One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

— the early years. i’ve forgotten if…

…they were good for you, weren’t they?

— the best

By some supernatural accident, Batman and Superman swap bodies. But the accident was just so embarassing that they collectively decided to NOT tell anyone about, and figure out how to reverse it all on their own. But, unfortunately, this means they now have to keep up this farce in front of their families

Clark, in Bruce's body, wiping some blood off his mouth and wincing at the 15 cracked ribs he now has: Guess I can bleed, huh

Dick, staring in disbelief after the patrol: YES OFCOURSE YOU CAN!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU THROW YOURSELF DIRECTLY ON TOP OF A GRENADE-

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Bruce, in Clark's body, squinting at the bright smallville sun at the Kent farm: This is way too much for 11 am

Jon, staring at his newly grumpy dad: I think batman is a bad influence on you, dad

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Clark in Bruce's body, staring at his reflection in the mirror: The shoulder to waist ratio is insane, such a grabbable waist

Poor Tim, who accidentally overheard this, getting ready to call Arkham: Uhuh it's definitely, insane

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Kon: And so I said, ofcourse, i would love the soup-er salad!

Bruce in Clark's body, deadpan expression on his face:

Kon: Get it? Soup-er salad?

Bruce: Yes

Kon, sad puppy expression: You always laugh at soup puns :(

Bruce, now with an Extremely Forced little smile: Yes it was very....funny

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Clark, in Bruce's body, rushing to hug a visibly bleeding Jason who walked into the cave after patrol: What happened?! Are you okay?

Jason, freezing up because the last time Bruce ran to hug him was, never:

Clark, immediately backing up, and speaking with a deliberately gruff voice: I mean. Is the blood yours? Son.

Jason:...no

I’m a sucker for genderqueer!Tim Drake getting gifted Martha Wayne’s pearls the day Bruce finally adopts them. Bruce always promised himself he’d give the pearls to his first daughter and it’s a gift to welcome Tim into the family and also affirm his gender.

Bruce loves when his kids take symbols of tragedy and makes something beautiful and new. Like when Tim buys the theatre and turns it into a his nest. So I don’t see Martha’s jewelry or Thomas’s accessories being any different.

Maybe he gifts Babs his mom’s blue broach for her something old, something blue the day she marries Dick. Cass has dangly pearl earrings she keeps safe on her person even if she doesn’t always wear them. Dick gets his father’s watch. And Jason definitely fits into all of Thomas’ old suits. Damian gets his grandfather’s stethoscope the day he graduates from med school.

Just Bruce handing down heirlooms so his parents live on in the details of the lives his children build.

When you’re both hot you get sexualized to hell and back. When you’re both the favorite child and the sacrificial lamb. When you both have dysfunctional families. When you’re both royalty in chains bound by your fathers’ commands. When you both had to grow up in battle. When you both learn no one will save you but yourself yet you’re expected to save everyone else. When you’re both

The girls <3

DAVID CORENSWET as CLARK KENT / SUPERMAN New Superman (2025) Trailer

His evil son

Jason is that one unemployed sibling who texts you weird shit at 3:27 pm on a Tuesday.

Like, Dick, sweating his ass off in his police uniform getting a text from Jason, which btw, extremely rare- and it's just a Twin tomato (two tomatoes grown as one ykwim) and captioned w "ur ass"

or Tim is in the middle of his board meeting and he gets an email from Red Hood and hes like stressing out chcking it only to find a pic of his apartment's kitchen's pantry asking "why dont you have salt?"

and then damian coming back from school to see his phone full of texts from Jason and it's all pics of ugly animals and every pic is captioned with "u" "u again" "wow u"

Bruce getting a morse code going "check phone" and it's a video of Jason flying away on an alien helicopter contraption with Roy yelling after him asking him to get down and jason saying he doesnt know how this shit works.

I need Tim, Damian, and Jason to wear matching 'Ra's Al Ghul traumatized me and all I got was this lousy t-shirt' shirts

Comic - Detective Comics #1100 Cover

Art by Bruno Redondo

DC Comics (2025)