Changed My User Name Feeling Very Swag 😎 Also Let It Be Known That I Am Trying To Work On Requests

My Whole World- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request:  I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn - Anon

Word Count: 1009

Warnings: Implied Self harm (cutting), Self-loathing, Self-hatred, Feeling like a burden

Authors Note: Hello! I know I’m literally the worst ever but honestly existing this past year has been really hard which makes doing the things I enjoy, like writing, really hard to do. BUT I do finally think I’m reaching a better place, (I know I say this like every authors note but I really think I am this time). Also saw the DEH movie last night and ended up sobbing over Connor I love him so much :((. Lastly and most importantly: if you ever feel like self harming there are alternatives! If you need resources about this feel free to message me or send me an ask! I’m more than happy to help <3 Thats it. As all ways thank you for reading and have a lovely day/night! :) <3

You were having an awful day, an awful week even. It seemed everything that could go wrong did. It just seemed the world was against you and you were tired of it. You were approaching your breaking point and fast. You could see this but you didn’t know what to do about it. You could reach out to your boyfriend Connor. But no he was doing so well recently and you didn’t want to burden him or bring him down with your negative thoughts. So you decided to do what you always did which was just distract yourself from your emotions because if you didn’t think about them they weren’t there. You put your earbuds in and put on one of the playlists Connor had made for you, once you got home and went up to your room without saying a word to anyone and plopped face down into your bed. For a couple minutes you were able to ignore all the thoughts racing through your mind but eventually the music stopped working and you were left alone with your thoughts. 

You’re pathetic and a burden to everyone. Why would anyone want to deal with you, especially Connor? You’re probably the most annoying person on the planet right? With your constant pestering and need for reassurance every two seconds it’s truly a wonder that you haven’t been abandoned by everyone in your life. 

You were angry at yourself. How could you possibly let yourself be this awful of a person? You wanted to do something horrible to yourself as a punishment, to force yourself to feel the pain you bring to everyone in your life. 

The next time you had a coherent thought was at least a half hour later. You felt a stinging sensation coming from your wrists and started crying as you fully processed what you had done. Without realizing it you texted Connor asking him to come over. You just sat waiting staring at nothing until Connor knocked on the door to your room. You were broken out of your trance and weakly said “It’s open” so he knew he could come in. 

Once Connor opened the door he knew something was up. The energy in the room just felt wrong. Then he saw your hunched figure on the bed and could tell something was up just by how you were sitting and approached the bed slowly so as to not startle you. Once he came into your field of vision you broke down even more feeling so pathetic in this moment. “Oh sweetheart,” he says softly. He sat down in front of you and took one of your arma in his hand and inspected the damage gently. He did the same with the other and once he was done he opened his arms and you crashed into his chest, violently crying at this point. He held you tight and pressed soft kisses into your head. He just let you cry it out rubbing soft circles into your back but while he was he couldn’t help but think how could the light of his life ever feel so bad that you felt you had to do this to yourself? 

Once your cries had calmed down to soft sniffles every once in a while he said “Let’s get you cleaned up then we can cuddle. Sound good?” You nodded tiredly. “Okay let’s go to the bathroom,” he said, grabbing your hands to pull you up and guide you to the bathroom. Once you got there you sat on the counter and Connor got to work. He carefully applied antibiotic ointment and bandages to the affected areas and when he was done pressed gentle kisses to all of the bandages.  After that he cleaned up his ‘workspace’ and led you back to your bedroom. The two got ready and had settled into your bed when he broke the comfortable silence that had settled between you two. “You know we have to talk about this right?” You nodded timidly. “Why?” he said simply. You explained how terrible this week had been for you and how it all got to be too much. The whole time Connor listened with his undivided attention on you, holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. At some point while you were explaining you had started crying, He sat up causing you to sit up as well. He grabbed your face, wiped your tears and stared deeply into your eyes. It felt like he was staring into your soul but you didn’t look away. After what feels like an eternity he finally spoke up and said “I don’t know how you could think all those awful things about yourself. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. Your kind, smart, compassionate, not to mention most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re not a burden to those around you, especially not me ever. Next time you feel like this, I want you to talk to me okay? I’m here to help you. I know you would do the same for me in a heartbeat so let me help you. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you, you’re my whole world.” You were crying again but for the first time today they were happy tears. 

