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why are we underwater

the fuck do you mean. which part of the phrase hetero jessica is against community guidelines

"I did it for you" has gotta be my favorite form of betrayal. You gave me a gift I never asked for, and now I have to look around at the world you destroyed with the knowledge that it was gift wrapped and addressed to me.

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUPPPPP

kill the shift manager in your brain

I'm sure he knows plenty, probably even was a part in the due process required! Go get'em, Alice !!!

oh yeah the creatures that eats parents is definitely going to know something about the 'orphan process'

wooww I'm so normal so normal me I'm normal normal like me like normal me normal totally wow normal me like me like totally me normal me normal like so so normal like me

I'm so so sorry but the thought of alia seeing John, the eldritch creature that is a fragment of the king in yellow as a nondark entity is so. SO GODDAMN REWARDING. THAT'S EXACTLY WHY WE'RE HERE!! JOHN DOE GROWING AS A PERSON, BECOMING ALL THINGS HUMAN GOOD AND BAD....he is not a malicious, dark entity anymore. He is not a fragment of the king in yellow. He's just John. John Doe. As small as it is, compared to the real thing, he really is the captain of his soul. Kill me now

malevolent chapter 49 spoilers!

(the most rambling of thoughts)

-i went into this episode with some spoilers cause i couldn’t listen to the ep until late in the evening, and couldn’t help myself when it came to browsing tumblr

those were: oscar’s letter being illegible ( not too surprised about that one, given the constant rain, the mud, the blood loss, and the swimming/wading through bodies of water. i’d have been shocked if it survived)

arthur lester crashes out (again)

arthur and john reunited with the dearly beloved and missed cast member: “falling in holes”

and arthur uses All Of The Bullets

this turned the episode into a fun mystery game for me (on top of the in-episode murder mystery), trying to figure out when these things would occur

anyway onto the actual episode

- we saw it a lot last episode but i looooove seeing how much john is stepping up and pulling extra weight for arthur while he’s unwell. it’s sooo different from the dysfunctional dynamic they had when dealing with other people during season 4.

i’ll never get tired of seeing the contrast against past events of how far the boys have come and changed

-arthur sure is doing. Really! Bad! uh oh!

-despite that he still gets some great great spotlight of his people skills, dealing with the suspicious and unpredictable castle gang, and the one-on-one intimidation with the friar

-the friar in fact, did not do it, as i thought, but the lord everard reveal is way more interesting so i like this outcome

-something about benevolent christmas special referencing the falling in holes thing, and a new incident of Arthur and John Fall in a Hole being in an episode that released on christmas day is very funny to me, even though i know the part of the episode featuring Falling in a Hole most likely released a couple weeks ago

- arthur giving up because he doesn’t believe that on a fundamental, physical level he’s capable of pushing on and surviving is so heartbreaking to listen to.

despite knowing this is Malevolent, i somehow wasn’t expecting to get emotional this episode!

i got lulled into a false sense of security by the previous episodes (which were pretty chill, compared to the standard), even though i knew they were luring me into a false sense of security

- john reciting Invictus to arthur is so ougggh aggghh oof ouch my heart, i loved it. but also it makes me crazy and i can’t stop thinking about it because

when arthur has referenced pieces of Invictus in the past, john didn’t recognize it.

since john has picked up knowledge of human experiences and poetry from arthur, in some sort of bleed-over of knowledge due to their shared state of being, we can assume that Invictus is not among that selection that bled over.

when john asks about it, arthur specifically says it’s “not for you”, keeping a poem that’s so meaningful to him close to his chest.

it makes sense, this was during the prison pits, and the last thing that arthur shared that was important to him, was wielded against him, painfully.

arthur does recite Invictus to yellow, but he was drunk/poisoned, and given the way he brushes off questions the next day, i assume he wouldn’t have freely recited it had he had all of his faculties about him.

but now, after all that’s happened, how arthur and john’s relationship has changed so drastically from the way it was in the dreamlands.

now john has been able to pick up the poem, accumulated as part of the bleed-over knowledge. i don’t think there’s any conscious control on the part of either party when it comes to what knowledge is shared with john, but it feels significant that Now he has access to it, after all this time.

and what he does with it, is he uses it to raise arthur up. to support and try and encourage arthur to push on. head bloodied, but unbowed.

these two make me so crazy it’s insane!!!!!!!

- anyways, because i’m also crazy about kayne, when john mentioned the coin, and then a voice that i didn’t immediately realize was everard spoke, i did very briefly freak out going “omg kayne??? kayne??? kayne???” before coming to my senses.

- also it’s delightful that the boys found an ally here?? i really wasn’t expecting that honestly, after season four, given the circumstances they were placed into, i thought this season would be a return to form of the pair having no one they can safely trust, other than themselves. very neat to be proven wrong!

and it’s a very delightful way to twist it that ultimately they can’t rely upon/work with this ally in the end, because they’re stuck working for one of those very “dark forces” that everard is working against.

- YAY WAHOO for arthur getting healed from his sickness, but i am very curious about how the next episode will go, given that it’s “not simple” and “will take some time”.

it’s possible there will be a short time skip, but i feel like an episode about curing a magical sickness and ridding arthur of horrig’s influence, has potential to be another character development bottle episode of sorts, like The Nightmare.

also can alia detect john?? will she be able to detect john when healing arthur??

what if she deems john as some “dark force” that arthur needs healed from as well

or what if she deems john is Not a “dark force” (that one would make me cry)

i can’t wait for the next ep

jonathan sims, everyone.

wwhhhatt tthe hhhelll........

"You can’t separate us, not unless we’re willing to do so."

i saw a gwen archivist au and now my brain keeps saying “gwarchivist” i can’t stop fucking laughing