursts than he had had in years. The only thing keeping him from completely breaking down was the fact he could drive in a couple of months, this was also keeping you going. Connor being able to drive you to school would mean no more taking the bus filled with people you hated or having to wake up an hour earlier than usual and have your mom drop you off a half-hour early before she went to work. The first few months dragged on but Connor finally got his license! This meant you two got to spend even more time together when Connor would bring you to school in the morning and drop you off in the afternoon. If you both got up on time you would get coffee and afterschool if your guy’s homework load wasn’t too bad he would just drive around town for a little while before dropping you off.  Zoe was trying to build up her popularity so she just carpooled with one of her friend’s moms instead of risking being seen with her brother, Connor had no issue with this it meant he didn’t have to worry about his little shit of a sister and all her after school activities.  Auditions for the school musical were swiftly approaching and to say you were nervous would be an understatement. When the day finally came Connor came to support you and the director forced him to audition as well because of the notable lack of boys in the theatre department. The two of you got decent parts and were cast as one another’s romantic interest. At first, Connor wasn’t going to accept whatever part he got but once he looked up the synopsis of the show and figured this out he emailed your director and accepted the part immediately. Since your characters were supporting the two of you had a few lines but not an unmanageable amount, you two were in every single scene together so you could study your lines with one another which was very helpful. You had been doing theatre outside of school your entire life and had always dreamed of having a showmance and you were hoping that the childish dream would finally come true. Connor sometimes got frustrated at rehearsals but you were always there to calm him down and get him back on track. The two of you were to have a stage kiss, both of you avoided that topic of conversation at all costs out of embarrassment. The first few times you ran the scene at rehearsal your director allowed for the two of you to not do the kiss and simply move on with the scene but as the show was approaching he made you perform the kiss, fortunately (but also, unfortunately) he allowed for you to do a stage kiss. Every time you two broke away from the “kiss” your cheeks were as red as roses. You thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of his lips on your thumb and imagined how they would feel on your lips, you kept these feelings to yourself out of fear of losing your best friend if he were to find out.  A few of your castmates picked up on your rosy cheeks and idiotic grin each time you would come off stage from doing the stage kiss but you consistently denied having feelings for your scene partner. As the show approached you began to run the scene more and more and spend more time with each other at rehearsals and outside of rehearsals. Your feelings only grew for each other and you both found yourself almost confessing your feelings, the tension between you two grew greatly. You also found yourself touching Connor more and more whether it was just grabbing his arm when he said a joke or laying your head on his shoulder when you two were watching a movie at his house. Little did you know these little things would drive Connor insane and his face would grow hot every time you would do something along those lines.  On the closing night of the show, Connor got payback for you driving him insane. He took control of the kiss and made sure it wasn’t a stage kiss. You almost passed out when he did this His lips were slightly chapped when they touched yours, just like they were that night the summer before freshman year, and your stomach did loads of backflips. Neither of you wanted the kiss to end but your castmates would have noticed something was up so sadly you pulled away. When you had broken away from each other you had to grab onto his arm make sure you didn’t fall because of how shocked you were,  luckily you were able to play it off quite easily so it seemed like an acting choice and no one noticed besides you two. When you got off stage after what seemed like an eternity Connor had the biggest smirk on his face and seemed quite pleased with himself. You wanted to smack that cocky smirk rights off that stupid pretty face of his but you didn’t instead you kissed it off. You heard the surprised squeak of one of your castmates but didn’t pull away for at least 30 more seconds. When finally did pull away Connor just stared at you with his mouth hanging open and he was still like that when you walked away with a gigantic grin on your face to touch up your makeup. When you walked out of the girl's dressing room you found Connor outside the door waiting for you. You avoided eye contact with the boy out of embarrassment of your actions and tried to walk past him like you didn't see him but he grabbed your arm and dragged you into a more private part of the hallway. ”What the fuck was that?!” he asked whisper yelling.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said while fluttering your eyelashes playing innocent hoping he’d get the hint to just let it go. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about l/n don’t play stupid.” 