“Thank you for always reminding me how loved I am. I love you so much Con,” you said smiling through the tears. 

“I love you more Y/N/N,” he said, smiling sweetly at you. He gave you a tender kiss on the forehead and then said “You’ve had a long day we should get some sleep.”

“Yeah you’re right,” you said through a yawn. The two of you got cozy again, your head on Connor’s chest, his hands running through your hair. The sound of his heartbeat, the one he swore beat for only you, lulled you to sleep. The last thing you heard before you felt before you fell fully unconscious was a kiss being pressed to the top of your head.

hi all! i want to write but i have no inspiration so i’ve decided to start taking requests! i’m only going to be writing for my boy connor murphy B) . so if you have requests please send em, but please no smut as i am a minor! also if you do send a request please be patient with me as i am still in highschool which means i have a lot of work to do and it is especially hard because most of it is online. also thank you for all the support on my previous fics it means the entire world to me!! anyways have a fantastic day/night! <3 :)

Chinchilla-on-the-Moon’s Masterlist

*- requested

All of my fics are gender neutral! 

Connor Murphy-

Just by looking

“Nice to meet you too”

Birthday Wishes

“I like you too idiot.” *

My Whole World*

Headcanons-

What it’s like to date Connor Murphy:*

Connor Murphy Helping Reader Through a Panic Attack*

Work of Art*

can u do a connor x reader where reader is being pretty annoyed with Jared on the first day (like when he calls him a school shooter) and he steps in and defends her leading timo a nice friendship and a love confession from Connor at the end? I’m sending love, and if u can’t it is really ok, everyone’s mental health is important, pls don’t feel overwhelmed 💕✨🦋

Hey anon! I just posted it! Here’s the link! Hope you enjoy it doll! :)

Connor Murphy Helping Reader Through a Panic Attack

Request: Request for helping reader through a panic attack over family?- Anon

Word Count: 552

Warnings: Description of panic attack, mean parents, not proof read, and bad writing

Authors Note: omg it’s been less than a week and i’m already posting again whattt. anyways this is literally so bad but yolo also HAPPY FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER AKA THE BEST MONTH OF THE YEAR, thinking about writing a halloween themed fic but don’t hold me to that.  anyways hope you enjoy and have a great day/night <3 :) (any feedback is also greatly appreciated!)

you loved your family just like everyone else

but sometimes they could be overwhelming 

you had already had a bad day at school so when you got home you were ready to just go hide in your room 

that was until everyone needed something from you

now you had to do dishes, laundry, and help with homework before you could retreat to your room for the night 

you had managed to do what you were supposed to (barely) 

apparently your efforts were in vain though cause you got reprimanded for the ”poor” quality of your work

after the berating was done you knew you had to get out of the house just for a little bit 

your parents let you go on a walk so you went to the park and asked connor to meet you there 

while you were waiting all the feeling of the day hit you at once and suddenly you were crying and it was hard to breathe 

you don’t know how much time passed between then and when connor showed up, it could’ve been anywhere five minutes to five years and you wouldn’t have known 

connor already knew where you’d be thank god. the two of you were frequent visitors to this park and had designated a specific area as your own 

when he saw you, you were sobbing quietly on the ground

“hey what’s wrong?” asked connor approaching you like someone would a scared animal 

you looked up at him and started crying harder

“hey hey hey come here” he said opening his arms, your safe haven 

once you were securely in his arms connor started rubbing soothing circles on your back, whispering positive affirmations in your ear, taking deep breaths in the hope you would change your breathing to follow his and pressing the occasional kiss to the crown of your head 

the two of you stood like that for a while until your breathing returned back to normal and your cries stopped 

you were the first to pull back, “thank you,” you whispered voice hoarse from crying but also quiet from embarrassment 

“of course my love anything for you,” he said with a love sick look in his eyes. “do you want to talk about it?” 

“I don't know it’s just everything got overwhelming i guess? i know that probably doesn’t make sense, I'm sorry.”

“no it makes perfect sense, i totally get it. next time you feel like that i want you to talk to me though, okay? i come to you when i need help so you have to come to me when you need help. you’re never bothering me i promise,” he said genuinely 

“okay,” you said yawning. you were suddenly very aware of how tired you were

“here let’s get you home.”

connor walked you home like the gentleman he is and when you reached your front steps he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips and hoped it communicated all the love he had for you. 

