Him

My Hurricane

The clouds roll in

Lightning flashes

The storm falls

I saw you

So beautiful, so wild

A force to be reckoned with

Leaving me again

In awe and in ruins.

I knew I loved you then, but I didn't tell

You've only fallen and I wasn't well

Cold, cold days with arms wrapped mine

Flowers were wilting, and you're looking for a sign

I want to be better, you want me to be yours

I keep screaming, screaming 'till my voice is hoarse

But you didn't know, didn't know 'cause you were deaf and blinded

I was paralyzed, trying to be found, you're lost, we're both stranded

I was rage, you were kindness, we made a home out of lies

Second chances, third ones, a promise that flies

A pair of wings growing while one withers away

I will never deserve you, I didn't ask for you to stay.

I want to write everything that doesn't make sense

About you, the moonlight, the fence

But even if I did manage to put them into words

It won't be different, still the same repetitive chords.

Ashes

I feel the hatred in your eyes as you look at me

It was once love, now tell me, what do you see?

A monster with your bloodied heart in her hands

A cruel savage wreaking havoc in these lands

Oh I know, I know, an apology won't cut it

But please believe that I meant every bit

I told you, I told you, don't give me something I do not deserve

I'm only meant from afar, something to be observed

I am chaos, I destroy everything I touch

Now, the pieces shatter, as you resent me and watch.

I can freely admit that I didn't deserve them. Not then. Not with all the pain I've caused them.

I just checked this out, and wow, thank you for introducing me to such a beautiful song. It does remind me of our dynamic. She was love of course, and I was hate.

I knew I loved you then, but I didn't tell

You've only fallen and I wasn't well

Cold, cold days with arms wrapped mine

Flowers were wilting, and you're looking for a sign

I want to be better, you want me to be yours

I keep screaming, screaming 'till my voice is hoarse

But you didn't know, didn't know 'cause you were deaf and blinded

I was paralyzed, trying to be found, you're lost, we're both stranded

I was rage, you were kindness, we made a home out of lies

Second chances, third ones, a promise that flies

A pair of wings growing while one withers away

I will never deserve you, I didn't ask for you to stay.

Hoping

I wonder if I flit through your mind

If there are times you still try to find

Me, in those songs, those places

If in your life, I left some spaces

For you part me with a void, an aching in my soul

The face I look for in the crowd, the name I try to howl

Or maybe you don't even remember

The girl you've given a hasty farewell that chilly December.

Words, Words, Words

I write not because it make things better. I write because it's the only thing I know. And I know it's dumb. Words are very unreliable, yet it's the only thing I could hold on to. It's my rope. I know people tend to break them every time, but I don't care. I'll still hold on to it like its my last piece of thread. And maybe that's the reason behind my brokenness. Because I try to latched on the thing that people barely keep. But I can't help it. Words, writing them down, it doesn't always make everything clearer, but for me, it's the only thing that makes sense. The only constant in my life that I could turn to no matter what. And there's no word for everything. There are feelings and experiences that I cannot fathom into phrases or sentences. But somehow, when everything is fading too fast, and I'm alone and lost and confused, these breakable, limited words became enough for me. Not enough to be fine and happy, but enough to survive. And I hope it'll be enough for another day, because I honestly don't know what to do if it isn't.