”Okay…” you said while still staring down at the floor “maybe I do know what you're talking about but I don't want to talk about it”  

“Well, I want to talk about it. Right now.”

“I really don’t know what you want me to say right now Con,” you said hoping the conversation would end soon for a couple of reasons. Before you could even finish that thought one of the upperclassmen girls came running down the hallway searching for you guys. You two had almost missed your cue but luckily she noticed otherwise you would’ve been killed by your director. 

“We’ll continue this conversation later,” he said before walking down to the stage door. You stood shocked for a couple of seconds before coming to your senses and following behind him. That was the final scene after the curtain calls you hugged Connor quickly before practically running to greet your family to delay the conversation you were bound to have sooner or later. When you got done taking pictures with your friends and family you avoided Connor at all cost possible and sought refuge in the girl's dressing room. You took as long as humanly possible hanging up your costumes and whole doing so a few people told you that Connor was looking for you but you told them to tell him that you were busy and couldn't talk. When you finished cleaning your space in the dressing room and walked out to go help with strike on the stage you found Connor sitting outside the door presumably waiting for you to finally come out. When you did you tried to speed walk past and pretend you didn't see him but he called your name so you had to turn around and look at him. ”Y/N can we talk for a minute?” he says, voice filled with anxiety.

”I'm sorry Con but I really get out there and help strike.” you said looking at the ground 

”Well then can we talk at the cast party?” 

”Yeah. We can talk after.” Strike lasted for about an hour. During that time you and Connor had to help each other with things such as putting costumes away or helping fold a backdrop. Finally, the time for the cast party came and you couldn't wait cause you were starving. 

Usually, you and Connor would sit in the corner of the lunchroom and talk about the paper plate awards people were receiving and how bad some of them were but this time after you got your food there was no talk about paper plate awards, Connor immediately asked, ”So what was that L/N?”

”I don't know Connor, what was it?” you answered in a very snarky manner. ”You were the one who kissed me first so it's only fair that you answer first.”

”Look. First of all, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable that was never my intention. I guess… I guess  I just misread the situation a thought there was a slight chance you could like me back. Second of all before you decide you never want to talk to me again I just want you to know that you are one of the greatest people I've ever met and I love you so much. Sorry again. I guess I'll just leave you alone now for the rest of eternity.” he says avoiding eye contact like it's his job. 

You stared at him for a couple of seconds dumbfounded that Connor thought you didn't like him when for years you thought he didn’t romantically like you. Just as you fully processed what Connor said he began to stand up you suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sit back down. ”Wait, wait, wait let me get this straight you Connor Murphy like me Y/N L/N in a romantic way?”, you said almost laughing out of pure joy because finally the boy who you’ve liked since middle school likes you back. 

“Yeah, go-ahead laugh it up. Isn't it just hilarious that a freak like me thought he had some sort of chance that he had a chance with someone as talented and beautiful as you?” he said almost yelling. You stopped smiling and slightly cringed into yourself, Connor had gotten angry around you before but the anger was never directed at you. It was always at Larry, Cynthia, Zoe or just the world in general but never ever at you. When he finally stopped talking he saw that you were scared and regained his composure but was still shaking with anger. Luckily the cafeteria was loud enough where it seemed like you and Connor were just having a conversation. 

”Con will you just let me say something before you start jumping to conclusions?” you said quietly. ”I'm just surprised that someone as great as you would like someone like me, don't get me wrong I'm grateful but wow. I just still can't process that Connor Murphy, the boy I've liked for years, actually likes me back!”

