When She Says She Doesn’t Send Nudes

@g0dwat3r get your ass over here I'm calling you out for making me read alpha x omega shit

My brother while we're at the gym: I'm gonna move onto a different machine, do you wanna use this one?

Me, knowing we're both on leg day: sure!

My brother: it's on kinda heavy so-

Me: ...dude... This is only 100 pounds.

My brother:

My brother: tf you mean only 100

YOU DIDNT HAVE TO REBLOG IT??

I'm gonna write about it here because I have honestly no shame on this account

Does anyone else cry when they pee? Because I do and it's not because I'm in pain or anything because I'm not, I've been crying since I was a little kid every time I take a piss and it's like- uncontrollable too

My mom: works really hard on dinner for Easter and is in a really good mood today

Me, choking down the ham she made so she won't feel bad (I hate ham):

Congrats to @toastoat and @ironicbaking being the only survivors

“ummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ ”

Nothing makes me blush more than pretty boys in dresses and pretty girls in suits

Today I was talking about SpongeBob with my family. I accidentally pronounced the chum bucket as the cum bucket. It was today I learned that I don't like the word chum

This is basically Patroclus when he comes across a fish man.

What's with Patroclus really liking fish people

REBLOG WHILE RELEVANT