#. 𝐕𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧 | 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲

jaemin in a tank top 😳

But an unquenchable love for you has never left me...

{Quotes: Alejandra Pizarnik, Approximations/Simone de Beauvoir, from Diary of a Philosophy Student: Volume 2, 1928-9; Sunday, October 7/chen chen, nature poem in ‘when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities’/sue zhao/ Sylvia path / Maggie Nelson, Bluets/Richard siken/Ingeborg Bachmann, In the Storm of Roses from ‘The Poem for the Reader’, tr. Mark Anderson ,paintings: pinterest}

just say it

summary: you think mark has fallen out of love. he insists he did not.

notes: swearing, was listening to sza's special oh gosh i just remembered mark liked this song from sos omg?????? will proofread some other time it's literally 2 in the morning here night night

genre: angst because i never write fluff! | word count: 1k -

“mark?” you called the boy who was humming the chorus of coldplay’s yellow. he was sitting in the living room after a cold, quiet dinner you both shared. he seemed to not notice it,

but you know he was doing it on purpose.

“mark.” you repeated his name again, in hopes to finish what is meant to be finished a long time ago. he didn’t budge. his eyes were fixed on the dried tulips that you used to take care of when you come to his apartment. you always scold mark for not watering them often, then now, here we are—they are far from being saved.

just like this one.

“i’m really tired, mark…”

mark suddenly tilted his head at your direction and said, “i’ll fix the bed, baby.”

“no”, you grabbed his wrist by the time he was already walking towards the bedroom. “mark-”

but he swatted your hand away and opened the lights instead. the room still feels the same. it smells like him—his perfume lingered across the room. the bed looks inviting but seemed cold. there sat his green hoodie—your favorite hoodie—on the mattress; almost wrinkled, dryly wrung.

mark opened his closet and brought out two extra pillows. he placed them on the top of the bed. “we always share the duvet, right?”

“stop this, mark.” you tried to protest but he kept crouching to fix the bed. he was smoothing it with his hands, trying to perfect any loose edges and all. he patted the pillows that you used to lay your head onto.

“mark!”

he stopped in his tracks and finally looked at you.

he was already crying.

“i…” you stammered but you cleared your throat to continue. “i know that you feel it, too.”

“bed’s ready, baby.”

“we’re no longer the same, mark.”

“do you want me to turn on the heater?”

there is no way mark is having this conversation, he thought it himself. but good god, you have to.

it was so difficult to witness how the bright smiles turned into faltering ones. the hugs he gives, they seemed like a chore. his eyes spark whenever he goes on a trip with his friends, and never to the plans you ought to make. him coming home and you felt honesty finally left between the two of you. he never smelled sex or an unfamiliar perfume, but these are just the little things that added to the pining, gradual changes, that turned so fucking bittersweet, it felt like it was twisting your guts every single day.

and you have already thought of it: mark has fallen out of love.

“i need to hear it from you so i don’t have to think what i’ve done wrong and whatnot—because i’m so tired; tired of whatever the fuck this is.” you were begging at this point. you heard him sniffling while wiping his tears away. “just say it.”

you reached for his damp hands and squeezed them so firmly. mark looked at you; so helpless, so naive, so vulnerable. he made you like this, mark thought. and he could never forgive himself for ruining you.

“please help me, mark… i just need you to say it.”

“i…” mark started to speak.

you squeezed his hands again, hoping something would finally come out; so desperate, so needy, such pleading, pleading, and endless pleading.

mark looked at you so dearly, with worry on his face; and the sight softened your features. it looked exactly the same when you visited his apartment looking all soaked from the rain. he scolded you for not bringing any umbrella with you. you smiled at the memory and almost nonchalantly, you said:

“help me to help you let me go, mark.”

but mark could not let you go.

every time you tell him that you love him, mark flinches. your love story is nowhere near the perfect fairytale, and uncertainties of the future have consumed mark to convince himself this is not going to last. but every time he pushes you away, you always come back.

why do you always come back? mark seeks answers from god, holding back his cries as he continuously and involuntarily steers himself away from you. what have i done wrong to deserve you; so good, so delicate, so dearly to me? he prays to god as he punishes himself, until the day you waved the white flag finally arrived.

but it would be too cruel, too insufferable, too immensely painful to watch you walk out the door. it would be too painful to feel your scent fading from his green hoodie he always embraces to sleep just because he could not do what his heart wants. the dried tulips, he tried watering them as much as he could, but they were you—so beautiful, so fragile who he wrecked.

so mark pulled you into a kiss; so intense, so desperate, so lovely, and so so apologetic. confusion and yearning consumed you as you deep dive in, but somehow, it spoke volumes—he has set himself free from the demons whispering in his sleep, the nightmares depicting him losing you in a crowd, and the intricate shackles imprisoning his heart.

