Omg This + Bonus Points If This Is Yet Another "autistic Genius" Representation. Don't Even Get Me Started

in my country having a diagnosis is highly confidential, too. there is no such thing as "the government knowing about your diagnoses" unless you get evaluated for disability documentation (I have no idea how to translate this to english), which is your choice. besides, who knows when the diagnosis will be useful? waiting for a diagnostic appointment takes several months and is very expensive, so taking an opportunity to sort this thing out when it's possible is good. depending on where someone lives, it can be very harmful to say that having a diagnosis somehow creates disadvantages

at my university the support program for people with asd has been introduced two years ago. it took me almost a year to get everything done, a year of unnecessary suffering. treatment for depression with or wihout adhd can be completely different and having it on paper that in your personal circumstances ssri might not work can save so much time. when someone suspects adhd and the situation calls for introducing medication, it's nice to be able to try right away, not wait several months for a diagnosis. those are just some practical examples of how you never know when diagnosis might be useful

and the validation reason, yeah, that too, it's beneficial to have someone work with you through that stuff. moreover, with professional support there comes someone suggesting solutions and forms of help that one might not even thought of. there are shitty doctors, but there are good ones too, and I think we should talk more about how to find the right ones instead of demonizing getting help

By the way. Before you rush to get a professional diagnosis for a Brain Thing you should really weigh your options. Like do you just want to "prove it" or will this actually give you access to treatment you can't have otherwise? Are the treatment options available worth having the government know you're neurodivergent? Because sometimes it's better to keep things off the record because unfortunately we still live in a very deeply ableist society and you might not want to have more real material oppression stacked against you than you have to

The proof is left as an exercise to the IRS

2 IV 2023

oh god the programming task for today was so annoying. I was supposed to process the MIT database with ECG records, and the annotation part of it was hell. after three hours I finally did it but the anger I felt at that time put me seconds away from throwing my laptop out of the window lmao

a recent success is that I calculated the rank of the module that I am working with, the problem is almost solved! when I told my advisor about it he looked so happy, he said that maybe he should start looking for another problem for me to ponder, it was so satisfying. I have a thing for mentors. at each point in my life for which I had a mentor who would teach me my special interest the progress I was making improved significantly and those were always the happiest times of my life. I am not sure if my advisor will stay with me to further show me a way into the research, but it certainly feels like a possibility

today I did some algebraic topology and differential geometry, I'm trying not to fall behind with the material even when I don't feel like studying

next week the easter starts, so I will probably have to visit my family. it's an interesting feeling to see my sister all grown up, there is still the image in my head of when she was barely a teenager and we didn't have much to talk about. now she is almost 18 and the significance of the age difference is nearly gone. when she start university it will be even less noticeable as she will understand what I mean by "fuck my life it's exam session season" lol

for about a week I've been trying to eat more healthy food, it's going fine so far. my biggest problem is that I'm eating way too much sugar but undereating in the general sense at the same time. I'm trying to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet, as well as different kinds of nuts. it's so important to be properly nourished for math and yet I neglect it so much

yesterday I had a conversation with my friend and he said that his vision for doing math is working on some huge open problem such as RH. obviously you do you, but this sounds like such a depressive idea to me lol. chances of solving something like this are almost non-existent, that's such a waste of time to work on something like this for 10, 20, 50 years and make no progress. I mean, it certainly would feel nice to prove or disprove something like RH, but I'm perfectly fine with reading papers and answering all the questions I can anwer, which might not be huge and famous but I'm pretty sure creating those small pieces of theory will be useful to somebody one day

imo euclidean geometry kinda sucks, but if we mean geometry in a more general sense then algebraic geometry is the one

I've decided to start a fight

anyways geometry sucks algebra best math

doing (basic) algebraic topology in this context feels like going to that jungle and saying you know what bring this thing down we are building a city here. everything is a CW complex, everything is euclidean, and compact or paracompact if it must, all of this so that we can forget about sidestepping around topology and do algebra in peace lmao

Measure theory and topology both have this great flavor where you give the most minimal possible definition for the thing you want and then you get all the nice properties, except no, your definition is soft enough to allow crazy nonsense counterexamples hiding behind everything that you have to carefully sidestep around. It's like doing math in a jungle

homotopy groups of fucking spheres

I'm still salty about this half a decade later.

What was the most upsetting result in mathematics for you?

29 X 2022

another exhausting week finally over! fortunately I have two extra weekend days, so I can rest and do my homework without stressing over it

I found another promising youtube channel about learning. and "insanely difficult subjects" sounds about right when it comes to everything that's happening in math

I wish there was more content about learning math specifically. the tips I see, however good and useful for studying memory-based stuff such as biology or history, don't seem to work for math

for now my best method is to study the theory from the textbook, trying to prove everything on my own or if that fails, working through the proofs, coming up with examples of objects and asking (possibly dumb) questions that I then try to answer. afterwards I proceed to solving exercises

recently I've been studying mainly commutative algebra, in particular the localization

we didn't spend much time discussing local rings so I had to find some useful properties on my own. the whole idea of "local properties" is an interesting one and I definitely want to read more about it