“thank you again con. you’re the greatest,” you say hugging him

“it was really no problem babe. i want to be there for you.”

“i love you”

“i love you too”

and with that you waved goodbye and walked into your house feeling a lot better than you have in a long time

I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn

Hello anon I'm so sorry it took me so long to complete your request, you can read it here. I do hope you enjoy it! <3

One question before I make a request for Connor, what do you think about him smoking weed? Do you think it’s not a good thing? Or are you cool with it?

hi anon! i’m definitely cool with it! i just wish he didn’t rely on it so heavily, but i get why he did. :/ also i might not be the most knowledgeable with this specific topic because i’ve only been high like half a time LMAO.

Reblog if Black Lives Matter to you

Where are those woke white people at!?

I get not wanting him to be so dependent. I personally also smoke and it’s a little frustrating seeing the best Connor writers not even mentioning something that’s a big part of his story, and when they do they like to demonise it.

i totally get that! it is incredibly frustrating when people do that because it is such a big part of his identity and there are plenty other things about the boy that are much worse than him smoking weed...

“I like you too idiot.”- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request: can u do a connor x reader where reader is being pretty annoyed with Jared on the first day (like when he calls him a school shooter) and he steps in and defends her leading timo a nice friendship and a love confession from Connor at the end? I’m sending love, and if u can’t it is really ok, everyone’s mental health is important, pls don’t feel overwhelmed 💕✨🦋- Anon 

Word Count: 2,542

Warnings: A couple swears and Jared Klienman being a dick. (also Connor is probs written ooc but whatever)

Authors note: Hi everyone! First of all I just want to say thank you to everyone who requested something! I am trying to work on them but I recently fell into a really bad place mentally but I’m working on making it better. I hope to have the other requests out soon but please be patient with me. Also anon I used they/them pronouns for the reader as those are my pronouns and I want to make sure everyone can I enjoy my writing regardless of gender so I hope that okay.  As always thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day/night! :) <3 (Also any feedback is very appreciated. )

First day of senior year. To say you weren’t excited would be the understatement of the century. Sure you were excited to finally get out of your hometown but you had to get through the school year first and if the previous years were any indication of how this year was going to go, well lets just say it's going to be a long year. 

You pulled into the student parking lot in your shitty car and saw there were a couple extra minutes before you actually had to be in the building, With that in mind you decided to just put your head down  on the steering wheel for a few minutes to prepare yourself for the day ahead. 

That peace was short lived though because not even  30 seconds later did a dark truck pulled up next to you. Before the car could even come to a stop Zoe Murphy flew out of the passenger seat. She flipped off the driver, who you presumed was her brother Connor, and slammed the door before storming off into the school. “Jesus” you mutter  to yourself. Then another door slammed and Connor Murphy appeared in front of the truck, talking and gesturing wildly to himself. You could only make out bits and pieces of what the boy was saying before he went into the school like his sister. You heard him say something about his mom and his bitch sister and not even wanting to be there. Well at least you weren't alone in the feeling. Following the Murphy siblings you begrudgingly went into the building. The friendly secretary greated you and handed you your schedule which had your locker number on it. After searching for a few minutes you found it and just as you were starting to put things in your locker  you heard his voice, Jared Klienman. He was talking to Evan Hansen and you prayed to whatever higher being that could hear you that he would leave you alone. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. 

“Well, well, well if it isn’t L/N.” You could practically hear the shit-eating grin he had on his stupid face. You were about to turn around and tell him to go away but before you could someone comes between the two of you blocking Jared from your view. 

“Fuck off Klienman” says the last person you expected, Connor Murphy. 

“Woah calm down Murphy, I’m just trying to have a conversation with Y/N here” Jared says starting to back up and putting his arms up as a way of showing his surrender.

“Well they obviously don’t want to talk to you. Now get out of here before I punch that stupid smirk off your dumb face,” Connor says squaring off his shoulders in an attempt to look even more intimidating than usual. It worked quite well because Jared was practically running off but not before making a dig at Connor.

“Yeah whatever you fucking freak.”

You saw Connor’s shoulders tense and his hands clenched into fists. You didn’t know what to do but figured it would be best to leave the boy alone, so you just fidgeted with your hands. He took a deep breath then turned to face you. 

“Uhm thanks for that. You really didn’t have to,” you say avoiding eye contact with him, which was quite easy considering how tall he was compared to you. 

