27 IV 2022

in my country having a diagnosis is highly confidential, too. there is no such thing as "the government knowing about your diagnoses" unless you get evaluated for disability documentation (I have no idea how to translate this to english), which is your choice. besides, who knows when the diagnosis will be useful? waiting for a diagnostic appointment takes several months and is very expensive, so taking an opportunity to sort this thing out when it's possible is good. depending on where someone lives, it can be very harmful to say that having a diagnosis somehow creates disadvantages

at my university the support program for people with asd has been introduced two years ago. it took me almost a year to get everything done, a year of unnecessary suffering. treatment for depression with or wihout adhd can be completely different and having it on paper that in your personal circumstances ssri might not work can save so much time. when someone suspects adhd and the situation calls for introducing medication, it's nice to be able to try right away, not wait several months for a diagnosis. those are just some practical examples of how you never know when diagnosis might be useful

and the validation reason, yeah, that too, it's beneficial to have someone work with you through that stuff. moreover, with professional support there comes someone suggesting solutions and forms of help that one might not even thought of. there are shitty doctors, but there are good ones too, and I think we should talk more about how to find the right ones instead of demonizing getting help

By the way. Before you rush to get a professional diagnosis for a Brain Thing you should really weigh your options. Like do you just want to "prove it" or will this actually give you access to treatment you can't have otherwise? Are the treatment options available worth having the government know you're neurodivergent? Because sometimes it's better to keep things off the record because unfortunately we still live in a very deeply ableist society and you might not want to have more real material oppression stacked against you than you have to

10-12 VIII 2021

finished the basics of the measure theory and god am i in love

sleep: ok

concentration: good

phone time: good

yeah so now i know what a measurable set and a measurable function is, i'm on my way to lebesgue integration. however, i don't have the intuition for measurable functions yet, just the basics. there are those two theorems that i merely vaguely understand and idk barely can touch them. one of them is lusin, the other one is frechet. they seem very important as they deal with continuity of a function in the context of measurability. and do we love continuous functions my dude yes we do

tomorrow i plan to solve some problems concerning measurable functions and then do topo. i must admit, measure theory devoured me entirely recently and i had a break from topo. gotta fix that. and possibly do some coding

hey be nice to me im just a teenage girl who has legally been an adult for years

ok i get it now, most people need plans and structures so then they can study what they're really into in the future

btw today i'm doing operations on topo spaces, i love that already

i gotta say i don't buy all them planning strategies and tips that require more effort than just sitting and doing the work

i mean that might help some people but i find that when i am doing something important to me i need no plans nor do i need motivation, i also don't procrastinate, everything falls into its right place

and if achieving something takes so much effort in preparation, is this even supposed to be a thing? idk, maybe that's the reason why i have no external proof of my work lol

thinking about the time a prof told us that in real research mathematics it's fine to be slow, speed itself is not essential, as long as you can find it within yourself to make consistent unyielding inexorable forward progress, like the time some guy stole an M60A3 tank and terrorized a suburban neighborhood with it, said guy wasn't going that fast but plowed through cars and telephone poles and shit no problem. i'm not kidding that's what he said, that's the metaphor he used, he told us that the act of mathematics is like the 1995 san diego tank rampage

You think math should relate to the real world? What are you, some kind of physicist? Get the fuck out of here

this is a strawman. the distinction into the inattentive presentation and the hyperactive presentation is useful, because stimulant-based medication usually helps with the first kind of symptoms and the medication like atomoxetine will help mostly with the hyperactive symptoms such as emotional dysregulation or restlessness

the picture that made OP so angry was probably made by someone who has nothing to do with being trained in psychology, because there is something called combined presentation, which is what it sounds like: symptoms that are both from the inattentive and the hyperactive presentation

the term inattentive adhd makes sense because the deficits in the brain that cause the inattentive symptoms are similar to those with the hyperactive presentation, that's why they changed the name. it is literally the same disorder, just different presentations. besides, "inattentive" is just a name, every psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in adhd knows that the problems come from regulating and directing attention

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I started replying before finishing reading the post and oh my god it gets even better? this is a joke right? please tell me that I started replying in a serious manner to a post that is supposed to be a joke because the other option is that someone seriously wrote something so stupid and believes it, and I don't want this to be true

okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

30 VII 2021

did some stuff today. found out my cat would die tomorrow if it wasn't for an operation he had today, that didn't feel good but also oh god was he lucky

sleep: better but still trash. yesterday fell asleep between 3 and 4, today planning to go to bed at 3 so in a few minutes

concentration: not as great. couldn't focus because my cat was fucking dying

bo phone time: decent

did some topo today, i think i managed to understand the idea behind the quotient spaces and i really liked it. can't wait to dive deeper tomorrow. other than that i wrote a method that takes a parametric function and provides a partition dividing the curve into k intervals. also i'm almost done with the art comission

sooo tomorrow i plan to finish the code, i want to achieve the functionality that takes a parametric function and draws it with a dashed line. that's why i needed the partition, it's gonna look fucking beautiful. and i need to complete the comission. i hope there will be some time left for quotient spaces, i am very hyped. oh and i forgot i'm drinking tomorrow. so i guess no topo for that gal. eh