I Have Been Reading A Lot Of Headcanons Of The Justice League, My Favorites Are When Batman Reveals His

honestly the more i think about Hal as an often homeless, broke, frequently unemployed, felon who’s constantly five bad days away from a mental breakdown the less funny jokes about him being constantly belittled and bullied by the multi billionaire personally funding the justice league really are.

Goonion rule #14. If given the chance; always fuck with Batman

Who the bat kids moms are;

Diana/Wonder Woman: everyone

Selina/Catwoman; everyone

Talia Head/Al Ghul; Damian, Jason, Cass, and maybe Tim

Jason should have come back to the manor post-lazarus pit and revealed himself as Jason Todd but not told the rest of the family that he’s also Red Hood. can you imagine how fucking funny that would be.

Nightwing: honestly! my family is fucking INSANE! i swear the only good one is my little brother, he died and came back and decided to ditch the vigilante life.

Red Hood: oh shit really?

Nightwing: honestly probably the smartest one out of all of us, he’s reading in bed while we’re all out here on stakeouts!

Red Hood: interesting. tell me more about how this brother is the best of all of you.

~

Red Hood: so what are you guys getting the smart handsome not-vigilante brother for Christmas?

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

~

Batman: now i need all of you to have an equal share in the clean up-

Red Hood: yeah sorry, you aren’t MY dad, so i’m gonna dip. have fun cleaning!

the funniest part is when Dick and Tim decide that since Red Hood and Jason are so similar and Red Hood CLEARLY seems to like what he hears about Jason, that they should try to set the two up.

Jason, calling Roy at 4am: i need you in Gotham within the next hour so you can dress up as Red Hood and we can pretend that I’m sleeping with myself.

Roy:

Roy: i’m gonna get caught sneaking out of your bedroom with lipstick on your helmet

Jason: this is gonna be the funniest thing we’ve ever done.

when ignoring how fucked up it is, its a wee bit funny to me that steph was the most ethically responsible robin and then the one that bruce treated the worst.

because dick was like 10 when he became robin, what the fuck were you doing making a ten yo go fight crime? plus he was under bruce's care which is like a massive thing of coercion and power dynamics.

jason had like NEGATIVE reason to be robin, he just needed to have a home and therapy probably

tim didnt want to be robin he just thought that batman needed one. and after getting adopted there is once again the issue of being under your virtual boss's care

and Oh God Damian. it was technically dick's fault this time but like kid did not have a choice in the way he was raised and shouldve gotten like happy fun learning to be a kid times not violent child soldier times

all of that compared to steph who

was already a vigilante when meeting bruce

voluntarily chose to be a vigilante

was not under bruce's care or guardianship and had a trusted adult

was almost a legal adult herself

had some fighting experience

like BRO in terms of ethics steph is The Best option and then she was treated like absolute Garbage. wild shit.

there's just someone else for you to take care of

Everyone: girl dad bruce 😔😩😌

Barbara:

What everyone pictures when they say girldad Bruce: Guy who adores Cass and treats her like his little princess and lets her get away with everything and will stay still while she does his hair and paints his nails.

What Barbara has seen that actually fits the girldad label in the most toxic of ways: Projection, holding her to the same impossible standards he holds himself because she's Just That Good, isolating her, possessive and threatened by the thought of her dating aka shotgun dad, in denial that she can be anything less than perfect in a way that actively hurts both of them, that kind of specific girldad misogyny where she IS his little princess but this is Not A Good Thing half of the time. Or even most of the time depending on who you ask. Her father's favourite son in the sense that he doesn't particularly care for anything girly she might be interested in and dismisses most of them as a waste of time, but LOVES sparring and solving cases with her. Swings between overbearing when she's doing well and neglectful/dismissive once she messes up. Give Barbara Gordon a hammer and let her bonk Bruce Wayne on the head with it at least once. She's earned it.

Note: This is preboot Bruce and Cass. New 52 and Rebirth Bruce and Cass are a lot healthier but also a lot simpler.

Head cannon

When Jason and Cassandra patrol together she sits on his shoulders like a cat does

4 year old nephew leaned over to look at my phone screen, pointed at Cass Cain, and said "that's Batban"

When people debate who the most fucked up member of the bats is, they either pick Bruce or Jason. Rightfully so, of course. But neither of them are correct.

Cassandra fucking Cain has been coasting by undetected for YEARS. That girl might lowkey be the most fucked up hero in DC, and that's saying something.

Everyone is aware of how anal Bruce is about the no kill rule, but nobody talks about how Cass takes that to the extreme.

She broke into a maximum security prison to free a child murdere who received the death penalty. She didn't even know him. She broke through a secure facility to free what is arguably the definition of human scum because she doesn't agree with his sentencing.

I mean, yes, fuck the death penalty, the state should never have the right to kill people, and the fact that many end up innocent is horrifying, but that man was unrepentant. And he was locked up, he didn't even escape. Cass places her morals above even the law

And I can't find the panel, but I'm 99% sure she took multiple bullets to protect a rapist

Also, she had a major breakdown when Kate killed clayface, which is valid sure but Kate genuinely saved lives there. Cass would've been fine if they died so long as nobody wearing the bat was a murderer.

People rag on Bruce for only seeing the world as black and white, but Cass' world view is way more strict and rigid. She makes Bruce seem lax about it