Oh My God Kids You Can’t Just Ask Your Dad Why He’s White

I wonder how long Nebula’s lifespan is? will she live to see tony’s grandchildren? his great grandchildren?

Okay but think about how, in the alternate 2012 timeline, the Time Heist Squad left behind an entire elevator full of Hydra agents who think Captain America is one of them. Think about how Captain America just had his patriotic butt whooped by a doppelgänger who told him Bucky’s still alive and then complimented his ass. He must be so confused. The Hydra agents must be so confused, but like, they’re Hydra. It’s probably in the Secret Evil Organization Handbook to never, ever talk about who’s in it. It’s like the very first rule of being a successful sci-fi Nazi: If you somehow get a guy called Captain America to join a secret Nazi organization, you do not talk about it. You keep that on the down low so that you have the ultimate double agent on your side. So Captain America is probably wandering around in the Good Ol’ 21st century, confused out of his mind, likely wondering what WiFi is and how he can find Bucky and where he can find Bucky and how could Bucky still be alive and is it America’s ass, really? And then one of the SHIELD agents that he’s met maybe like, twice before walks up to him and before Steve can even give so much as a How Do You Freakin’ Do the motherduffer is whispering Hail Hydra in Steve “I committed multiple felonies for the chance to punch Hitler in the face and I never actually got to do it” Rogers’s ear and shoving a briefcase full of soldier enhancement serum and Pentagon secrets and like, the secret recipe for Coca-Cola or whatever it is that secret Nazi organizations care about into his hand. And Steve. Steve may not know how Twitter works. He may not know emoji etiquette yet. He may not know why bananas are suddenly so weird or why having a lot of people following you is now a good thing. But Steve. Steve knows how to fight him some Nazis. He takes the suitcase. He Hail Hydras back. And then he busts his (America’s) ass back to Avengers Tower like guys you will not believe what is going down I thought we were done with Nazis in the FORTIES. Cue the Avengers trying to take down Hydra super early in the game without anyone knowing it’s the Avengers that are attacking the Hydra bases so that Steve can keep playing the double agent. Cue them trying to figure out who they can trust and who they can’t in SHIELD. And every time—every time—they bring someone else into the fold, they have to explain to them they have an agent who’s infiltrated Hydra, and every time, the person in question thinks it’s Natasha.

And no. It’s Steve.

“How in the hell did you convince them that Captain America is a Nazi?”

And that’s the best part.

Because they have no idea.

Beware

✨the soul gazing experience✨

every episode of house ever

*episode opens with patient going about their every day life*

patient: owww my everything

*patient goes to hospital*

house: okay guys got any ideas

literally everyone: ehh probably meningitis

house: well you're wrong give him a lumbar puncture

foreman: house despite you being the head of our team we obviously know more than you

house: *joke about foreman being black*

foreman:

house:

foreman:

house:

chase: hey cameron you wanna bang later

cameron: fuk u

chase: eyyy she wants me ;0

patient: oww my everything

cameron: the patient is getting worse house what do we do

house: pfff fuck if i know

cameron: damn house you suck you're a terrible doctor he obviously has meningitis

house: give him some drugz idk

cameron: wow guys did you hear house telling us to give the patient drugs? damn he's a great doctor wouldn't you just like to bang him?

chase: >:(

cuddy: house go work in the clinic

house: no

cuddy: do it or else

house: ugh fine

*insert some comic-relief scene of house in the clinic with a dumb patient*

*meanwhile the first patient gets worse*

patient: owww now my eyes are green

chase: house his eyes are green and he is literally on the brink of death what do we do

*INSERT 30 SECOND LONG MONTAGE OF HOUSE GOING OVER THE FACTS*

house: gREEN EYES?! THIS IS A SIGN OF TITTY DEFLATION!

*insert a 3D animation of how the disease works with voice over of how it works*

house: only a shot of the super-duper-illegal anti-titty deflation vaccine that has not yet been made legal can save him now

cuddy: NO

house: YES

cuddy: NO

house: YES

cuddy: NO

house: fuk u bitch i do what i want lmao cuddy? more like slutty ayyyy

*house gives patient cure*

patient: wow, doctor! by some miracle you've cured me! And even the chronic pain in my back was fixed!

house: yet another symptom of your titty deflation

wilson: how did he have titty deflation? he doesn't have titties

house: shut up, wilson, you were probably irrelevant this episode

*"You Can't Always Get What You Want" plays*

WHAT HAPPENED TO FLEAMONT AND EUPHEMIA POTTER?!

they died of dragon pox sometime after james and lily got married, but before harry was born, so between 1978 - 1980.

Upon learning of the chaotic vodka family, the rest of the Avengers would full heartedly believe that Natasha houses the one brain cell. How could she not? She’s Natasha.

To the surprise of all, Melina is the one who houses the brain cell in this family of chaos.

Best. Video. Ever.

Tony, absentmindedly singing as he works because he’s on his fifteenth cup of coffee and -12th hour of sleep: Mama... just killed a man

Stephen, mumbling along from where he’s hovering above the sofa upside down reading a book: Put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he’s dead

Peter, from the ceiling: Mama... life had just begun but now I’ve gone and thrown it all away

Harley, dropping to his knees and dramatically screaming: M A M A-

Everyone mumbling halfheartedly: OooOOooh-

Harley: DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY IF IM NOT BACK AGIAN THIS TIME TOMORROW

Peter, as he stares into the void: Carry on carry on

Everyone, muttering: As if nothing really matters

Rhodey, who just walked in the room: What the fresh f u c k

The importance of this, not just the stakes of this storyline, but also the importance of this chapter of all of our lives culminating in this way…   It really feels like we’re doing something extraordinary.

The Original Six on Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Literally nothing will ever be as satisfying as the 4 minute long fight sequence in Kingsman: The Secret Service, in which Colin Firth mercilessly wastes an entire Westboro Basptist Church like congregation as the guitar solo from Lynard Skynard’s 1973 anthem Freebird plays in the background.