“i’m sorry for all and for this but i can’t”, mark said as he now stared at your plump lips and back to your searching eyes. “god, i really can’t let you go. i’d be a fucking fool to let you go—not today, not tomorrow, and not in this lifetime or the next.”

you nodded. you understood. and that’s why you kept coming back because there was always your mark that remains despite the despites.

“i love you so much.” he kissed the tips of your fingers and rested your palm on his cheeks, leaning into your touch like a once lost child; so endearing, so passionate, so lovingly.

and you submit to him entirely because you know he's worth it, all of it.

“never ever let me go.”

the urge to just fully depend on a so. to be helpless, clumsy, weak and needy yet completely adored for it.

to want and be wanted

georges bataille / emily palermo / olivia laing / @chaandajaan / georges bataille / cj hauser / @kvetchkween / @nicholasbraungf / vi khi nao / silas denver melvin

“To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.”

— Unknown

morning with haechan *ੈ✩‧₊˚

🌻✨🌙🌿☁

pairing : idol haechan x f reader.

genre : tooth rutting fluff, domestic, established relationship.

summary : to be very straightforward, this was inspired by his ig live in hongkong.

word count : 1648 words.

warnings : reader has period cramps, make-out session, suggestive.

a/n : i wrote this mainly for myself 😔 i love haechan so much 😭

masterlist

buy me a coffee 🥹🫶🏼

if there is a way you could translate the perfect morning, it’d be the way haechan always wraps his arms securely around your body, holding you close to him. it would translate into the way he nuzzles his cute nose into the deepest crook of your neck and breathe in your scent calmly before he opens his eyes. it would be the way he hums softly as his hair tickles your nape and his eyes would notice the goosebumps that would prickle your skin.

but this time, your perfect morning doesn’t seem so perfect anymore when you wake up with atrocious cramps eating out at your lower belly. you can’t open your eyes as you try to control your breathing, your frail fingers catching on haechan’s to ease the pain, or barely try to as it gets stronger.

you curse inside your head and prepare yourself mentally for the hell of a week that’s ahead of you. before an accident would occur, you gently peel yourself away from haechan’s strong grip and hurry to the bathroom. with a deep sigh, you quickly put on a pad and go back to the warmth of the bed.

haechan’s eyes are still closed as he senses you back beside him and without wasting a second, he fumbles around the sheets to wrap his arms around you again, squeezing you into a hug and stretching his body at the same time. you instantly snuggle into his neck before guiding your lips to the mole sitting just below his neck and kissing it gently.

“good morning,” he softly whispers, voice gruff and still dripping with sleep. his morning voice never ceasing to give you butterflies deep inside your tummy.

you hum in response when his fingers start dancing around your lower back, gently massaging your achy muscles. you feel comfortable beside him and your body always seems to feel lighter whenever he’s cuddling into you.

“do you have practice this morning?” you ask with your eyes closed. haechan smiles down at you, a hand still massaging your back while the other slithers inside your hair. his fingers deliver the most tender touches around your ear, the gestures helping you relax even more and melt into him like a burning candle.

you secretly wish he’d have a late start of the day today, just so you can stay glued to him all morning.

“do you want me to stay longer with you?” haechan smiles, his eyes squeezing shut in the process.

your response is just you snuggling closer to his body, your legs wrapping around his.

“hm, clingy girl?” he chuckles as he ruffles your hair, waiting for a verbal answer this time.

you deeply breathe his scent that’s drifting to your nose with every movement of his body. placing another gentle kiss to his neck, you hum. “yes, i want you to stay longer. don’t want you to leave me just yet.”

“okay baby, anything for you,” his thumb dances on your face, the pad kneading around your forehead, temple and the space between your ear and cheek.

“you’re gonna cancel practice?” you pop your eyes open, lifting your face to come closer to his.