“No problem, I know how much of a dick Klienman can be.” 

“Yeah he’s the worst,” you say scoffing lightly. Then the bell signaling you were supposed to be in homeroom rang.“See you around Connor. Thanks again,” you say before turning to shut your locker and rush to class. 

“Yeah see you around,” Connor says to no one because you were already down the hall.

The rest of the day wasn’t much better, nothing happened in particular but it just still wasn’t the best. After what felt like an eternity it was finally the last bell of the day, creative writing. You weren’t particularly interested in writing but you had a bell to fill so you figured why not. When you walked in you did a scan of the room and saw Connor, he had an empty seat next to him at the back of the room so you decided to sit it in. “Hey,” you say, startling the boy who was previously staring into space. 

“Oh hey.”

“Thanks again for this morning, I really appreciate it dude,” you say making eye contact with Connor so he would know you actually meant what you were saying.

“Oh yeah, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he says, giving you a small smile. You smiled back just as your teacher walked in which caused the conversation to end. 

“Good afternoon class! I hope all of your days have been tolerable,” says your teacher Mr. Davidson. He was a younger man in his early 30’s which meant everyone liked him including you.  “Instead of doing an ice breaker where you all lie about how interesting your summers were I want you to get to actually get to know someone in this class a little better,” he says from behind his podium at the front of the class. You were starting to panic a little, who were you going to partner up with? None of your kind of friends were in this class!  Then Connor cleared his throat grabbing your attention.

“Hey Y/N, wanna be partners?” The nervous energy was practically radiating off the boy. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sure Connor.” The two of you then got up and turned your desks to face each other like the other pairs were doing. “So Murphy what’s your deepest darkest secret?” you say, smirking.

“Woah L/N, not even going to ask me my favorite color or anything?” he says chuckling.

“Okay, okay, fine,” you say playfully rolling your eyes. “What’s your favorite color Connor?” 

“Dark green. What about you L/N? What's your favorite color?”

“Y/F/C,” you say. “It’s been my favorite since I was younger,” you say shrugging.

“I respect that. It’s a good color.” 

“Yeah whatever, now can I hear your deepest secret?”, you say almost like a child.

“Wow you’re still on this?”, he says with amusement evident in his tone. 

“Yeah I am!” you say in a mock seriousness. “Mr. Davidson says we are supposed to actually get to know each other and that’s what I’m trying to do Murphy!” 

“You’re absolutely right Y/N,” he says suddenly very serious.

“Okay fine I’ll tell you but you have to swear you won’t tell anyone. 

“Not a soul,” you say staring at him intently and sitting at the edge of your seat. 

“Well, here goes nothing.” He made eye contact and it felt as if he was staring into your soul. “I’m pregnant.”

You maintained eye contact until you actually processed what he said, then the two of you started laughing which caused the rest of the class to turn and look at you but for once you didn’t even care because you were actually happy for the first time in what felt like forever. 

The rest of the class went by faster than you or Connor wanted it to, but the two of you walked out to the student parking lot together and paused when you reached your cars. “Uh see you tomorrow I guess,” you say but it comes out as more of a question. 

“Yeah see you tomorrow Y/N”, Connor says very confidently which surprised you both. You waved as a final goodbye and got into your cars. As you were driving home you thought about all the awful things you heard about Connor in the past and how untrue they were. Sure he was intimidating at first glance but he’s six feet tall for goodness sake who wouldn’t be intimidated by that. You could tell from the short  class period you spent getting to know him that he was simply misunderstood.  Suddenly you were glad you never listened to what all the popular kids said about Connor. 

As the school year went on you and Connor developed a sort of unspoken ritual, you would wait for Connor to get to school then you two would walk to homeroom together and then walk to your cars when the school day was over. The two of you became good friends and you found yourself actually looking forward to waking up in the morning so you could see him. The pair of you  had hung out outside of school a few times and you had actually met Connor’s mom, granted it was an accident but it still happened. 

You and Connor decided to hang out at his house because his family wasn’t home that afternoon, the two of you were lounging on the couch watching some weird movie when you heard the front door open. “Connor dear? Is that you in there?” Suddenly an middle aged woman with red hair appeared with reusable grocery bags in her hands. 

“Mom?!” Connor jumped up from the couch in a panic. “I thought you had yoga today?!”

