What If The Pines Family Were Cursed To Have Constantly Terrible Love Lives.

what if the pines family were cursed to have constantly terrible love lives.

like Filbrick pissed on some ancient enchantress so bad that she decided to curse the bloodline. That’s why no pines can get a date that lasts.

wrote this a while ago on the tube. Please steal the idea and run with it. Idk if I’m gonna…

The love curse

Dipper wanted to ask Pacifica Northwest out. They’d been friends for 4 years, texted all the time, and they kept having these intimate moments that ended in awkwardness. Pacifica even said she’d be upset if Dipper dated someone else! It was practically a done deal.

Except every time he tried to ask her out, something went comically wrong. The first time, at the beginning of the summer, dipper was about to ask, when Stan came out completely naked. Apparently, he’d pissed off a gang of pixies, who kept stealing Stan’s clothes as he was putting them on. Needless to say, it ruined the moment.

The second time, they were at the lake. It was just Dipper and Pacifica, a nice quiet day. But just as the sun was setting and Dipper was about to ask, the Gobblewonker decided to take a bite out of the boat, and they had to swim to shore. The gobblewonker barely came out in the day! It was absurd!

Then there was the time with the gnomes, that one time a piano fell out of nowhere, when Ford accidentally set the stanleymobile on fire, when that witch decided to turn pacifica into a tapeworm… it was frankly ridiculous how many things kept getting in their way. After the 27th time, Dipper had had enough.

“I don’t get it, Mabel!” Dipper said, pacing around their room, “Yesterday, i tried to ask her out and I was STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!  It wasn’t even raining! It’s like I’m cursed or something!”

Mabel was dressing up waddles as she considered this. “maybe you ARE cursed, dip!”

Dipper stopped pacing and turned to Mabel.

“OF COURSE! That’s the ONLY. Possible explanation! Someone or something must be pissed that I’m trying to ask Pacifica out!” Dipper resumed his pacing. “But who…”

Mabel looked at dipper with wide eyes. “I have an idea, dipper! The Woodstick Festival is back in town next week, and guess who’s going to be there” Mabel shoved a poster in Dipper’s face. He grabbed it and then looked at Mabel.

“The love god? Doesn’t he hate you for stealing his potion or something?”

Mabel waved him off.

“Pffft water under the bridge, brother. We can ask him for advice on whatever love curse you got!”

So the next day, the two went looking for the Love God. It wasn’t hard, they just had to follow the trail of kissing teens to greasy’s. They sat opposite from him, uninvited, and gave him a look.

“Ah, you kids looking for some love?” Love god said. Dipper glared, and Mabel stuck out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Mabel! Big fan of your work!”

“I know you! You stole my love potion!”

Mabel looked away sheepishly. “ uh… sorry about that. I realised it was a bad idea pretty quick. Anyway my brother needs your help!”

Love god turned to look at Dipper. He gave him a charming grin. “How can I help you, kid! You seem like you would be into …” Love God closed his eyes and wiggled his fingers, “…lumberjacks and mean girls. I can do that in a heartbeat, just say the word!”

Dipper blushed. “Um no thanks, mr Love God. Actually I think I’m cursed.”

“Ahh” replied Love God, “I see what’s going on. Look, kid, it’s normal for boys your age to feel like you’re cursed when It comes to lo-“

“Like actually cursed! Not just bad at talking to women!” Said dipper. The love god gave him a strange look. 

“Kid I’m telling you, it’s probably nothing.”

Dipper sighed. “Can you just check! Please, then we’ll leave you alone.”

The love god sighed and held out his hand. Warily, dipper took it. Love God sprayed some blue liquid onto dippers face and waved his arms around. He looked confused, so he did it again. And again. He then let go of dipper’s hand.

“What is it?” Asked dipper. Love God ignored him and turned to Mabel.

“Give me your hand…”

Mabel offered it and Love god did the same to Mabel. He gave both of them a grave look.

—————————

“Our bloodline is cursed?!” Cried Ford at dinner that night. 

“That’s what the love god said” dipper said with a sigh, “cursed to have terrible love lives.”

“Honestly, that explains some things” said Stan.

“The worst part” cried Mabel, “is that we can’t break it without figuring out who cast it! How am I supposed to find the perfect boyfriend like this!” She cried into the table. Ford got a look of consideration on his face, before he pulled out the second journal.

“Don’t worry kids, we can summon the person who cast the curse with this Curse Tracing spell I found in the 70s! It will bring them here, and then we can demand they break it!”

So half an hour later, the Pines’ were standing in a circle, chanting something in Latin.

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the idea I had was that the Pines (read: Stan) have to reconcile with all their exes before the curse is lifted. I think it would be funny. But please! Steal the idea! Make it your own! I want other people’s ideas constantly.