It was his turn to stare at you with a dumb look. “You actually like me back?” he says in a state of shock.  You shake your head and he looks like he’s going to start crying and you do too. You both just stared at each other with stupid grins on your faces for about 30 seconds before you hugged one another and cried out of relief. When you pulled away Connor asked, “So N/N will you be my girlfriend?” You shook your head wildly and pulled his face to yours and gave him the biggest smooch. It was far from perfect but it was good enough for the both of you. You spent the rest of the cast party hand in hand with big smiles on your faces. No one was surprised when you two announced that you were a couple but everyone was happy they didn’t have to deal with the awkward pinning anymore. Larry and Cynthia were more excited than you and Connor were when you told them you two were dating, they saw how happy you made their son and they already loved you so it was perfect, Zoe would never admit it but she was happy that her brother had got you. 

Those late-night conversations were now filled with I Love yous and loads of compliments. When you guys hung out you were constantly touching one another in some way. Connor still had his outbursts every once in a while but you were always there to help him pick his piece up and put them back together. You and Connor loved each other more than anything. Anyone could see that you two were soulmates just by looking at you.

hey there :0 recently found yr blog and i just wanna say yr writing is really good! i saw yr requests were “openish” so if this is an inconvenience then that’s ok and you don’t have to write anything :)

but connor murphy w a male reader who likes to draw? and he draws them together in his free time? maybe babies connor a lot in private too? (^^*)

if you decide to do this, ty! if not, that’s ok too! keep up the good work ♡🦑

dear anon i am so sorry it took me so long to get to this and it's probably not what you were looking for.

sincerely,

chinchilla-on-the-moon

changed my user name feeling very swag 😎 also let it be known that i am trying to work on requests i am just not doing very well rn so unfortunately writing isn’t a priority at the moment:/

i wanna hug connor murphy SO BAD okay

Connor Murphy Helping Reader Through a Panic Attack

Request: Request for helping reader through a panic attack over family?- Anon

Word Count: 552

Warnings: Description of panic attack, mean parents, not proof read, and bad writing

Authors Note: omg it’s been less than a week and i’m already posting again whattt. anyways this is literally so bad but yolo also HAPPY FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER AKA THE BEST MONTH OF THE YEAR, thinking about writing a halloween themed fic but don’t hold me to that.  anyways hope you enjoy and have a great day/night <3 :) (any feedback is also greatly appreciated!)

you loved your family just like everyone else

but sometimes they could be overwhelming 

you had already had a bad day at school so when you got home you were ready to just go hide in your room 

that was until everyone needed something from you

now you had to do dishes, laundry, and help with homework before you could retreat to your room for the night 

you had managed to do what you were supposed to (barely) 

apparently your efforts were in vain though cause you got reprimanded for the ”poor” quality of your work

after the berating was done you knew you had to get out of the house just for a little bit 

your parents let you go on a walk so you went to the park and asked connor to meet you there 

while you were waiting all the feeling of the day hit you at once and suddenly you were crying and it was hard to breathe 

you don’t know how much time passed between then and when connor showed up, it could’ve been anywhere five minutes to five years and you wouldn’t have known 

connor already knew where you’d be thank god. the two of you were frequent visitors to this park and had designated a specific area as your own 

when he saw you, you were sobbing quietly on the ground

“hey what’s wrong?” asked connor approaching you like someone would a scared animal 

you looked up at him and started crying harder

“hey hey hey come here” he said opening his arms, your safe haven 

once you were securely in his arms connor started rubbing soothing circles on your back, whispering positive affirmations in your ear, taking deep breaths in the hope you would change your breathing to follow his and pressing the occasional kiss to the crown of your head 

the two of you stood like that for a while until your breathing returned back to normal and your cries stopped 

you were the first to pull back, “thank you,” you whispered voice hoarse from crying but also quiet from embarrassment 

“of course my love anything for you,” he said with a love sick look in his eyes. “do you want to talk about it?” 

“I don't know it’s just everything got overwhelming i guess? i know that probably doesn’t make sense, I'm sorry.”