I find it to be much more elegant to study localization through its universal property and exact sequences rather than through calculation on elements. it's funny how you can cheat so many of our homework problems by knowing basics of category theory and a little bit of homological algebra

I wonder if it's possible to learn math using mind maps, never actually tried. here is my attempt at doing that for one of the subjects in complex analysis:

other than studying I had to prepare a presentation for one of my courses

the topics were given to us by the professor so I thought it would be boring and technical, but I got lucky to discuss the possible generalizations of the Jordan theorem

now I'm gonna talk about something more personal

this week has been difficult because my brain doesn't enjoy existing. some days I had so many meltdowns and shutdowns, I could barely think and speak, let alone study difficult subjects in math. it's really disappointing, as I thought it got better after introducing new medication, but apparently I still can't handle time pressure and I break very easily when emotions become overwhelming (which they frequently do). one of the most discouraging parts of a neurodivergent brain is that you can't always say "alright then I'll just work harder" when you see that the situation requires it. you can't, because your brain has a certain threshold of "how much can you take before you snap" and no tips for studying when you're tired can change that. if you try, you'll just have a meltdown and your day is over, the rest of it must be spent regaining your strength and all you can do is hoping that tomorrow will be better

I wish I could always simply enjoy math and see it as an escape route from a confusing world of human interaction and unpredictable emotions, but whenever there is a deadline or grading criteria, I can hardly enjoy it anymore. I know that this is not what it's always gonna be, the further I go the less deadlines and exams we have, so I must wait and one day it might be okey

since june I've been trying to discuss accommodations regarding adhd and autism with my university but the process takes forever and I'm slowly losing hope that I will ever have it easier

nonetheless, I'm willing to do everything to achieve the goal of spending my days alone working on developing some new theory. just a few more years and I might start living the dream

for the sake of an updates to this, I didn't get 100% on that topology test. I got 85%, which was the third best score. I finally scored the highest possible final grade on that subject, so I'm satisfied. fuck I love algebraic topology so much and I think she loves me

oh and I scored fucking 54% on the analysis test. I think I had a mental orgasm when I found out about that lmao it felt so good. I finished the course with a grade of 4 (idk if it's universal, so 2=the lowest, failed, 5=the highest) which is the best I ever got in the analysis course

28 V 2022

topology and analysis tests are over, both went I think alright

if I don't get 100% from topo I'm going to be very frustrated, because I studied hard and acquired deep understanding of the material – so far as to be able to hold a lecture for my classmate about any topic

analysis ughhh if I get ≥40% I will be overjoyed. but that's just the specifics of this subject, you study super hard and seem to be entirely ready, you solve all of the problems in prep and then best you can do is 40%. my best score so far was 42%, so anything more than that will be my lifetime record lmao, I want this so bad. I solved two problems entirely I think, which should give 40% already, and some pieces from two more, chances are I get 50%, which would be absolutely amazing

here are some pictures from me transforming math into an art project

stokes theorem

topology

I was thinking about how annoying I find what people say to me when I tell them that I'm not happy with how I'm doing at math. their first idea is to tell me how great I am and how all I do is good enough and shit like that. it doesn't help, it just feels like I am not being taken seriously. when I barely pass anything, am I really supposed to believe that everything is actually good? it feels like they skip getting to know my situation and just tell me what they would tell anyone, automatic

when I try to calm myself down and think something that will keep me going I don't try to force myself to be happy, fuck that, not being content with one's achievements is very fine, I believe not being happy all the time is fully natural and all that positivity feels so fake

instead what seems to work is asking myself where the rational threshold of being ok with how I'm doing is. the thing is I will never be satisfied, whatever I have, I always want more. but I can set the limits in advance and that stops me from falling into self-loathing loops

although what has really changed the game for me was getting a few good grades, finally I am achieving something, anything. people tell me that I should learn to be alright without this external reliance on achievements but how am I supposed to do that when the source of my low moods is precisely getting less than I want? I don't understand why I should brainwash myself into thinking that this is actually not what I want. the trick here is to separate the goal-orientedness from the sense of self-worth. the groundbreaking realization of mine was figuring out that I believe I deserve more than I get, that's why I am unhappy. so now that I am getting what I think what I deserve I obviously feel much better

Zero to the power of anything is zero. Anything to the zeroth power is one. So what is zero to the zeroth power?

The world's most cited mathematicians would seem to be in disagreement about the issue

types of mathematical terminology

descriptive

honeycomb

gradient

quiver

computable

less descriptive

centroid

chaos

end

flag

not descriptive

ring

allegory

surreal

group

you know this person, right?

euclidean

abelianization

grothendieck

cartesian

took some non-english word and hoped for the best

eigen

algebra

shtuka

nullstellensatz

i made up a word!

ergodic

functor

adele

logarithm

idk, just give it a generic name

regular

well

admissible

well-admissible

like, specifically, it’s a vague thing

flasque

lax

fuzzy

pseudo

one symbol and a word

*-algebra

D-module

K-theory

†-compact (although that’s going to usually be written “dagger compact”)

just random letters

rg

cwf

Fσ

erf