“you know i can’t do that, baby,” he pouts, kissing the bridge of your nose before kissing your lips. “but it won’t hurt if i go a bit late.”

you can’t hide your disappointment but you also can’t be greedy while dating an idol. you try to wipe the pout off your face and end up smiling up at him. a stubble has started to from on his chin, giving him a vary sexy look and his lips are beautifully puffy and so kissable, hypnotizing you into pushing your arm up from the sheets and placing your fingers on his pillow-like lips. on instinct, he pressed the tip of his tongue on the corner of his mouth before biting his lower lip and giggling at your sweet actions.

with the pad of his finger still caressing your cheek and yours running through his lower lip, you couldn’t believe that this is true. how he’s here by your side and he loves you way too much for his his own good. and you…your whole existence now has meaning with his name written all over the corners of your body and mind, with touches and kisses and words and hugs imprinted on the map of your skin that he knows oh so well.

you’re not afraid of being an open book to him because he’s so gentle and generous with you. he knows you so well and you don’t mind it one bit. and the same goes for him. he’s never afraid to be vulnerable with you and to unveil his deepest thoughts and feelings because he knows that you’d always have his back, and would love him the way he deserves.

“i’m so in love with you, i can physically feel it.” you confess, taking haechan by surprise.

“yeah?” he whispers, the corners of his lips stretching into a wide smile. with his thumb traveling down to caress your lips, his face gets closer to yours before he places the tenderest, most gently powerful kiss on your lips. your heart skips two beats at a time as he seems to take you into a place far from reality with only his lips dancing around yours.

his soft lips push into yours and mold together to create the perfect pace. your fingers grip his waist, legs pulling him closer into you as if it’s possible to merge into one. your body exudes warmth that can burn his bones down to ashes down your feet, but you would bring him to life over and over again with just one pinch of your fingers. haechan’s heart drums crazily over the curves of his ribcage as his fingers take their usual path to lodge into the swell of your hips, and going down to strongly grip on your butt.

the smallest yet most sinful whine escapes the back of your throat as you arch your back into him, your chest pressing into his, nipples hotly poking his naked chest and igniting a speedy rush of blood to pump angrily down his bundle of nerves. haechan’s breathing quickens and he latches on your lips as if it’s his last mission.

he makes you feel good with everything he does, from his passionate kisses to his sensual touches, he’s got your small heart full of him. and with one last bite on your lower lip, he gently pulls away with it still between his teeth, before it bounces back to its place, a visible thread of saliva stretching between your mouths.

“can you feel it now?” he breathes, hard on top of you. “how much i love you?”

your hazy eyes gaze at each other as if you guys were up in the clouds, your chests rise and fall through a crazy rhythm with fingers still gripping into each other because you can’t get enough.

“more.” you whisper.

“more?” haechan chuckles, pecking your lips softly. “more what, baby?” he tilts his head to the side, his childish side quickly making an appearance after he has just managed to swipe you off your feet, not quite literally since you guys were laying down on the bed.

“i can feel it more now,” you guide his hand to place it on top of your trembling heart, and he smiles proudly at that. “and i always want more of you, haechan. always, always, always.”

“i’m always yours baby, and you can take whatever you want from me, i’m all yours.” his arms wrap around you, giving you the warmest hug before softly pulling away.

“i’ll be back in a sec.” he quickly retreats from your embrace before getting back to bed with a tissue in his hand. you look at him confused before he starts wiping the droplets of sweat that have gathered on top of your cupid’s bow and all around your neck.

your heart swells at his actions and you can’t help the smile from reaching your lips as you notice the pout forming on his mouth from concentrating on wiping your sweat away from your skin.

“are you having bad cramps?” haechan asks, worrisome visible on his face. “you’re sweating so much…” he trails off, voice softening towards the end.

“yes,” you answer, only now realizing the state you’re in. “but you made me forget about them,” you smile tenderly at him.

“i love you so much,” he wraps both his hands around your face, before kissing your forehead. “my strong girl. let me go grab some painkillers for you, hm?” he kisses your forehead again.

you nod your head at him with a smile on your face. you see his silhouette disappear behind the door of the bedroom before you turn to lie on your back. the butterflies inside your tummy getting wilder by the second, with every kind touch and word coming from haechan, you seem to only drown in his love even deeper, especially when he knows what’s wrong with you without you saying anything to him.

you deeply inhale from your nose, when you see him enter the room again, a cup of water and painkillers in hand.

“here,” he helps you sit up, pulling your body up with a hand gently placed on the back of your neck. he then grabs the cup of water and guides it to your lips, smiling at you until you take a sip. “there you go.”

“thank you.”

“anything for my baby,” he smiles before turning his attention to the window behind you. “it seems like it’s gonna rain this morning, how about we put on a movie of your choice?”

“sounds like a perfect morning then.”

and with that, period cramps are long forgotten, and your perfect morning is back again.

back and better.

a/n : this was supposed to be a small haechan drabble…i got carried away SO MUCH!! but blame haechan, don’t blame me 😔 i hope you enjoyed what i wrote, please reblog if you did🫶🏼 my heart is still beating so fast!!🤭

“You ever wonder what people really want from you?”

