Caffeine Is Pumping Thru My Blood Thanks To This Crazy Pink Monster I Need Loud Music Asap Ohmygod

do you guys ever feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with you? I constantly feel like I'm too much, or not enough. I'm too fat or too thin, too loud or too quiet, too little or too big, too young to feel the way I do, old enough to know better, I care too much or not enough and it hurts

hello universe i am reaching out to you to lock me in an apartment in nyc with no food and just a clingy cat to lounge with on the living room floor all day long

or am i supposed to get a job

poemy rant

Nobody ever called me fat. Nobody ever said there was something wrong with my body, ever.

Yet I am the one who chose to inflict this mentality upon myself. My stomach and thighs suddenly doubled in size one day when I realized most of my friends carried smaller bodies. They never had to think once about losing weight because they were already naturally gifted with those bodies. They didn't have to eat less or exercise. But most importantly, they were happy with what they had. They weren't miserable like me, wishing I could cut the fat off using my bare hands.

It makes me sad whenever I see them snacking or buying a whole box of donuts at the grocery store just because they feel like it. They don't think twice about the calories and how much they're allowed to eat for the rest of the day. They even mock me for checking the calories every time and warn me about how many I'm about to ingest if I take a bite out of an unhealthy snack. They've repeatedly told me they don't see anything wrong with my body and how they wish they had thighs like me because theirs are too thin.

So why do I feel like this? Where did this come from? When did having a flat stomach and stick legs become my goals?

Nothing ever feels good enough anymore. I look at the scale some mornings and bawl my eyes out because it's not the number I want to see, even though I'm technically underweight. But I don't feel like that at all. I'll consider myself underweight when there is no fat left to jiggle when I run, and no extra skin to pinch or poke at. When I'm running so low on energy I can feel my brain shutting off, my legs trembling and ultimately collapsing. I'll be on the ground, limp and exhausted as I fall into a deep sleep.

I'll be desolate, but I'll be thin. I'll be happy in a bikini just like my friends, proudly showing off the body I worked so hard for.

Hopefully.

stop trying to make your draft perfect on the first try. your characters don’t care. your plot doesn’t care. even the imaginary readers in your head don’t care because they don’t exist yet. just write the terrible version. write the cringey dialogue and the scenes that go nowhere and the metaphors so bad they make you cringe into next week. because guess what? you can’t edit a blank page, but you can edit a hot mess. embrace it.

Paz de la Huerta and her paintings

the biggest mistake u can do is start eating something u know will make u binge. like no, it's not going to be different this time😭 be ffr

me bc unfortunately i need male validation for motivation. sometimes

he will soon have to see you in a bikini, lock in!!

Love days when no one is home for dinner cause I can just not eat!! 😛😛😛😛🙏🙏🙏

peak 3d behaviour for me is browsing those relatable food content pages like a magazine catalog and seeing which junk recipe I should omad to

i have small dog syndrome but in the way that it’s my ed in its loser corner of my brain that keeps shouting mean things every fucking second