Falling In Love With Jemaine Clement And Taika Waititi

This ‘Swim Reaper’ Instagram Account Is Absolute Gold

i dont even interpret “uwu” as a smiley i just read it as “oo woo”

Some hostile alien: I could kill you if I wanted to, human.

Bones: Yeah? So could another human being.

Alien:

Bones: So could a dog.

Alien:

Bones: So could a dedicated duck.

Alien:

Bones: You aren't special.

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

one of my fave mads faces is the ‘your french is too fast’ face

The Queen has requested that everybody with a knighthood attend a meeting at Windsor Castle. Speaking to the sizeable crowd of ageing actors and retired musicians, she explains why - The dragons are back, and she expects that every knight will do his duty.

Do yall also have these mutuals that you just??? Grew really fond of?? Like, you never properly talk to them and all you do is like each other’s posts but whenever you see them on your dash you’re like “hello sunshine, I hope you’re drinking lots of water and being happy your health and wellbeing is so important to me” and I hope that’s not weird because honestly that’s me all the time