— Unknown

CUTE MOMENTS WITH BOYFRIEND!HAECHAN !

LATE-NIGHT CALLS. donghyuck moves his body to face the wall as he waits for you to answer the call. the bed in his hotel room in tokyo isn't as comfortable as the one he shares with you and his pillow doesn't have your perfume on it. it's been difficult days since he left to perform the japan concerts that are part of the new nct 127 tour. he crosses out in his mind the days that are missing to feel you in his arms again. “hello, hyuck,” your voice sounds sleepy and for a moment he thinks he's interrupted your sleep. “hello, love. did i wake you up?” he asks softly. on the other end of the line is you, just woken up abruptly by the sound of an incoming call. indeed, he woke you up. however, something inside you limits you and you prefer to innocently lie. “no, honey, you haven't. how about japan, the concert?” a smile spreads across donghyuck's face, he has missed performing in front of his fans. the only thing that makes him happier than that is you. he starts to tell you about his last days and the adrenaline rush that seems to never go away every time he gets on stage. you listen carefully, this life's meant to be his. “i wish you were here with me, though,” the sound of his voice trails off as he blurts put those words. he got used to spending his days by your side and, now that he's miles away from you, he feels somewhat disoriented. “i miss you too, love, but, hey! aren't you enjoying meeting new fans and your time with the boys?” he mutters an almost inaudible yes, he doesn't trust his voice. “then it's worth it, hyuck. tell me more, please.” after taking a deep breath, he manages to swallow the lump that formed in his throat and continues recounting his adventures and moments of enjoyment. he misses you deeply, but he knows you'll be waiting for him with open arms as soon as he walks through the front door again. in his imagination, his fingers entwined with yours lie quietly on the soft sheets as your bodies come face to face. he loves you, and he'll continue his countdown to see and kiss you again.

DOING LAUNDRY TOGETHER. “and then he ate it. he looked at me in the eye and ate it,” donghyuck indignantly recounts how jungwoo ate the last piece of the lunch the group shared while pulling clothes out of the washing machine. “he was probably hungry, hyuck,” you say as you take the clothes in your hands and drop them in one of the baskets. “no, (y/n), he ate his entire plate and then he ate mine. and his plate had double– no! triple what mine had,” you let out a soft chuckle as you walk over to his side and take his face between your hands to plant a delicate kiss on his addictive lips. “you always eat his food, hyuck, let him eat yours,” you say as you kiss him again. “hey! it's no fun if you side with him,” you laugh and his hands travel to your sides to start ticking you. the room is flooded with laughter and screams in seconds and the clothes are forgotten on one side. “are you on his side? does my beautiful girlfriend take someone else's side?” he asks as he continues to tickle your body. “no–” laugh, “it's ju-it's just–” laugh, “s-stop–” laugh. donghyuck ignores your words and continues his attack until his fingers start to ache slightly. your body is lying on the floor and it doesn't take long for him to lie down next to you, but not before leaving a quick kiss on your lips. you move until your head finds his warm chest and he gently kisses it. “i can cook something if you're hungry,” you offer. “let's cook together, love,” your boyfriend replies, “but let me kiss you some more first,” he says as he lifts your face to press his lips against yours. doing laundry can be really fun, donghyuck thinks as he continues to kiss you deeply.

WHEN YOU MAKE THE BEST USE OF SMALL PLACES. “hyuck, i don't fit in there,” you say in an obvious tone. it's been hours since your boyfriend sat in front of his computer and he hasn't paid attention to you ever since. you tried to get some college work done and it was very much productive for the first few hours until you started to miss his touch. you didn't want to bother him since you knew how important it was for him to be focus on his hours of play, but it was inevitable for you to touch his shoulder as soon as you began to get impatient. “yes, you do fit in here, baby, just come.” you boyfriend's best offer was to sit on his lap after you've confessed how much you missed him, however, the chair he's sitting on isn't roomy enough for both of you. “hyuck,” you say complainingly. “wait,” he settles back well into the backrest and grabs you by the waist to position you between his legs, your feet touching the chair. “here we go. wasn't that hard, was it, love?” he asks mockingly. you adjust better so that your head's resting on his chest and his hands press his grip around you tighter, pulling you fully into his body. after a few minutes, you fall into a deep sleep with your fingers firmly gripping his hoodie. “sweet dreams, baby, i love you,” donghyuck says as he places a kiss on the top of your head and continues his game.