“no it makes perfect sense, i totally get it. next time you feel like that i want you to talk to me though, okay? i come to you when i need help so you have to come to me when you need help. you’re never bothering me i promise,” he said genuinely 

“okay,” you said yawning. you were suddenly very aware of how tired you were

“here let’s get you home.”

connor walked you home like the gentleman he is and when you reached your front steps he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips and hoped it communicated all the love he had for you. 

“thank you again con. you’re the greatest,” you say hugging him

“it was really no problem babe. i want to be there for you.”

“i love you”

“i love you too”

and with that you waved goodbye and walked into your house feeling a lot better than you have in a long time

One question before I make a request for Connor, what do you think about him smoking weed? Do you think it’s not a good thing? Or are you cool with it?

hi anon! i’m definitely cool with it! i just wish he didn’t rely on it so heavily, but i get why he did. :/ also i might not be the most knowledgeable with this specific topic because i’ve only been high like half a time LMAO.

Chinchilla-on-the-Moon’s Masterlist

*- requested

All of my fics are gender neutral! 

Connor Murphy-

Just by looking

“Nice to meet you too”

Birthday Wishes

“I like you too idiot.” *

My Whole World*

Headcanons-

What it’s like to date Connor Murphy:*

Connor Murphy Helping Reader Through a Panic Attack*

Work of Art*

the you i fell in love with

connor murphy x female!reader

a/n: not me writing a fic about mike faist’s connor murphy 2 years after he left the show…… also Connor is probably ooc 

summary: you were Connor’s girlfriend who lived in the next town over, a little over a half hour away. his family didn’t know about you, no one did. he didn’t want his family or anyone he knew to scare you away. in the end, it didn’t really matter. he was gone. when the Connor Project came to be and Evan resigned from being co-president, you ran into him. you questioned him about his “friendship” with Connor and he told you everything.

set after the Murphy’s find out the truth and before the Evan/Zoe reunion at the orchard.

second person pov

warning: a few swear words, also very brief mention of depression and taking your own life, and Larry Murphy kind of being a dick

word count: 5,577

______

“Who are you exactly?” Evan questioned the girl who pulled him off to the side of the supermarket where no one else around. To say he was a little nervous would be an understatement, he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m so sorry! I probably scared you half to death dragging you along like that.. I just have some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering..?” You smiled at him sheepishly. Something about your awkward smile eased his mind a bit, but not enough. “No, sorry my mom actually is waiting for me by the-” “It’s about Connor!” You interrupted, looking at him through sad, heartbroken eyes. “..Please. Evan Hansen. I know you weren’t really friends with him. I know you weren’t even secret friends with him.. Because if you were, I would’ve known.”

Evan looked around before looking back at you, confused. “Who are you?” He asked for the second time. “I’m- I was Connor’s girlfriend. Y/N L/N. I met him 2 years ago at the apple orchard you guys rebuilt? That’s where we met actually.. We both went there because we thought that no one else would be there and that it would be the perfect place to escape. His family and classmates never knew about me because he-” you laugh slightly,” he was afraid they would take me away from him. Or that his family would fight in front of me and he’d lose his cool or that his sister would say nasty things about him to ‘spare me from being in a relationship with him’ or even that the bullies at his school would turn me against him even though he knew damn well I could never.” You stopped rambling and passed him a Polaroid picture of the two of you, sitting against the chain link fence that surrounded the old abandoned apple orchard. You were looking up at Connor with heart eyes as he smiled back down at you. A real smile. This was the real Connor Murphy.

Evan looked up from the picture at you, shocked before quickly returning it to you. “Oh my god… You must think I’m such a h- horrible person for doing all this and pretending to be best friends with your- your dead boyfriend- I’m so sorry for your loss by the way- and making up all these stories about things we never really did and starting a whole online campaign about-” “Evan!” He stopped ranting, breathing heavily. “Breathe, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax.”

It was silent for a moment before Evan mumbled a quiet, “Thank you.”

You smiled knowingly. “Now. Mind telling me everything?”

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