“Class was canceled because Cindy wasn’t feeling well. Oh I stopped by the store and  got those  snacks you asked for!” she said coming into the living room box in hand. “Oh? Connor, who's your friend?” she said with a small smile appearing on her lips. 

“Hi Mrs. Murphy. I’m Y/N,” you said nervously. 

“Oh call me Cynthia dear,” she said, shooting you a smile. 

After that Cynthia invited you to stay for dinner but you already had plans with your parents that night. She invited you a couple times after that as well. You never actually went cause Connor didn’t want you to but still it was nice to know she liked you enough to invite you to dinner. 

As fall came to a close the two of you  became attached at the hip, constantly talking to one another whether it was in person or through the phone. Once the holiday season rolled around you guys got each other gifts. You got Connor a signed book from his favorite author and he got you a vinyl you had been wanting for a while.

 Once the holiday break was over the end of the first semester came quickly and you couldn’t wait to finally be done with your half year courses and start the new ones. Unfortunately you had to take finals before you could be done. Although you only had two finals you were still extremely stressed out. Sure they were easy classes but the teachers were notorious for giving impossible finals. You spent the few days before the finals studying whenever there was a free moment. Connor knew you were stressed so he helped you the best he could. He offered to have study sessions even though none of his classes had finals, he went over quizlets on video calls, and he even brought you a drink with way too much caffeine on the mornings he knew you didn’t sleep. 

Once the day arrived he texted you good luck. You went into the first test and totally nailed it. Before the next testing time there was a break and when you checked your phone you saw Connor had texted you telling you how proud he was of you for studying so hard and reassuring you that you had these exams in the bag. You sent him a quick “thank you :))” and went into the testing room for the second time. This exam was a little harder than the last but you still thought you did decent. There were a couple times where Connor and his stupid mneumonic devices actually came in handy. Letting out a giant breath of relief as you stepped out of the testing room you couldn’t wait to tell Connor about how much he helped. When you reached your locker and got your phone out of it you saw Connor had asked if you wanted to hang out when you were done. Obviously you said yes and told him to pick you up at your house in 15. You drove home and changed out of your testing outfit which was just sweatpants and a hoodie and put on something a little more presentable. Sure you were just going to hang out with your best friend but he also is the boy you’ve been pining over for months. You’ve always found Connor attractive and when he put dickhead Klienman in his place that made him all the more hot. But then you really got to know him and you fell. Hard.  He was sweet, caring, smart, and funny. Sure he had his moments but so did everyone on the planet. He had actually opened up to you about his struggles with his mental health and you did everything you could to support him. You encouraged him to ask his parents for therapy, and always made sure he took his meds in the morning. You were there for him and he was always there for you.  

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard the horn of Connor’s truck outside your house. You rushed outside and got into the passenger seat, “So where to Murphy?”

“I was thinking we could get some food and just chill in a parking lot somewhere. Sound cool?”

“Definitely. I’ve missed hanging out with you. Stupid finals,” you say with a dramatic eye roll. 

“Yeah I’ve missed hanging out with you too dork,” he says reaching over the center console and ruffling your hair. 

“Connor Murphy! I just brushed my hair and here you go messing it up!” you say while trying to fix your now disbelieved hair. 

“Whatever L/N. It still looks fine to me.”  Although it was barely a compliment, heat still rushed to your cheeks. He pulled out of your driveway and the two of you were off. On the way to get food you guys caught up talking about everything you missed in the world of Connor because you were too focused on finals. He told you he finished a TV show you recommend and loved it.  You made it to the drive through and Connor ordered, already knowing what you wanted from your many midnight outings. Once you got your food you made your way to the plaza parking lot where the restaurant was located. For the first couple minutes the two of you sat in a comfortable silence listening to the playlist Connor had made for this type of occasion. After a few minutes Connor suddenly spoke, “Can I tell you something?”

“Connor dearest you know you can tell me anything,” you say with a french fry in your mouth, not even bothering to look at him. 

“I like you.” You choked on the fry you had in your mouth. 

“Pardon?” you say through a cough. 

“I said I like you,” he says, a little less sure of himself. When you looked over at Connor you saw he was staring straight ahead. 

“Hey Connor.” 

“Mhm,” he says, not daring to move. 

“Look at me.” He just barely turned his head towards you. “I like you too idiot.”