ENJOYING THE SILENCE TOGETHER. a heavy rain interrupted the afternoon you had prepared for donghyuck on his day off. you'd go on a picnic in front of the han river, enjoy a nice walk holding hands, and then go home to sleep cuddling all night. it wasn't something very extravagant or big but it had been prepared with a lot of love. the tears that formed in your eyes melted your boyfriend's heart with sadness, he knew you had been waiting for this day for weeks now and suddenly everything was spoiled by the unexpected rain. in an attempt to calm you down, he offered you a quick nap. one hour turned into two, two into three and three into five. by the time you both wake up, the rain had stopped and gray clouds were creeping into the sky. you decided to stay home because it was cold and neither of you wanted the other to get sick. after a couple of kisses, silence inevitably came. while reading your book, donghyuck watches a new drama on his phone. you don't exchange a word but you feel inexplicably comfortable. your legs on his are the only connection needed, aside from your souls. you look at him, you can't believe how lucky you are to have him in your life. he looks at you, he knows that he'll marry you one day.

LATE-NIGHT WALKS HAND BY HAND. night had slowly fallen into seoul. after a date full of love and tenderness to which donghyuck took you with the excuse of celebrating you for being you, you decided to walk under the moonlight enjoying the warm wind and each other's company. the moon you stared at last night as you talked about a dreamy future together is the same one that tonight finds you smiling at each other as you confess your love through whispers and kisses as soft as a feather. there are times when donghyuck feels like he doesn't value you like you deserve, that he doesn't spend enough time with you even though tries, that he doesn't take you out on dates often, that he doesn't kiss you like you deserve to be kissed. you don't complain, though. you know that his hectic schedule sometimes doesn't allow him to be by your side all day, but the fact that he lives the life he has dreamed of comforts you in its entirety. “i love you,” he says as he holds your face in his hands. he leaves a kiss on your forehead, one on each side of your cheeks, one on your nose. then he directs them to your neck until they finally land on your lips. “i love you so much,” he repeats. “my heart has ceased to belong to me since the day i started loving you,” he confesses between kisses. “it's yours, i'm yours,” he whispers with tears in his eyes. he loves you so much it hurts. “i love you, hyuck, i'll love you forever,” you reply, looking into his eyes. “all that i promised you last night will come true, love, i promise,” he says. the moon that keeps each night talk is the same one that witnesses such act of love in its purest expression, and the same one that knows that all the promises he had made to you are patiently waiting to be fulfilled. and the moon knows he will.

dangggg man, tumblr is deffo better than wattpad at making me feel like stabbing myself with a fork

— [7:22 pm] it’s the way mark holds you after a long and stressful day. the way his arms completely engulf you as if he’s trying to shield you from the rest of the world, protecting the one he cherishes the most. he leaves a kiss on your forehead as his heartbeat lulls you to sleep and you can’t help but fall more and more in love with him.

it’s the way mark picks up little things for you when he’s out shopping with the notion that “this reminded me of you” or “I just feel like you’d like this” and you do. you love everything mark gifts you, but nothing can beat the greatest gift you’ve ever received: him.

it’s the way his eyes always find yours in a crowd. the packed parties you frequent courtesy of your mutual friend johnny always ends up in the two of you separated. but with one look, mark is able to spot you, silently asking if you were okay. your eyes tell all. if you were fine, he’d let you mingle with the new friends you meet. if you weren’t, he’d quickly swoop in by your side and save you and link your pinky with his. once again, proving that he was your ultimate safe haven. an angel sent to you personally from the skies above.

it’s the way mark lee tells you he loves you without outright saying it. it’s the way that you can feel it every time you’re in his presence. the love radiates off his body as if he can’t hold it in, wanting the whole world to know. dropping down on one knee, he says nothing as he opens the box. he doesn’t have to with the way his gaze speaks nothing but forever. with you.

from mani’s writing game!   taglist: @deputyjuyeon​​​ @wonjaems​​​ @changminurheart​​​ @exfolitae​​​ @lilacdreams-00​​​ @nycol-ie​​​ @sohnkiss​​ @cookydream​​​ @ahtisa02​

i m now torn to pieces

saying we're too young to stay in love - yangyang imagine

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“I heard he studied in Germany for a few years”

“Oh yeah, I heard that too. I also heard his family is really rich and he can speak like 4 languages”

“But he has a girlfriend though”

“Says who?” one of the girls defensively asked back, school gossip will never be unavoidable. One way or another, people will always find something to talk about. 

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